Well, it has finally arrived: those hot summer Sunday nights when HBO swaps its bright and shiny trophy-show “Game of Thrones” for something a little less shiny and a lot more... bloody. Oh yes, believe it or not it’s season 6 of “True Blood” and I’ll be your host for a little recappin’ fun times. Warning: there will be snark. And blood, obviously.

We immediately find ourselves back with no one’s favorite threesome, as Sookie and Eric realize they should definitely get the hell away from Billith (thank you for that one, Pam). He’s still bloody and fangy from drinking Lilith’s blood and tries to trap Sookie and Eric in an elevator, though not before Sook takes her millionth dive into a... you guessed it, pool of blood! There are never shortages of blood pools on this show.

Aaaand for our actual first death of the season, Luna dies and tells Sam to take Emma and run. Looks like Merlotte’s is gonna be hosting some PTA meetings in the future.  

Oh hey look, there’s a pool of blood falling on Jason! He’s downstairs killin’ vamps at The Authority headquarters with vampire ladies Nora, Pam, Tara, and Jessica. He’s on their side for now, but insists he’s not taking any orders from them after this. He’s kinda pissed about a vampire named Warlow who killed his parents. They all think Sookie and Eric are dead for like two seconds, but nope, they were just stealin’ a cool Authority SUV. The building ‘splodes as they drive away and sure enough Bloody Bill emerges alive and well.

Roll the credits! Man, I missed “Bad Things.” Also not gonna lie, I’m going to miss Jim Parrack. Hopefully Hoyt finds a nice girl in Alaska.

Louisiana Governor Truman Burrell gives a press conference in Baton Rouge declaring war on vampires. Humans are takin’ back the streets. Vampires are given a curfew (ooooh, snap) and vampire-run businesses are closed down. Get lotsa guns, he says. Great. An “alternative” girl pelts him with red paint and screams, “Stop the bloodshed, gov’na!” in a half-British accent. She’s from “Humans for Vamps,” how nice.

Daddy Eric pulls the car over to tell Pam to stay out of his way. Plus, newsflash: Nora is his sister. Get over it. She goes to cry some blood and Tara is there to comfort her. Meanwhile Jessica is not down with killing Bill, and Jason totally is, so it’s up to Sookie to make Jess feel better with a little sisterly (motherly?) talk.

Nora almost gets shot by Jason after glamoring him for info on Warlow, but Sookie stands in his way. Jason, done for good, disowns Sookie and runs away all whiny. Also, Warlow is Lilith’s progeny?! Wait there’s no time for that -- Bill is uber-summoning Jessica but with like blood-spurting mouth disease and heart squeezing tactics. Suddenly going to Bill is the only option, but Eric summons Pam and Tara back to Fangtasia.

Oh hey, there’s Alcide eating former packmaster JD’s flesh. Um, ew? Oh well, he’s the big bad wolf now. Everyone violently rips their shirts off and goes for a run. His lady from last season, Rikki, catches him in the woods with new naked pack-lady Danielle, and decides she’s his “number one bitch.” Well then.

Also big shocker: Andy’s not ready to raise four babies. He’s not? Really? Arlene gives him a pep talk and a diapering lesson. When Andy wakes up, his four kids have turned into toddlers! Those pesky half-fairy kiddies.

Merlotte’s is dark and scary, but it’s only Lafayette holding down the fort when Sam appears all covered in blood with Emma. Sam begs Lala to forget he saw them, and Lala is all chill as hell and shows Sam the newscast of Luna turning into Rev. Steve Newlin from last season on TV. That shit is even crazier than “Dance Moms,” he says.

Jason Stackhouse hitches a ride from an old man named Creepy McCreepster, okay not really, but it’s Warlow! And Jason is his stupid usual self and tells his entire life story to the guy just before Warlow decides to disappear behind the wheel and crash the car. My bet? He’ll awake in a pool of blood. Also can we talk about how Warlow is the same actor who played the head vampire in the original “Buffy” movie?

Back to what we really care about (I guess?): Sookie and Jessica creep into Bill’s house and find him lookin’ totally cool and casual on the porch. He’s not even bloody! Eric and Nora fly in at warp speed and try to stake him, but Sookie stakes Bill first! Everyone gasps! But Bill is totally cool, he has new no-staking powers. Billith apologizes to Jessica for squeezing her heart and shit, but Sookie’s not buying it, she says the real Bill Compton died last season (I say season two, but whatever). Jessica sides with her maker and tells Sookie’s crew to get lost.

Gov. Burrell meets with a Tru Blood rep and offers her a bottling plant that’ll help Louisiana make more revenue. Remember when Tru Blood took a big blow when The Authority bombed their factories? So much for Burrell hating vamps, he just wants him so dough and a re-election.

Back at Fangtasia! Tara’s all “screw Eric!” but Pam can’t get over it. Pam tries to pretend like she doesn’t have feelings for her progeny, declaring that they’re not going to be an “epic f***ing love story.” She can’t replace Eric, and she never will. But perhaps Tara won’t have to, because the Governor’s troupes barge in and stun her with a light gun thingy after trying to defend Pam.

We think Sookie and Eric are gonna rekindle their sexy times from last season, but Eric gives her back the deeds to her house and Sookie rescinds his invitation. She’s going to try and move on --  like that’s going to happen. Eric warns Nora not to bring up his love for Sookie like, ever.

Bill comes to creepily tuck Jessica in and give her a boring metaphorical history lesson. He sorta maybe seems sincere, and tells her he needs her to keep him in check with these new crazy Lilith powers (like telekinesis? Wtf?)

He goes to be all old and read a book when Lillith’s voice calls to him, except there’s three of her now, and they all enter his body at once with a gasp and we’re out!

Reach Staff Reporter Rebecca Grumet here.