The winner of the Bacon Film Festival walks away with $11,000 (Twitter/@JuameSoler_NYC).

The International Bacon Film Festival kicked off yesterday in New York, much to the elation and long-awaited anticipation of bacon aficionados everywhere (Basically, most people).

The Hormel Bacon Party sponsors the festival while also promoting its Black Label variety of bacon. All festival entries had to be centralized around bacon. No, Kevin Bacon did not make an appearance.

Amongst all this, I'm trying as hard as I can to find some sort of artistic or sentimental merit to the event and films themselves, and the outlook doesn't seem promising. What do I do?

I give it my best shot, of course, as bacon-eating film critics are wont to do. Let's take a look at a greasy handful of these short films:

"The Bacon Photographer"

An inside look of the background and inspirations behind a photographer who has made taking pictures of bacon his one and only passion. He goes into much detail, revealing his earliest memory of bacon when he was a wee tyke. The event changed his life: "To me, you have to do what you love with what you love. I love… I love bacon."

It's quite an unusual path for a photographer to take, but hey, if the shoe fits, keep snapping those pics.

"In the Mood for Bacon"

Two very serious vegetarians confess their secret indulgences to the occasional helping of bacon. Ah, see how strongly the bacon allures those unreceptive to meat, ladies and gentlemen? It tempts even the strictest vegetarians away from their own moral code. It's a quick documentary clip with tons of one-liners praising all things bacon and the guilty pleasure behind it, since, you know, they don't like eating meat. You can stop hitting me across the face with that script.

READ MORE: Have Your Bacon And Drink It, Too

"Bacon to the Core"

Poorly drawn action hero Jack Thrashface finally makes his entrance into heaven in this animated short. With all the perks and amenities of the afterlife he could ask for, he is a satisfied man, except for one tiny issue: they do not serve bacon. He then runs away action-movie style into a blitz for the Earth's core, making it all the way there for his bacon fix.

Admittedly, I'd also hate to be in a heaven that didn't serve bacon. What kind of heaven is that? (Answer: hell.) But is it worth breaking a glass bottle over the head of the angel that escorted you beyond the Pearly Gates just over some bacon? I would have gladly taken that chicken platter, you ungrateful swine. Speaking of swine…

"Baquon"

Bacon porn at its absolute finest. I mean it. It's porn, except instead of people, there's bacon instead. It has all the right components: extreme close-ups, dramatic lighting, an abundance of Foley effects, and a female voiceover in a soft, seductive whisper. I can feel the warmth of her breath on my ear. Get your tissues, guys. You'll need them... because huge bacon-themed meals get pretty messy and you don't want that getting all over your clothes.

I'm getting hungry.

"Portrait of a Bacon Enthusiast"

A short and charming little quip about a hillbilly's bacon fascination. Of course these interviews aren't genuine. They're completely fabricated and obviously scripted, yet somehow entertaining enough to elicit a cracked smile. Then again, suspension of belief goes out the window when the subject wears a bacon cross around his neck. It's certainly not a bad short film. It's charming. And in their own special little way, all of the short films are.

READ MORE: BACON MANia Brings Home The Bacon

Have I been duped? Was I taking this whole International Bacon Film Festival thing too seriously? Perhaps this festival is not merely about celebrating the effectiveness of the visual spectacle of cinema in emotional and captivating storytelling, but also paying tribute to one of humanity's most coveted treats. Now let's go clog our arteries.

You can watch even more bacon-themed short films on the International Bacon Film Festival's YouTube channel.

Reach Staff Reporter Rex Lindeman here. Follow him on Twitter.