Howdy fangbangers! Welcome to the third installment of "True Blood" season 6, where each character gets approximately 6 minutes of screen time! Let's get down to it. 

Willa Burrell, the Governor's daughter, continues her special nighttime visit with Eric. Oh, she can tell him about the "experiments", she says! This immediately brings back to mind last week's ending scene, where Bill sees a very bright-but-in-a-dead-kind-of-way future for the "good" vamps on the show. But before she can explain further, the guards approach and Eric disappears with her out the window. 

Bill is going cray from his "That's So Raven" moment and Jess tells him to fess up. Uh, who's going to burn? When? The answer is you, Jess, and your pops can't handle it. 

Let there be light, ya'll. (abottleoftrueblood/Tumblr)

Meanwhile, Sookie is practicing her new haduken move when Niall senses Warlow outside the house. Jason runs out with his gun but is soon hit with something we can't see. They drag him back in and Sookie demands to know - why her? What's Warlow's beef? She's not even that cool of a faerie. Well, you're a pretty pretty princess, says Niall. Warlow has a thing for the royal faerie bloodline yadda yadda yadda.

At Fangtasia, Willa spills the beans on the vampire concentration camp. Her daddy used city project money to build the place, full of "sick sick sh*t," Willa says. But she's not exactly sure where it is. 

Cut to...vampire concentration camp! Starring our old friend Rev. Steve Newlin of the Fellowship of the Sun-turned-vampire-spokesman-for-the-American-Vampire-League-turned-Lilith-follower/Russell-Edgington's-rebound. I hope he doesn't fry, I kinda like him.

The Governor's men are coming for Fangtasia. Eric instructs Pam and Tara to pack up what's left. Poor Pam is heartbroken when Eric calls their home "just a bar." "Not even you believe that," she tells him. This really is the Pam-gets-treated-like-crap season. Eric takes a last look at his iron throne, where House Northman reigned as Sheriff of Area 5. 

Sam won't accept help from Nicole and her very persistent boyfriend Jesse to get Emma back, but Lala won't take no for an answer since Sam has always treated him with respect. Woohoo, Sam and Lala on the case! I just wish I cared. Like, at all. 

loooooolz (peachiex/Tumblr)

Bill remembers that in his coma-thing, Lilith came to him in the daytime! Plus he can't get staked! This must mean he's immortal. Oh yes. He decides he's going to greet the sun and see what happens. And as soon as I thought to myself, I hope he walks outside and bursts into flame, HE BURSTS INTO FLAME. Oh Billith you are so silly.

Niall goes to the faerie club portal for help, but alas, Warlow got there first. All the faeries have been killed, except for one who asks Niall to turn him into a faerie glitter dust pile.

Jason is recuperating from whatever the heck injured him, but he still kinda looks like crap. Hey, at least the hallucinations of his racist parents are gone. Sookie reminds him that their parents were kinda crappy sometimes and that's okay. Like, their mom was even afraid of Sookie. I think this was supposed to be heartwarming or something but *yawn*.

Andy and Kevin open up a package of the Governor's new vampire defense weapons when Holly arrives at the police station. Ah yes, the woman he cheated on with a faerie which gave him four rapidly growing half-faerie daughters. Oh, look! They're tweens rocking some Limited Too now. 

Over at the pack, the cops show up looking for Emma at her grandmother's place. Alcide tries to scare them away with his manliness, but they insist on coming in. Emma doesn't want to shift into her wolf form, but Crazy Rikki yells at her like a jerkface. I would love to see Luna kick the sh*t out of this girl. Heck, I would love to see Debbie Pelt take her on. Apparently, being hot is enough for Alcide these days. Emma shifts and the cops go away. Rikki wants Emma gone from their lives, but Alcide lays down the law. Emma is pack, and she stays.

Andy's four tweens watch as their daddy shows Holly how to shoot a gun. The girls are pretty good with their faerie blasting powers, themselves. And their thought reading, too. Andy wants to look out for Holly, protect her, be her "Fort Bellefleur." Um, okay. Maybe you should've thought of that before all that faerie-sex, Andy.

None for you. (peachiex/Tumblr)

Eric's family and hostage decide to crash at Ginger's for the night. In his coffin, Willa wants to have a little pillow talk. She tells Eric that her mom ran off with a vampire who owns a Fangtasia rip-off in Hollywood. No wonder Daddy hates vampires. She tries to taste some of Eric's blood but he's not having it. Uh...Willa? It's called foreplay?

Ben is literally still wandering around the same field that Sookie left him in yesterday. He runs into Niall, whom he recognizes as his king, and agrees to join in on the fight against Warlow. Oh, and he's still crazy attractive.

Looking less crispy than before, Bill gets all dressed up and prepares to go take care of business. Uh, newsflash Bill - Jessica wants to help! Bill recommends she track down Professor Takahashi at the U of North Louisiana, the guy responsible for Tru Blood, and wear something sexy. Cue naughty schoolgirl outfit and one dead professor. 

Steve Newlin's got a visitor in vampire camp, and it's none other than his ex, Sarah Newlin! Oh boy, Anna Camp just brings back fond memories of "Pitch Perfect" and at this point I'd take a musical episode of True Blood. Anyways, Sarah is super pissed at Steve for his vampire activities and declares she's moved on into politics. She calls in a "doctor" to torture Steve for information on Eric. 

Bill creepily forces his way into the Stackhouse residence, using his powers to freeze Jason against the wall while asking for Sookie's blood. It might be the answer to saving all the vampires with his god powers. "You're not God, Bill, you're just an asshole," Sook tells him (amen sister), and Bill says she's dead to him. Uh, sorry Bill, but you're the dead one, so...awkward. More awkward? This entire scene.

Almost as good as him bursting into flames. (bestprankever/Tumblr)

Nicole and her hipsters drive up to Alcide's pack with their recording equipment, biggest mistake in the history of ever. They want footage of the weres morphing into their wolf forms. The pack is all helllllll no and find one of them recording with his Steve Urkel glasses. Rikki and a bunch of them shift and attack the hipsters, leaving just enough of a distraction for Sam to swoop in as an owl and rescue Emma. 

Worst-employee-of-the-month Ginger answers Eric's phone call from the Governor. Burrell's technie dude is able to trace Eric's "untraceable phone," leaving Tara the time to take off with/ save Willa after hearing Eric tell the Governor he's absolutely going to kill her. Eric glamors Ginger for the millionth time and goes with Pam after them.

Niall and Ben fill Sookie and Jason in on the faerie massacre. Not the faeries, no! They had sequined clothes and were super pretty! It's too much for Sookie to handle, she has to sweep away her feelings in the kitchen with a broom. Ben follows her, brings up Bill (big mistake), and redeems himself by helping out with the dustpan. Just as we're about to Sookie and Ben kissing in a tree, K-I-S-S---someone is sneaking around the house! Warlow?! Nope, Nora. Huh. Aaaand Jason has passed out again. 

Andy is actually out doing his job, not constructing "Fort Bellefleur" with Holly. He sees Bill heading back to The Haunted Compton House and reminds him of the vampire curfew. Bill notices a teddy bear on Andy's passenger seat. It belongs to one of Andy's new daughter's. Something is up with Bill. My guess? He smells faerie blood. And if he can't get Sookie's, then he'll look to what was five minutes ago the most pointless storyline of "True Blood" Season 6. I see you, writers. I see you.

Watch a sneak peak of episode 4 here!

Reach staff reporter Becca Grumet here. Follow her on Twitter here.