How many times have you heard “it’s all about the chase?” Probably more than you can count. I’m beginning to wonder, though, is it actually? Yes, I suppose a minor chase adds to the attraction because most people don’t want something if it’s too easy to attain. But when does the chase go too far? Does there come a time when you should just give up and move on?

It’s a bit contradictory. Everyone wants to be pursued, to know the other person wants him or her more than anyone, yet often, when they actually show that amount of interest, they come across as overbearing. For over a year and a half, a man had pursued my friend with every grand gesture possible. He sent her flowers, often. He continuously asked her on dates until she finally agreed. He talked to her nonstop (in a good way), even when he went out of the country for several months. She was clearly a bit slow to warm up to the idea of accepting him as more than a friend, but when she finally did, it was as if a switch turned off in his mind. 

The exact day she decided she was ready and wanted to try something serious with him, he began to distance himself from her. He no longer talked to her all the time, at most he would ask for late night “booty calls.” The days of flowers and dates were long gone and roles began to reverse. She started trying to prove herself to him, but the effort was pointless. Several more months passed where she tried to persuade him as he had previously done to her, but they only became more of strangers. A year and a half of effort just down the drain. So why is it exactly that people do this - only want you until you want them?

Many people have a huge fear of commitment, especially like in this case, in college. They’re certain they want something, but as soon as the possibility actually presents itself, they second guess themselves and are worried it’s not actually what they want. It’s just another case of thinking you’re right until you’re not. Think about the amount of times you’ve thought you knew exactly what you wanted to do with your life and then changed your mind. Although in this case, you would think you’d be able to figure your feelings out over the span of nearly two years, but sometimes you just change your mind.

Another reason why this happens so often is a lot of people are scared of what others will think. If none of a person's friends are in relationships, it’s probably not exactly going to be the most appealing idea for them to be the first. Especially depending on what “stage of life” they’re in, they may have a seemingly sudden change of heart. In this case, the girl waited and didn’t make up her mind until he was nearing the end of his last year of college. For most people, when they’re about to start a new phase of their life isn’t a time they want to begin a new relationship. 

Regardless of the reason why someone is suddenly not into you, if they’ve been trying to get your attention for such a long time, there’s probably still something there. Most of the time, if you show them the effort back that they’ve been putting forth all this time things will work out. I chased a guy for about six months, and although I felt kind of pathetic that I kept it up for so long, it ended up paying off. If you can genuinely prove to the other person why they should be with you, no matter why they feel they shouldn’t, they’ll generally want to commit. Sometimes it takes a long time, but even the most stubborn of people can end up changing their minds if they’re given the right reasons. 

 

Comment below or email SexSCapades@neontommy.com with questions for next week!