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13 Lost Angels You Just Might Find In College

Arianna Allen |
September 18, 2014 | 8:25 p.m. PDT



They say that the city of Los Angeles is the city of Lost Angels. I used to think that whoever was the first to come up with this statement was a harsh critic, but now, I see the phrase for all its complex beauty and depth. Going to school in L.A. is a whirlwind, a whirlwind that I wouldn’t replace, but a whirlwind nonetheless. I am a lost angel in Los Angeles and it’s not just because of my below-average driving skills and sense of direction.

The truth is, we’re all lost angels in college. We dream big even though we don’t sleep. And love deeply even if we don’t know what the feeling embodies.

It’s only in college that we’re old enough to know that life is not going to be perfect, but frankly, still young enough to imagine that it is. As lost angels, we know the rules, but secretly, we are all hoping that we’ll be that one exception. We all hope to be the one that comes up with the great business plan in a drowning economy,  and the one that makes a player settle down. We’re college students: hot messes and clearly aware of it. In college, you will meet hundreds of fellow lost angels.

But while they may be the pledges of today, they’re also the presidents of tomorrow. Or so we hope. But in the meantime, here are some unique characters you just might find among the lost.

1. The Designated Drunk

He messes up more often than not, but you can’t even get mad at him because it’s not his fault he’s a delinquent. Plus, its college. Better to get everything out of your system now when almost all behaviors are socially justifiable than later on when you enter the real world. What 30-year-old can get away with getting blacked out in the middle of the day and using an ice cream truck as a designated driver? This is not a rhetorical question.

2.The Legally Blonde Wannabe

She adopted a Valley Girl accent faster than Madonna adopted a British one. And she thinks that Harvard will accept her for grad school because she’s like totally both beauty and brains.

3. The Prophet of BroBible

Rest assured that after hitting on every girl at the party, he will be hit BY a girl before the end of the night. This event will be symbolized by the lipstick stains on one of his cheeks, five star hand print on the other. He loves when he’s sticky and beer-drenched for two reasons: one, it shows he drinks beer, which is frat; and, two, he soaked t-shirt sticks to his skin thus beautifully framing his bulging abs. And despite the fact that he’s beer-drenched, you always catch yourself wondering how someone so stocky and sticky can manage to be so smooth.

4. The Person You Can’t Live Without

The person you can triple text without worrying about looking desperate. The sarcasm to your silliness, the compassion to your passion and the nights in to your nights out. This person makes you stay grounded, but still allows you to soar.

5. The Chiller

He puts the P(ot) H(ead) in PHD. He’s probably the most insightful person that you know at school and you wish you could be as laid-back as him. But as enticing as his lifestyle seems, you know you’d be an unconvincing joke if you tried. You just like control too much.

6. The Genius

This person will help you pass Physics.

7. The Hipster

Having a description for this person would be way too mainstream.

8. The Person You Hate That You Love

This person is as lost as you are, and somehow, it just works. You see this person's flaws, but they don’t faze you because they're just as complex as yours are.

9. The Kid Who Doesn’t Get College

He didn’t talk to girls in high school and thinks Jack Daniels is a guy that lives down the hall. Go easy on this kid. He’s in a culture shock.

10. The Party Girl

She can’t even.

11. The Bro

He was breast-fed muscle milk and he sweats Patron. His religion is his fraternity in which he doesn’t pray, he pulls. He only leaves the gym for a beer run or a booty call, both of which are considered cardio. He makes the best friend and the worst boyfriend/date/anything-other-than-friend status.

12. The Girl You Meet In The Bathroom

There is no distinct description for this girl; however, you will meet an immeasurable number of people in the bathroom of a party. They’ll be complaining about the dirtiness of the stalls, asking how smeared their makeup is, gossiping about the bro bible prophet (see #3) or reaching a begging hand underneath the stall in search of toilet paper.

13. Your Best Friend.

The one who cannot only tolerate, but mimic your high-pitched squeal of a voice with an uncanny resemblance. This person knows what you’re going to say before you even say it and starts laughing before you finish your joke, knowing you’ll get more of a kick out of the punch-line than anyone else will. 

Throughout these encounters, remember the last lost angel that you will come across in college is yourself. We pick up and abandon certain traits of all the lost angels that we are surrounded by until we create a distinct one that embodies ourselves. So I guess you can say that as we go through college, the angel within us becomes a little less lost… or perhaps a little more found.

I don’t really know. I’m still hoping to find out myself.


Arianna Allen's column "The Freshman 15" explores lessons outside the classroom in freshman college life. Watch your pounds: get more here. Reach Arianna here.



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