Jennifer Pink realized three or four months into her relationship that something wasn't right.  

“He wasn’t encouraging me to grow in any aspect. My self worth wasn’t increasing,” said Pink. “I feel every relationship we have in life should increase our self-worth and our growth.”

After being with her (now ex-) boyfriend for nine months, she tentatively introduced the idea of separating and hoped he would suggest breaking up. The conversations never went the way she wanted. Pink would often use excuses for wanting to take a break but he would just try to smooth things over. 

SEE ALSO: Stricter NFL Domestic Violence Policy Imposed

“I think for most women when you’re in a domestic violence relationship, there’s a real sense of fear that your life is in danger, especially if you anger them too much,” said Pink, a single mom empowerment coach. Pink is the surname she uses in business.

“The day that our relationship ended, he went through my phone the night before and read my Facebook messages,” Pink said. “I had started to begin to express to people that I felt less than … I felt trapped.”

And it upset him.

“He grabbed me by my neck and had me up against the wall and he choked,” Pink said. “I thought I was going to die in all honesty.”

It was then that her daughter screamed, “Don’t hurt my mommy!” For a moment, Pink’s assailant’s grip faltered and she escaped. 

“My daughter saved my life.” 


When Pink came across #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft on Twitter — after TMZ released in early September the extended video of football player Ray Rice attacking his wife Janay — the mother of three felt compelled to share what she went through. She had always been open about her experiences with her followers online but tended to gloss over them.

“I saw a lot of people cheering and rallying each other on. I loved that moment. I loved that people felt safe to share with the world,” Pink said.

Many others were stirred to seek even more support.

“Our calls since the video came out have increased by 84 percent. They’ve stayed high — we’ve received hundreds of more calls,” said Lisa Lawrence, a spokesperson for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  

The most important priority for the Hotline is answering every call and web message that comes in, Lawrence said. The organization hopes to raise funds to hire more staff that will go on to educate and help people understand what healthy — and unhealthy — relationships look like.

SEE ALSO: Double Standard In Domestic Violence Cases Must Be Addressed  

“The way domestic violence is going to stop is if we educate on the front end,” Lawrence said.

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson’s recently launched “Pass the Peace” campaign will aid the Hotline in meeting its goals.

Just in time for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, anyone can “Pass the Peace” by donating two dollars or more to the National Domestic Violence Hotline and nominating two others to do the same.

“How many of you reading right now knew that October is Domestic Violence Awareness month? I certainly didn’t. I had to Google it. And that’s part of why I felt so inspired to do my part,” Wilson wrote in an essay on The Players Tribune. “This initiative, this story, is about acknowledging something difficult, something we’d rather not see.”

 

Jenesse Center, Inc., is South Los Angeles’s oldest domestic violence shelter and its leaders understand the struggles of fundraising well.

“Domestic violence is not a sexy issue … It’s not really an issue that people want to wrap themselves around,” said Angela Parker, Director of Training and Programs, citing breast cancer awareness as a more widely covered cause that also takes place in October.

Founded in 1980 by five survivors of domestic violence, Jenesse provides its clients with immediate support and long-term resources to break harmful cycles. The Center strives to correct misconceptions surrounding abuse, a big one being that domestic violence is simply a women’s problem.

“It involves women, men, families and the community. It’s not just a private issue,” Parker said. “Anything that happens in the home bleeds out into the world.” 

Although intimate partner violence is most prevalent among women aged 18 to 24, one in seven men (one in four women) have experienced this, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Yet, it is often discussed in the realm of exclusively women.  “Pass the Peace” may draw more men to further the discussion.

“When you see someone you look up to — a celebrity, a politician, a sports figure – stand behind an issue, then it makes you feel a little better about standing up as well,” Parker said.

The Hotline and Jenesse also tackle the belief that leaving an abusive situation is easy. 

“One of our major issues is that there are so many preconceived notions about who is a victim of domestic violence – or if it does happen to you then you brought it on yourself,” Parker said. “We try to go into the community and educate people about the fact that domestic violence is not a choice and it is something that can happen to you or somebody that you know with devastating effects.”

Pink always thought that if she were in an abusive relationship, she would leave, no question. When she found herself in one, she was paralyzed – by fear and expectations. At the time, she equated admitting she was in an abusive relationship to weakness.  

“I think there’s a shame and there’s a stigma,” Pink said. “I’ve owned businesses. I’ve been to college. I’ve been too successful… I’ve always been known as strong and independent.”

The normalizing of violence is a different hurdle to overcome. Some people in abusive relationships tend to think their situations aren’t that bad or that mistreatment is assumed. The Center inspires them to reconsider what normal is, Parker said. 

“When you’re dealing with generational violence – your mom, her mom and her mother before that… It really is a challenge to get people to unlearn what they have learned,” Parker said.

SEE ALSO: Miss America On Victim Blaming and Domestic Violence

Along with fearing for their physical safety, Pink was scared of the effect her abuse was having on her children. 

“I thought they didn’t see me get hit. I felt like they didn’t see it until the very end,” Pink said. “But even if they didn’t see it, they’ve heard it, they’ve felt it – and the effect it has on them.”

I don’t want them to end up in a situation like that, she said.

Pink didn’t set out to be a voice for survivors of domestic violence. But while she’s focused on building her platform to provide support for single mothers, she wants to continue to use her voice to give hope to women who can identify with her story.

“Wherever it takes me, I’m willing to go,” Pink said.

Reach Staff Reporter Maritza Moulite here or follow her on Twitter here.