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'New Girl' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap 'The Captain'

Kendall Robertson |
October 9, 2013 | 1:39 a.m. PDT

Staff Reporter

"The Captain" Oct. 9, 2013 (Fox)
"The Captain" Oct. 9, 2013 (Fox)

This week’s episode of “New Girl” was hot and heavy from the very beginning to the very end.  We open on Nick and Jess: panting and laughing, in post-sex bliss.

Though the two seem to be very happy between the sheets, we sense immediate danger when Jess suggests that they take a moment to actually get to know each other, and Nick decides he just wants to eat a banana and have sex again. 

Trouble in paradise. 

In the living room, Schmidt is listening to the giggles of the happy couple- clearly bothered.  He cannot stand their utter blissfulness is his state of loss and disrepair.

Winston, on the other hand, has found ways to cope.  He has made a survival backpack- equipped with a blindfold and a bell to wear around his neck so that Jess and Nick would know when he was coming down the hall.

Very similar to a bell one might put around the neck of a house pet, eh?

Speaking of pets, Winston is also lamenting the fact that Ferguson, his newly acquired cat, has to be neutered.  Nick has a suggestion: get Ferguson laid before he looses his manhood.  His next suggestion?  Cat strippers. Obviously. Despite Nick’s joking manner, it is clear that Winston has taken the advice to heart.

It’s after Winston leaves the breakfast table that Schmidt returns to the apartment with a cake shaped like a “1.”  He then cheerily congratulates Nick and Jess on their one-month anniversary. The two are immediately suspicious. Nick confronts Schmidt; only to have Schmidt try to get into his head.  Schmidt reiterates that usually by this point in a relationship, Nick would be nervous- prone to overthinking relationships and bouts of sweating. Nick realizes that is going on.  But it is too late. 

The war has begun. 

That night, Nick is unable to get excited about being with Jess. Jess tries a variety of tactics: reading him an Indian food menu, painting herself blue like a Smurf, and punching him in the face. Even though this sequence is hilarious in its entirety, and done to the tune of Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky,” it does nothing to get Nick aroused. 

The next morning, Winston finds himself at the pet store- but instead of picking out a girl-cat for Ferguson; he picks up a cute girl.  Unfortunately, Winston is too blinded by his mission to get Ferguson laid, and is only interested in the girl’s cat. He asks her, “How often to you groom your cat?”  Classic. 

Back at the apartment, Jess tries to confront Nick. Refusing to talk about his emotions, Nick frantically dodges the conversation. Schmidt sees his moment to pounce, and asks Jess if she wants help: “You know, my diploma may say that I majored in Communications, but my heart says that I majored in Nicholas studies.” Jess cracks and tells Schmidt about last night’s sexual struggle. Schmidt, looking disheartened, proceeds to tell her that men such as Nick crave danger and variety in their love lives…He then proceeds to describe “the captain” (which is also the befitting title of this very episode).

Although we don’t get to hear much of what “the captain” entails because of the sound of a blender, we come to find that “the captain” is a sex move that contains several dignified qualities such as:

  • racial sluts
  • offensive
  • animal sounds 

That night, Winston’s friend from the pet store comes over with her cat. It is clear that Winston is still oblivious to her interest when the girl pulls out wine saying, “It’s been a long six months, this cat needs some wine.” Winston responds with the fact that cats probably shouldn’t have wine. Probably, Winston.

Meanwhile, Jess is attempting to have a relationship talk with Nick after performing the aforementioned “captain.” She says that she was uncomfortable, and that she felt like he didn’t like it. Nick is literally speechless, but when Jess begins to tell him that she only did it because of Schmidt- it dawns on both of them…

Jess and Nick charge into the living room, infuriated with Schmidt for getting into their heads. It’s then that Schmidt points out their fatal flaw: communication. Nick finally steps up his game, communicating like never before.  He starts with the fact that the “captain” made him feel bad, then delves into his love for cellos and zebras giving birth at the zoo, among other things… (Essentially word vomit, to steal a phrase from “Mean Girl.”) But he ends with the most important note to Jess: “I really like you.” Jess and Nick kiss and make up.  

Schmidt, however, is so infuriated that he throws himself between them - literally this time. Schmidt pushes himself between to two in bed, proceeds to cut up Nick’s condoms and goes so far as to digest Jess’ birth control pills. His theory? If I’m not having sex in this loft, no one is having sex in this loft.  

Winston, finally broken out of his cat-related stupor by his roommates’ manic yells, breaks into the bathroom to chastize the three: “Our cats were just about to have sex!” That’s when the cute girl from the pet shop finally realizes that all along, it was really about her cat.  Winston, on the other hand, finally realizes that it wasn’t about his. 

Regroup for a loft meeting. 

Winston has several points to address including, but not limited to: boundaries, public space, private space, medications (taking others peoples…), etc.  He asks Jess to stop saying “squeeze my biscuits” while in the room with Nick, and that Schmidt deal with his breakup issues. Both reasonable requests, I suppose. We then cut to Schmidt leaving an apology letter for Cece.  She seems to be recovering fine, dating another man and using Schmidt’s apology note to dispose of for her used gum.  

At the loft, Nick surprises Jess with soundproof walls that aren’t really soundproof. No matter. Jess rewards his kindness with a confession, “This past month has been the month of my life.” And with that, we leave the happy couple in their humble abode, with Nick finally sharing his feelings and Jess wanting nothing more than for him to rip her clothes off.

Oh how the times have changed.

Reach Staff Reporter Kendall Robertson here.

'The Captain' Oct. 9,2013, (Fox)
'The Captain' Oct. 9,2013, (Fox)



 

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