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7 Interactions We Wish Would Happen On Social Media (But Probably Never Will)

Allison Selick |
February 9, 2014 | 3:53 p.m. PST

Style Editor

Ah, social media. The place where we go to lose our track of time, Mac keychain passwords, and self respect. It's like a daily Christmas card, informing us of the fact that our old babysitter has moved to Kenya, and that girl from high school (is it Sarah? Tara? Who remembers...) has lost a lot of weight. While social media was created to enhance communication, it still has a long way to go. Here, we list the 7 interactions that we wish would happen on social media (but probably never will). 

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22 your status said 'craving jambalaya' with a hunger emoticon" (Tumblr)
22 your status said 'craving jambalaya' with a hunger emoticon" (Tumblr)
1. Step 1: We put up one of those "all I want right now is ___(food)" statuses.

Step 2: Boys actually bring food.

Facebook statuses are the written form of the contents of our mind. And the contents of your mind probably have something to do with food.

The definition of heaven is a deep dish pizza and being appreciated. So why not show appreciation through pizza?

2. Just hear me out, Kanye 

Celebrities love the T- that is, Twitter. More than any other social media platform, Twitter is a celebrity's jam. From Beyonce's inspiring posts to Amanda Bynes' scary disclosures, there would be a serious dearth of celebrity opinion without these 140-characters gems. It would be great, though, if celebrities would answer us back.

In a perfect world, we could Tweet @kanyewest something along the lines of "hey when are you coming to my small town #watervillekansaspride", and receive an immediate date-of-performance and backstage passes. 

3. People stop posting those passive aggressive statuses.

There is no way that your 1,2074 Facebook "friends" would be able to truly connect to your inner turmoil if you didn't post somehow vague (yet aggressively direct) sentences like "I knew I shouldn't have trusted you again", or "why do some people think they're so ____ (insert adjective). I just wish that people would _____ (insert line from a Taylor Swift song). 

(Pinterest @Goran...)
(Pinterest @Goran...)
4. ...but the one time that we do really want to post a passive aggressive status, it works out okay. 

In the dreams of those who post passive aggressive statuses, there is a world where the intended receiver (besides the other 1,2073 Facebook friends that they are hoping to include in their drama) actually apologizes. Wouldn't it be awesome if you set your current mood on Facebook to a frowny face, and have that guy that never texted you back actually message you?

We imagine that the conversation would go something along the lines of: "Hey, i saw your status, was that because of me? Let's have a real, face-to-face talk about what is on your mind". LOL/Roflcopter/LMAO, you can dream on. 

5. Girls stop posting pictures of themselves that they spent 3 hours editing and 10 hours putting on makeup for, with the caption #allnatural.

In a display of honesty and self-confidence, many Facebook users are uploading #nomakeup selfies. Which is nice to see, because our eyelids are naturally glittery and lined in black, too. It's even better when your mom's best friend's 55-year-old neighbor comments something along the lines of how it is "so lovely to see a young girl's fresh face. You don't know how truly beautiful a woman is until you see her face in all of its sincerity". 

(Tumblr @Destiny Group)
(Tumblr @Destiny Group)
6. Someone actually reads your blog and talks to you about it.

Your blog is your soul. You spend every waking moment of procrastination looking for the perfect typical photo of a calm ocean with some quote about the human condition to post on Tumblr.

You think you are hilarious because you reblog gifs that other people made and hey, one time you posted an original selfie that received four hearts. Why does no one appreciate your genius? 

7. All of the celebrities that we don't want leaking nudes stop "accidentally" leaking nudes (I'm looking at you, Kesha).

And the ones that we want to start leaking nudes should be a little more reckless with their Twitter passwords. Now to replace that mental image of Nicholas Cage with one of Easton Corbin...


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