One of the most important things about a relationship is to balance your time between your partner and your friends. Everyone’s a little guilty of at some point devoting too much time to a boyfriend or girlfriend. The first relationship I was ever in was one of those horrible types where you only hang out with your boyfriend and no one else. Luckily, I still had a great group of friends when we broke up, but I very quickly realized how important it is not to lose them in the first place.  

Everyone has their own perfect balance of time with friends vs. time with boy/girlfriend. But what qualifies as too much time with one or the other? When do you cross the line and need to time manage better? The most ideal situation wouldn’t force you to choose one over the other. Best-case scenario, they’re friends with your friends and you can spend time with both at once. Even with this though, you often need alone time with both. 

My boyfriend is in a frat. One of the most well known stereotypes of a frat boy is how into their “brothers” they are. Well it’s true. When we first began dating, he only spent time with his friends. He never made time for me and always chose his friends first. After a while, I started to get really frustrated because I wanted more. I wasn’t sure, though, if it was appropriate to ask for more time devoted to me. I absolutely didn’t want to be “that girl” who whines about not getting enough attention and makes all of his friends hate me for stealing him or forcing him to only spend time with his girlfriend.

Not to mention, I didn’t want to take too much time away from my own friends. But it reached the point when he never made time for me and I grew sick of it. Know also that this was his first ever relationship so taking any time away from his friends was terrifying, because he didn’t want them to think he would choose anything, especially not a girl, over them. He was 100% the “bros over hos” type of guy and had never been faced with a problem like this so I was very wary in bringing it up. 

The best way to cautiously address this kind of situation is to try gradually changing it. Directly telling the person that you feel you should be put first is probably not the best way to go about things. Tell them what’s on your mind but in a very delicate manor. Explain lightly how in a relationship time management is key and every now and then it’s ok to go to dinner, for example, with you and just you instead of his or her friends. Tell them that their friends will definitely understand that if once a week they choose you over them. You can try and slowly ask for a little more time every now and then until you feel it’s right.

Careful with the other extreme too, though, because spending too much time with your partner is probably much easier than spending too much time with friends. In most relationships, it’s easy to get caught up in your partner and kind of forget about everyone else. However, you never know what may happen in a relationship, whereas your friends will always be there. Make sure that you’re still always making time for something special like a weekly girls'/guys' night and definitely make time for a friend or two daily or every other day. These are all pretty obvious basic social skills but it’s good to be reminded that friends are equally important, especially when you're in a new relationship.  

It doesn’t have to be totally equal but just make sure not to spend a drastic more amount of time with one over the other. You don’t want to make either party feel that they’re less important. Basically, just be a good friend without being a bad girl/boyfriend. 

Email SexSCapades@NeonTommy.com with questions for next week or comment below!