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Seeking Sensibility: The Art Of Flirting And Jealousy

Morgan Summers |
October 4, 2013 | 8:50 p.m. PDT


My boyfriend has a lot of female friends and, although I try not to let it bother me, sometimes I can't help but get jealous. I don't think he would cheat, but I have seen the way they talk and it comes off as a bit flirty to me. I can't make my boyfriend stop talking to his friends just because they are girls, but I just can't shake this feeling of uneasiness.

To be in a relationship is to know the pangs of jealousy. (Ktoine, Creative Commons)
To be in a relationship is to know the pangs of jealousy. (Ktoine, Creative Commons)

Let the cat claws come out, because this is going to get messy.

To be in a relationship is to know the pangs of jealousy. Some are more jealous than others, but even the best of us come under the spell every once in a while. And even the most relaxed girlfriend is going to be tempted to unleash her wild side when we feel threatened by another woman who we think is trying to get at our man. 

Jealousy is natural, and I would even argue that a certain level of it (key word: certain level) can be healthy in a relationship. It shows that we care and that we want our significant other to remain in a commited relationship with us. It's when we stop caring that the trouble starts. However, we can't monitor them all the time, nor can us girlfriends control our boyfriends (no matter how hard we try… *long wistful sigh*).

A girl can dream, right?

Anyways, it seems like you recognize that your jealousy in this situation might be unwarranted, which is good. But ignoring your jealousy because you feel it might not be justified is only going to make it worse. If ignored, one day your feelings are just going to explode when you perceive a situation incorrectly and the tears and frustrations are going to come pouring out at the most inopportune time.

And before you know it, your boyfriend isn't going to know what hit him and then all of a sudden he's going to question your entire existence and jeez, did he actually pick a crazy girlfriend or what? 

Believe me, I've been there. Don't make the same mistakes I did. (Although to be fair, all of my boyfriends think I'm crazy… I happen to think I'm a very mature and rational person, thank you very much!)

Bottom line, you need to be open and honest with your boyfriend about your feelings. They aren't going to go away, but maybe some comforting words and reassurance from him might put these fears to rest. If you think he is being inappropriate with these girls, then address him about it. You should never feel like your boyfriend is giving other girls more romantic attention than he is giving to you.

Try to understand the friendships he has with these girls, since they seem to have been around in his life much longer than you have. Go the extra ten miles and get to know his friends who are girls as well. As intimidating as this might sound because girls are hardest to impress and most protective of their guy friends, it will be well worth the effort. Being girls themselves, they are also more likely to understand and respect the boundaries that must be made when people are in a committed, monogamous relationship. 

And a note on flirting: flirting is a necessity in life. Flirt with the customer service representative to get that phone bill issue sorted out. Flirt with your girlfriend's mom to get on her good side. Flirt always, and flirt often. Depending on the kind of flirting, it's not always a bad thing. As long as it's not inappropriate, being flirtatious can get you pretty far.


"Seeking Sensibility" is a weekly relationship column by Morgan Summers. Going through relationship problems? Just got into a fight with your best friend? Caught in the middle of an awkward situation? Morgan wants to hear about it! Write in with stories or questions and you may be featured in next week’s column.



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