2011 Emmy Awards (Kelsey Richards)

“It’s a world where high school students look roughly twenty-four.” --Jane Lynch, in her opening musical number, on the world of television

“Steve Carell, we’ve been nodding at each other for years now.” --Jane Lynch, on Hollywood acquaintances

“I didn’t even write a speech. I know John Stewart is gonna win.” --Jimmy Fallon, on his nomination for Outstanding Variety Series

“I don’t know what I’m going to talk about in therapy next week. I won something!” --Julie Bowen, in her acceptance speech for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series for ‘Modern Family’

“Just think of me as a very feminine man.” --Ty Burell, on wearing makeup for TV appearances

“It doesn’t feel good...If I didn’t have to host the rest of the night, I would be at home eating a tub of turkey bacon in the dark.” --Jane Lynch, after losing Best Supporting Actress to Julie Bowen

“This is pre-recorded. And the Emmy bosses have warned me that if I say anything offensive, they will edit me.” --Ricky Gervais

“I would like to thank my three traumatized children...” --Steven Levitan, co-writer of Modern Family, on drawing inspiration from his kids walking in on him and his wife

“Welcome back to the Modern Family Awards!” --Jane Lynch, after a commercial break

“You are so odd for so many reasons.” --Jim Parsons to Charlie Sheen

“I’m not sure I understand the question. What do you mean by ‘work?’” --Kim Kardashian, on her least favorite part of her job.

“...And there was another thing, but I must have left it in my fanny pack.” --Jane Lynch, on her ‘gay agenda’ for the show

“Lastly, I would like to thank the Lonely Island. My kids are out here with me this time--they’re seven and five. I have a lot of explaining to do.” --Jon Stewart

“I do not think you are a troll.” --Ashton Kutcher to John Cryer

“Thanks to me, now 50% of all reality TV is said in Jersey.” --Jane Lynch in her Jersey alter-ego, Ms. Donatello

“I can barely balance my checkbook.” “I can barely balance!” --Jane Lynch and Paula Abdul

"The nominees should really be thankful that Helen Mirren isn't nominated this year." --Claire Danes, presenting Outstanding Actress in a Movie or Miniseries

And the best quote of the night:

“You know, a lot of people wonder why I am a lesbian. Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of Entourage.” --Jane Lynch

For complete coverage of the 2011 Emmy Awards, click here