In the 7th grade, my then "boyfriend" went on a field trip to a bowling alley where he kissed (probably on the cheek) another girl behind the Pac-Man machine. He found me later that afternoon right before I got on the bus home and told me everything. I was devastated (because I put so much effort into the week long relationship) and I broke up with him immediately, vowing to my 12 year old self that I would never, ever put up with cheating. Fast forward to high school, when I had my first real boyfriend. Unfortunately, this one didn't end much better because after a year, he too cheated on me. This time, I was actually devastated but still kept my vow and broke up with him. Third time's the charm and guess what? It happened again. 

Fast forward again to several years later, when relationships aren't simply going on a couple dates then you're officially, exclusively together. I had been hooking up with a guy for 6 or 7 months, ending and starting more times than I could count, when we finally decided to be "exclusive". This lasted about a week before we - shockingly - ended things again. Not long after, we got back together. By this point, he was well aware that I wanted a relationship and assured me that this time he really, actually wanted to be exclusive and was going to prove it. He sure proved himself when a few weeks later, surprise! I caught him making out with another girl. A girl who he'd known for several years and always had a secret crush on, and not to mention, was my friend. 

Again, keeping to my promise, I ended it. I didn't speak to him for a week, even after he sent flowers with a long hand-written letter. His friends all tried to reason with me, but I was determined. He kept trying to contact me, saying all the right things, everything I had waited months to hear. It came to the point, though, where I began to wonder if my 7th grade vow could in fact have exceptions. Is it ever ok to get back together with someone who cheated on you?

Clearly, my original answer would have been absolutely not. But what if there’s some sudden, drastic change in your partner’s behavior? What if this episode put everything into perspective and made them realize how much you actually mean to them? These thoughts are only going to come about if they actually lose you, though, which is one of the many reasons why I do agree with 12-year-old self in saying that you should always break up with someone who cheats on you. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t get back together. 

After someone cheats, it’s essential to have time apart. They messed up BIG time, so if there’s any chance of a relationship still existing, they should respect however much time you’d like to yourself. This doesn’t mean having sex with a bunch of new people, because getting even is not the goal. This means taking time to determine whether it’s worth it to get back together or not. Obviously, you should only consider this if they show immediate signs of wanting to get back together in the first place. If they seem nonchalant, or worse, happy and content to have cheated, do everything you can to get them off your mind and don’t even consider taking them back. This is even truer if it's a second time offense. If someone has cheated on you more than once, pack your bags and don’t look back. They are not worth a second more of your time. 

If this is only the first time though, and they realize immediately that they’ve messed up and begin to beg for your forgiveness, then and only then should you take that time to yourself to reflect whether a future relationship is worth it or not. If you’re as determined as I originally was, you may wonder why you'd even consider giving them another chance. Well, we’re all just human and we make mistakes. Sometimes, it really could just be a one-time thing that can be overcome. Don’t be fooled into thinking this when it’s not the case though. Make them prove it. Make your partner show you that it will never happen again, even if it takes a bit of time. If they truly mean it, it won’t matter how much time it takes. They’ll recognize the severity of the damage they caused, and if they really want you back, they’ll do whatever it takes (to a practical limit). 

Still, the biggest factor in taking your partner back is trust. Will you ever be able to trust them again? If you’re already someone who has trust issues then unfortunately it may just be best to say goodbye. They’ll be working for a while to regain your full trust but if you constantly accuse them of a potential repeat or are always worrying and thinking that it’s going to happen again, neither one of you will be happy. Not to mention, constant nagging would do more to encourage the behavior than prevent it. This is, again, why that time apart is so important. You need to come to a conclusion on your own concerning whether or not you’ll be able to fully trust them again. 

Finally, after you’ve had time alone to weigh the options, and they’ve gone to necessary lengths to prove their worth, then it’s appropriate to make an educated decision. In my case, regardless of how much my inner 12-year-old would object, I ended up taking him back. He exceeded any expectation I could have ever created to prove he had truly changed and to show that it would never happen again. It was worth it because he did completely change, became my boyfriend, and it never happened again. That guy from high school, on the other hand, went on to cheat on his next two girlfriends, and definitely never tried to prove his worth. 

In the end, it’s your call. But really take your time to think about it because there are millions of other people out there who would prove themselves a hundred times over, or who preferably would just never cheat in the first place.