warning Hi, we've moved to USCANNENBERGMEDIA.COM. Visit us there!

Neon Tommy - Annenberg digital news

Confessions: To Tinder Or Not To Tinder?

Claire Dougherty |
March 10, 2014 | 12:21 p.m. PDT

Contributing Writer

 

Until recently, every time my mother asks me why I don’t have a boyfriend, I’ve been able to say that people just don’t date anymore—courting is a thing of the past. It’s not like when you were in college, Mom. Guys don’t just ask girls out on dates anymore, Mom. This isn’t the 1950s, Mom. 

And then Tinder came along and ruined everything. 

Tinder iPhone app (Photo via Tinder)
Tinder iPhone app (Photo via Tinder)

Less serious than Match.com, more legit than Craigslist “Missed Connections,” Tinder might not be the place to find The One, but it can sure lead to your next hook up. That being said, you must first brave the Tinder date. 

Some might be intimidated (but most are probably terrified) by the thought of going on a Tinder date. This is understandable. Meeting up with someone whose background information consists solely of their first name, alleged age, and a few pictures sounds like the plot of a Dateline murder mystery special. To put your fears to rest and help you find LUH-uv (or some version of it), I turn to my very own roommate, Angela, the Tinder Master. 

Angela has been on six and a half Tinder dates and, since that’s probably six and a half more than you, this makes her an expert.

Her first date was with Todd*, whom she had been Tinder messaging for two weeks. In Tinder World, two weeks means you’re ready for the next step: meeting in real life. On their first date, they met at Handsome Coffee Roasters in Downtown LA. According to the Master, a coffee shop is the perfect first Tinder date. It’s casual, easy, and, most importantly, in public. Angela says don’t be afraid, “you don’t go into it thinking you’re going to date the person. It’s like an interview.” People don’t get murdered at interviews, right? Apparently not, because Angela and Todd went on a second date. 

On their second date, Angela and Todd went to a concert at the Echoplex (side note: Angela is a hipster. Fit locations to whichever societal label you prefer). A concert is a great place for a second Tinder date. Not only are their witnesses (because this is only the second date and you’re still not sure whether or not he’s a serial killer), but there is live music playing, so if things get awkward you can shut up and dance (*grind*). This worked well for Angela and Todd and soon they were on to date number three.

For their third date, the Master met up with Todd in Chinatown. There was music, food trucks, and plenty of Chinese knick-knacks. Pretty much any place is OK for a third Tinder date, as long as you’re comfortable there and it’s not a dark alley/basement. Since Chinatown was going well, Angela agreed to accompany Todd to a party at his friend’s apartment. Once there, however, she felt uncomfortable and knew “it was time to bounce.” The Tinder flame had burnt out. I know at this point you must be as emotionally invested in the possibilities of their future as I was at the time, so I’m sorry. It’s hard. It’s disappointing. But this is Tinder World where the flames burn fast and bright, and we must applaud Angela because, in Tinder World, three dates is practically a relationship. 

Angela’s half Tinder date happened when she accidentally ran into Jake at a concert. They both knew the other was going to be there, but weren’t going together. Nevertheless, the stars aligned and Angela and Jake made eye contact in the bathroom line. Rather than pretend she didn’t see him, the Master boldly said hi. The two unfortunately didn’t hit it off, most likely because they were in the bathroom line. There’s still, however, a lesson to be learned here: when seriously Tinder-ing, it’s important to look acceptable at all times, because you never know when you might see your matches in the fourth dimension. 

Angela met up with Claudio after Tinder messaging for a week. This may be too fast for novices, but at Angela’s rate, she was well on her way to making Tinder her bitch. Claudio invited Angela to a Rap Genius Party in Bel Aire. “He sent me a Facebook invitation, so I knew it was legit,” says Angela. Unlike Jason Derulo, Angela is not comfortable ridin’ solo to a party, so she brought some friends for backup. As a general rule, one should not arrive alone to any party, but particularly not to one where the only other human you know is your Tinder match. Angela made the right decision on this one, which led to her second date with Claudio. 

On their next date, Angela and Claudio went to Pie Hole. As Angela recounts, Claudio “straight up ordered an apple and talked about the film he was working on the entire time.” Yuck. Who orders an apple at a place that serves twelve different kinds of pie? Angela was over it and on to the next one. 

Angela and Steve* had been talking for two whole months before they met up. This may seem like an eternity in Tinder time, but Steve lives in Pomona and doesn’t have a car, so meeting up was a bit more difficult. Also, Steve is Australian so who knows how they do Tinder in Australia or if they even know what it is. Angela and Steve had planned on meeting up at a coffee shop, but their plans continued to fall through. Angela finally said, “fuck it, I’ll just go.” To his apartment, that is. Eek! I know what you’re thinking, and I had the same reaction. If Chris Hansen had gotten word, he would have been ready to catch that predator. Fortunately, it wasn’t a rapist lair. It really was a university apartment and Angela is still alive today. Not all of us commoners can be Tinder Masters like Angela, so for your first ever Tinder date, she would advise that you stick to the coffee shops and concert venues.

Angela says meeting with Steve in his apartment was actually the most comfortable of all her dates, and she is looking forward to seeing him again! I’ll be following their budding Tinder relationship like it’s my favorite soap opera. 

Today I got a new pair of cat socks, my roommate Angela went on a Tinder date, and I no longer have a legitimate excuse to give my mother when she asks why I don’t have a boyfriend. I think I might give Tinder a try.

Reach Contributing Writer Claire Doughtery by email.

 



 

Buzz

Craig Gillespie directed this true story about "the most daring rescue mission in the history of the U.S. Coast Guard.”

Watch USC Annenberg Media's live State of the Union recap and analysis here.

 
ntrandomness