(Graphic by Didi Beck/Neon Tommy)

Ali*, 21

Obviously Eric is a jerk. However even relationships that start off loving and issue-free can turn ugly surprisingly fast if the partners develop unhealthy habits. There are a few key characteristics that all healthy, romantic relationships have according to both Interpersonal Relations Professor Miranda Barone and Marriage Psychologist Dr. Gary Stollman. Some aspects are predictable, such as trust and respect, but others are unexpected, such as personal independence.

Communication

The most effective way to talk to your partner is to “Sit down, look them in the eye, allow them to say their full peace and then say what you need to say” according to Dr. Stollman. Clear and honest conversations have the best results. If you want something, voice it. “Most people expect their partners to know what they like or want - this is not possible without ESP,” explained Barone.   

Trust and Respect

Jealousy and suspicion tears relationships apart quickly. A good test is whether or not you sneak a peak at your partner’s phone when he/she isn’t looking. Yes, it might be curiosity but second-guessing your partner on a consistent basis is not only irritating for the other person but also an indication something is off. Dr. Stollman harped on the importance of mutual respect as well: “Couples that work well together can listen to the other person’s feelings, accept their differences and support their partner’s ambitions.”

Commitment

Similar commitment levels strengthen any relationship. “When people are committed to one another, they are in it for the long term, put more effort into the relationship and are more likely to work through challenges,” described Barone. Relationships seem more effortless when both parties strive to overcome hurdles.  

Personal Independence

Not respecting yourself makes it difficult to respect and care for someone else. “Healthy relationships are about two secure people with positive self-esteem,” according to Barone. Everyone has baggage but too many insecurities and problems can get in the way. Work out your issues beforehand as well as maintain close friendships and a life outside of the relationship.

Humor

It’s pretty much impossible to stay mad at someone when on the ground, hysterically laughing. Not to mention humor eases heated arguments and reminds couples why they started dating in the first place. After all relationships are supposed to be fun, right?

Personality Type

Apparently opposites don’t attract, or at least don’t remain attracted to one another after time passes. “Opposites initially attract us but then couples end up fighting over their differences,” witnessed Stollman, “People with similar personalities and values last longer together.” For example, you could fall in love with your partner’s sense of adventure because its so different but a few years later start resenting the fact they are always looking for a new thrill and never seem satisfied. Barone has a simple solution to the issue: “My advice – marry a Trojan.”

*Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent

This is a new weekly health and fitness column that comes out every Thursday. If you have any questions you want to see answered feel free to email me.