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9 Best Things About Being Dumped

Samantha Dilley |
October 15, 2014 | 1:10 a.m. PDT



Freshly heartbroken myself, I realize it’s hard to see any silver lining in losing your favorite person. Anger evolves into a deluded persona of your ex, as frustration manifests in lots of reluctant tears. Seldom are there excuses to celebrate your newly separated status. So, to all the disappointed freshmen, whose long-distance dreams were, in reality, embarrassingly fleeting, or to those who were more blindsided than Taylor Swift in every single ballad she writes, here are the few gems about being newly single I’ve encountered and savored within the past month.

1. Reclaiming your phone number

While you were convinced that being in love was cool, you’ve forgotten how much cooler it is to be asked for your number. Your phone number belongs to no one but yourself now, and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Give your number to that hot girl in your math class, or to that weird guy asking for it on the street. Either way, it’s yours to share and you’re going to want to pass it out to anyone and everyone in the quad, just because you can now.

2. You are incredibly free on Friday night… and every other night of the week

No more checking if your significant other is available before you buy a concert ticket or schedule a girls' night out. You are no longer comparing your schedules to make sure you get a date night or a few hours together on the weekends. You are one free bird, able to go out whenever you want and however often you feel like it. And trust me, you’ll take advantage of that to unhealthy, but necessary levels. 

3. Excessive calorie intake is excused

The universe is basically begging you to drown yourself in as much chocolate and alcohol as you can. This is a very special time in your life. Your friends will understand, and even allow you, to gorge yourself until you become sick (for more reasons than one). Because, let’s face it, when you tell people, “Yeah, um I actually just got dumped,” they might even buy you the triple layer chocolate cake in your hand at the grocery store. Pity is a strange and strong tool and in this case, self-pity is almost encouraged. 

 4. On the other hand, you’ve gained more motivation than ever

Turn up that one angsty breakup song and hit the gym. Coming out as the hotter one in the relationship conquers that all-encompassing feeling of being hung-up. And even if by the next time you see your ex and you don’t have the six pack you planned, that one time you made it out of your room to work out between tears had to have done something positive… right?

 5. A newfound appreciation for sappy songs about heartbreak

While you were annoyingly happy and in love, Sam Smith’s entire album didn’t quite make as much sense as it does now. Even the title, "In the Lonely Hour," relates to how you feel every time you check your watch. You hear the sadness a little clearer and the heartache just a little louder, which is why you have rediscovered more than half of your iTunes library to mean so, so much more than just background study music.

6. You do you

Although you’ve come to the depressing realization that you have no one to impress or look presentable for anymore, it becomes irrelevant because you can finally live your life at your own pace. At last, you can save some water in the California drought and throw out your razor because you’re not shaving your legs for someone special anytime soon. You can watch "Arrested Development" as slowly as you want without feeling like you have a deadline to meet. Your world no longer revolves around someone else, which is totally liberating (so you will tell yourself). 

7. You’re finally certain about what you like

Throughout this slight bump in the road, it is inevitable that you have come a little closer to a clearer understanding of your “type.” Though I see the error in the term, at some level you see the gender you prefer in a new, but tunneled light. No more dating around to see what you like or wasting your time. Even if your current type is your ex and only your ex, at least you know. And don’t be concerned; coming to realize the level of patheticness you encompass can be humbling. At least you can be honest with yourself. 

8. Your ex no longer owns your smartphone

Say hello to 5 GB of new space on your phone! You’ll come to terms with the fact you have to delete all the cute selfies and funny photos you made strangers take, but once you get over that, the freedom is exhilarating. Now, you can delete long iMessage conversations that used to slow down your phone and download more John Mayer or acoustic Adele (see #5). You still may flinch every time you hear your ex’s text tone blare from a strangers iPhone, but at least you won’t even check yours because you know they won't be reaching out. 

9. You’re not over your ex. 

If you’ve come to the end of this list, agreeing and empathizing with any of these points, you may realize that it’s not over for you yet. The slightest scent of her on an old t-shirt takes you back to last April and the sight of his name on Facebook continues to make your heart skip a beat. Although admitting defeat excruciates your ego, you must have had something a little too wonderful to abandon. Forgetting the fact that you would love to give your ex an unadulterated piece of your mind, the mature part of you knows that it had to have been worth it. A relationship is like a mathematical function: you put in what you get out. The hurt you feel at the end will equate to the love you put in at the beginning. So sit with the hurting until it fully dissolves from your body, just as you let the love slowly infiltrate into your life. 

But, if for some reason, you truly did put in more than you got out at the end, I fully support slashing a tire to commemorate how much you got screwed :) 


Reach Contributor Samantha Dilley here



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