This week’s episode of “New Girl” begins in the kitchen.  Schmidt is living under a cloud of guilt: he says can’t even look at himself when he thinks about how he treated Cici and Elizabeth.  He asks Nick and Jess, desperately, if he’s a good person.  

The answer is a resounding no. 

This response rattles Schmist and he tears up and hurries into his room, “I’m a good man!”

Looks like someone is having a bad day…

Moments later, a mystery man appears at the door with a package for Nick.  He says he’s with Nick’s late father’s estate, and after passing the bag off to Jess, he makes a run for it.

Not sketchy at all.

Despite Nick’s premonition that inside of the bag is a hand… He's wrong!  Luckily it’s a bag of money!  And not just a little money: $8,000 dollars. 

Money 'New Girl' FOX

We immediately cut to the mall, where Nick is buying every unnecessary item in sight.  While Jess and Winston watch this shopping spree, Winston reveals that Nick owes him $1,900 dollars, and that this is his opportunity to recoup his losses.

After they return to the apartment, Jess suggests that Nick start a bank account with the money.  Nick is convinced, however, that he wants to keep his money where he keeps his bills, in “the box.”  When Jess sees Nick’s overflowing box of unpaid bills, she realizes he has a problem and resolves to take the issue into her own hands. 

Meanwhile, Schmidt has paid a visit to his Rabi.  Looking for guidance on being a better person- the Rabi tells Schmidt to start caring more about other people, putting their needs ahead of his own.

It’s then that Schmidt delivers one of my favorite lines of the show: “This is when I wish I was Catholic.  A couple Hail Mary’s and I’d be off the hook.”

(I went to Catholic school.  It got to me.)

Schmidt’s opportunity to be a better person falls into his lap almost immediately.  A biker falls off his bike nearby, and chokes on his gum.  Schmidt runs over and saves his life.  Schmidt is overjoyed.  

In fact, Schmidt is so estastic about his heroic feat that he momentarily forgets to call 911.  

Back at the apartment, we see that Jess has been sneakily paying Nick’s bills behind in his room.  Winston has been up to his own tricks as well, cooking Nick sliders in order to “slider back into his heart,” and ask for his money back. 

Unable to recognize Winston’s stellar pun, Nick is enraged by Winston's request.  Jess supports Nick’s anger, and encourages him leave and get drunk.  Jess has obviously only done this to further her own cause, however, as she rushes back to Nick’s box as soon as he leaves.   

At the bar, Nick has seemingly managed to get drunk in a matter of seconds, and is making a speech about the stupidity of money.  The old man listening to his rant nearby responds: “You give me 50 dollars, I’ll show you my private parts.”

Hm.

Anyways, Schmidt approaches Nick in this vulnerable state and tells him to give his money to charity.  He then shares his story about saving the biker’s life… But Nick will not give him the confirmation he needs: he won’t tell Schmidt that he’s a good man. 

Coming down from his drunken stupor, Nick returns to the apartment to give Winston back his money (Winston = charity, right?).  Upon his return, he discovers that all of his money is gone because Jess paid his bills.

Nick is infuriated.  He doesn’t understand why Jess thinks she needs to fix him…  She asks, “You haven’t done jury duty or even paid your taxes?”

“Not until gay marriage is legal everywhere- I stand by that,” Nick asserts. 

After delivering that hilarious line, Nick sets out to fix things that are wrong with Jess by going through her personal things.  He finds a variety of nick knacks: her “night" peanuts in her bed stand, bobby pins and “beat up old sacks” (aka her vintage purses).  Nick proceeds to throw her bags out the window, and declares that he’s not changing for anyone.   

Jess, defeated, sadly writes him a check for the money she spent and tells him to do what he wants with it.

Still searching for affirmation, Schmidt has ventured to the hospital to visit the man he saved.  After learning that another patient was doing a cancer fundraiser and got hit by a bus, Schmidt wonders aloud, “Why am I trying to be a good person?”

He then runs from the hospital- and straight into a bar mitzvah class to tell his Rabi and the students of his new epiphany: YOLO.  Nothing matters. 

Genius Schmidt. 

Back at the apartment, Jess appears to have made friends with a homeless man who has acquired her purses that Nick tossed out.  It is while they are chitchatting that Jess gets a phone call- it’s the bank.

At the bank, the bank teller informs Jess that Nick was trying to open an account with a check with her name on it, and paper bag full of money.

Not suspicious at all.  

Nick admits that he realized something: he would do anything for Jess.  It is then that Jess realizes she would do the same for him- and she yells at the bank teller until they get the processing fee waived for Nick’s new bank account. 

With an extra eight dollars in their hands, the two furiously make out.

Happy Couple 'New Gir' FOX

Ah, young love.

Schmidt returns to the apartment, a little worse for wear, because he got beat up by rabis.  Winston finally gives Schmidt the confirmation he’s been looking for, and tells him that he’s a good man- he just needs to be better.  Then, Winston gives Schmidt a candelabra: “May it illuminate your path and lead you out of the darkness.”

I't almost poetic. 

Schmidt responds with a serious question, “How many times did you run this thing to see if a genie came out?”

“I wont lie to you man- I rubbed it like 3 times…” says Winston.

My only wish?  That next week's episode will be even better than this weeks.  Check out the preview here:

Reach Staff Reporter Kendall Robertson here mailto:karobert@usc.edu