Between the losses of Joan Rivers, Elaine Stritch, and Lauren Bacall, the suicide rate in San Francisco is predicted to triple this year. There will be a waterfall of men in fishnets cascading over the side of the Golden Gate Bridge.

(Tumblr @fashionmavie)

There’s been a lot of pointless bloviating over the years about why male homosexuals loved Joan Rivers, all of which tended to fixate on clichés in the vein of, “She was always an outcast, like the gays,” or, “She was so strong and gay men needed strength in their aspirational figures.” Meanwhile, Dick Cheney’s daughter Mary is so strong that her vibrator is a power drill; do you see gay men adulating her?

As Joan would say, “Oh, grow up.” Plenty of male homosexuals loved her who didn’t grow up in rural Iran – where the men are apparently sensational in bed, but when they say, “Let’s get stoned afterwards,” think twice – and weren’t outcasts of any sort.

The real reason gay men loved Joan may be politically incorrect to point out, but Joan was nothing if not politically incorrect. It’s breathtakingly simple: Joan was a bitch.

For your reading pleasure, and for proof – as if anyone needed it – here are the fifteen bitchiest Joan Rivers quotes, ranked in no particular order.

1. “Donatella Versace? She looks like a face you’d hang on a door in Africa.”

2. “Boy George is just what England needs: another queen who can’t dress.”

3. “Elizabeth Taylor is so fat, her blood type is Ragu.”

4. “Al Roker said to me, you are – ‘Here’s Joan Rivers; she’s 79 years young.’ And you want to go, ‘And here’s Al Roker; he’s 320 pounds thin.”

5. “I have Korean neighbors….She goes, ‘I don’t eat dog. I don’t eat dog.’ There’s a leash hanging out of her mouth.”

6. “When you die, whatever you got out of him, you have buried on you. If the next bitch wants it, make her dig for it.”

7. “I use my left breast now as a stopper in the tub.”

8. “This woman is an idiot….She turned down the role of Helen Keller – she couldn’t remember the lines.”

9. “You’re Jewish and you took that shitty ring? I wouldn’t give that to an Arab, and I’m Jewish.”

10. “When [Madonna] was an old whore, was she fun, yes or no? You wouldn’t trust her with a plant. Her knees were in different time zones.”

11. “I spit on education. No man ever put his hand up a woman’s dress looking for a library card.”

12. “[Kate Moss] went into a beauty shop and OD’ed on dandruff.”

13. “Gynecologists should not make a joke, am I right?....Do you know what it’s like to be in the stirrups and have him make jokes? ‘Dr. Schwartz, at your cervix.’”

14. “Vaginas drop. I had no idea! I had no idea. Eight years ago, I looked down; I thought, ‘Why am I wearing a bunny slipper? And why is it grey?’”

15. “I hate thin people. ‘Does the tampon make me look heavy?’”

Reach Staff Reporter Sameer Suri here.