S.C.A.R. organized Sexual Assault Protest, photo by Neon Tommy

While the numbers present clear, simple data, one USC student argues that sexual assault may not always be quite so black and white.

According to Darren Blum, a former USC student who graduated in 2011, there may in fact be many shades of grey involved in the labeling and prosecution of sexual assault at universities throughout the country. 

“It’s kind of surreal; you never think that sort of thing can happen to you,” said Blum. “But it’s also something that I think happens much more often than people care to admit.”

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With the prevalence of alcohol, minimization of clothes, and confusion of flirtation, Greek culture—and college parties in general—can begin to blur the lines of socially acceptable behavior. 

If you hook up with a friend at a party, are you no longer just friends? If you blackout on the weekends are you an alcoholic? Where does the line between dashingly assertive and frighteningly aggressive lie?

“We were at a party at my frat and she was a friend of mine,” recounted Blum, describing the night where he joined the ranks as a propagator of sexual assault. “I asked her back to my room and she came and we started hooking up… but she asked to go back to her friends, to which I said ‘I’ll let you see your friends in 15 minutes.’ But we interpreted this differently; I meant it only in a casual, flirty way.”

READ MORE: Universities' Failure To Adequately Respond To Sexual Assault On Campus

Some people argue that the alcoholic haze can contribute to blurred lines and poor comprehension of social cues, according to Blum.

“She just didn’t want to really want to do it—but I didn’t realize that right away,” said Blum. “She came to the party and she was drunk. I was pretty drunk. At one point I realized that something was going wrong, so I stopped. I got really scared at that point because I knew that I had done something bad.”

Between the convoluted shades of grey that surround college hook up culture and the haziness of a few too many shots of alcohol, the truth is not always immediately obvious. Recategorizing someone from friend to rapist takes time—as many victims of sexual assault who have come forward with their stories clearly know. 

“The friend who came to get her from my room asked her if I had raped her,” recalled Blum. “Ultimately, after weeks of really talking about it and going to therapy at the rape emergency center in Los Angles, she said, yes, that I had raped her.”

Many men and women charged with sexual assault—like Blum—emphasize their own incomprehension of having done anything truly wrong. 

“No one is ever going to think to themselves that they are going to be in a rape situation or that they’re going to rape somebody,” said Blum. “I read Tucker Reed’s story and she asks, ‘how could two such good people raise a rapist,’ but at some point I think that college men at least, don’t know that what they’re doing is wrong.”

READ MORE: Underreported Sexual Assault Statistics A Problem, Students Say 

“The way I found out that anything had happened was because I went to DPS,” said Blum. “The DPS chief said that as far as sexual assault goes, if she said 'no' at any point, and you continued, then you’re guilty. He said ‘don’t tell me anything. I don’t want to hear anything, just get yourself a lawyer.’”

“So I went and found a lawyer in Santa Monica. But I never ended up having to hire him because [the girl] never pursued anything through LAPD,” continued Blum. “But we had to go through Student Judiciary Services (SJACs) because once anything is reported, they have to go through the whole judicial process.”

One of the big criticisms raised in the discussion of college rape culture is that the way universities reprimand convicted rapists pales in comparison to the consequences that they would face in the real world. While rapist who stand trail in federal and state course face years—or even lifetimes—in prison, many college students like Blum emerge from convictions of sexual assault relatively unscathed. 

Blum explained that the main repercussions that he faced following the Student Judiciary Committee’s evaluation of the case was having to check in regularly with the victim and file a progress report. 

The real punishment in Blum’s eyes, however, is the fact that he “lost a good 40 friends from it—not just because they won’t talk to me, but because I don’t really want to have to talk to people about it.”

“I haven’t hooked up with anyone since then,” Blum continued, “I haven’t really been able to pursue seeing anybody or even thought about starting to seeing people for awhile,” said Blum. “I don’t really trust girls, or even friends in general too much anymore—especially in an intimate setting.”

READ MORE: ‘There was no intention To Deceive’ Says DPS In Response To Underreporting Sexual Assaults

Blum explained that the reason he wanted to share his story—as discomforting as it is to recount—is to open up the discussion of sexual assault to prevent further instances of confused sexual boundaries, for the sake of both the victim and the aggressor. 

“I think the only way to really change anything is for people to keep doing exactly what they’re doing  and talking about it,” said Blum. I don’t think that anyone would ever think that they’d be responsible for raping someone.” 

He raises the issue that by treating sexual assault as a taboo topic—one to be avoided at all costs—people miss out on the opportunity to actually try to change rape culture. Rather than helping potential victims know how to protect themselves, making the definition of sexual assault even more crystal-clear for accidental would-be rapists, and helping people know how to respond and recover from the pain of sexual assault. Society teaches us to ignore the issue or make light of it, and simply hope that it goes away. 

“I think the biggest problem for guys is that they don’t know that they are doing anything wrong until after the fact,” said Blum. “People criticize SJACs for not being harsh enough, but I don’t think that increasing the punishment would reduce the number of sexual assault issues. Most people aren’t afraid of the consequences because they don’t really feel like they’re breaking any rules." 

With sexual assault protests, press conferences and shared stories, USC students all seem to be in agreement about one thing—they want greater transparency in regards to sexual assault and more discussion how to prevent it in the future. 

Contact Associate News Editor Sara Newman here. Follow her here.