In a normal situation a live band, darkened room and dancing figures brings to mind an image of a nightclub. And in a way the Osho Auditorium, where the Osho Evening Meeting is held, looks like one from the outside with its neon blue lighting up the black pyramid building. But instead of women dressed in glitter and men gathered in clumps checking them out, figures enrobed in white spread across a black marble floor facing one direction, so that in some cases it’s impossible to tell one sex from another. 

The bodies move in all forms of motion. Some writhe, some shake, some just hop from one foot to the other. A few just lie on the icy floor. The dancing is meaningless movement, an expression of whatever is inside each person. The gestures are as singular as each individual, no dancer moving in the same way as their neighbor. 

At first I try to get into the music, moving my hips and arms to the beat. But in this room of total abandon I feel claustrophobic and oppressed. The pyramid ceiling seems to press down on me, and I can’t understand the meaning behind the movement, so I stop trying. For the rest of the dancing bit, I just hop from one foot to the other, watching others around me twist, turn, and trot to the beat.

Osho calls this dancing portion “A wild celebration of energy,” a way to be totally immersed and expended by yourself. I just can’t bring myself to celebrate this “energy,” because it feels too much like submitting my heart to myself, when it’s already been taken by another.