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BREAKING: Revolutionary Breakthrough In Modern Medicine, From USC Scientists

ChrisAnna Mink, M.D. |
April 1, 2015 | 10:31 a.m. PDT

Contributor

Breakthrough vaccine (PATH global health / Flickr)
Breakthrough vaccine (PATH global health / Flickr)
Researchers at the University of Southern California have created a vaccine against one of the most pervasive plagues in our society—stupidity.   

The vaccine is composed of small amounts of stupidity (comments from science deniers and political candidates), which have been inactivated by treatment with reality.

The vaccine has proven effective against some of the common acts of stupidity, including:

  • Drivers who turn right from the far-left lane.
  • Bicyclists who text while cruising across campus.
  • the DMV. 
  • The phrase, “Look Mom, no hands”.
  • Elected representatives who don’t serve their constituencies.
  • Climate change doubters who can’t process scientific data.
  • Dr. Oz, who also can’t process scientific data.
  • The belief that alcohol makes you gorgeous, strong and irresistible to the opposite sex.
  • Men who forget their wedding anniversaries.
  • Fad diets
  • The widespread addiction to smartphones.
  • Sarah Palin

Side effects include a little pain in the patient’s bum, but the benefits outweigh the risks. And it will hopefully alleviate the stupidity that causes pain in all our bums. And btw, happy April Fool’s Day. 

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