One of the many joys of buying a new shade of Essie nail polish is the unique name that accompanies each bottle. But some of these names go beyond logic and are just bizarre. Here are the 32 most ridiculous Essie names.

1. Adore-A-Ball

There are far too many inappropriate connotations with this one.

2. Alligator Purse

But, it’s not even green!

3. Angel Food

Disclaimer: This is not actual food. Do not consume the nail polish.

4. BBF Best Boyfriend

If you need to explain your acronym, maybe you just shouldn’t use one.

5. Beach Bum Blu

Uh blue? The poor little “e” is so excluded.

6. Bond With Whomever

This is oh so grammatically incorrect.

7. Bouncer, It’s Me!

To be worn on your craziest nights out.

8. Butler Please

This is perfect for making your nails look good so you can say “talk to the hand” with style.

9. Chubby Cheeks

Nope.

10. E-nuf Is E-nuf

But why not just spell it enough?

11. East Hampton Cottage

...As opposed to a West Hampton cottage.

12. Fondola Gondola

Fondola? Gondola? This one’s a mystery.

13. Going Incognito

Put on some camo and you're basically invisible.

14. It’s Genius

Whoever invented this shade was very proud of themselves.

15. Lacy Not Racy

...Or facy or tracy or stacy. 

16. Loophole

For stylish lawyers everywhere.

17. No Baggage Please

If you’ve got a past, choose another shade.

18. No Pre-Nup

With this color you’ll be so fly, you won’t even need to worry about divorce.

19. Poor Li’l Rich Girl

“A deep and rich creamy red.” See what you did there, Essie?

20. Raisinnuts

But is this even a real food?

21. Roarrrrange

Because six Rs would be excessive and three Rs would be too few.

22. Rose Bowl

This is not too unusual, but it was worth noting that this relates to the color of real roses and has no relation to UCLA football. Fight on!

23. Sew Psyched

You are "sew" psyched that you found the perfect color to match your pumpkin spice latte in your Instagram pic.

24. Spaghetti Strap

Does this mean I’d get sent home from middle school for wearing this color?

25. Spin The Bottle

Very popular with all the seventh graders.

26. Starter Wife

Because your next wife will be a much prettier color.

27. Status Symbol

Kim Kardashian probably wears this a lot.

28. Trophy Wife

For when you upgrade from “starter wife.”

29. Up’s

Who is this “up”?

30.Using My Maiden Name

Maybe it's to be worn on your wedding day?

31. Where’s My Chauffeur

Girl, just call an Uber.

32. Who Is The Boss

You are.

Contact Staff Reporter Kirby Pedersen here and follow her on Twitter here.