Far too often, teachers, parents and other people looking out for our interests feel the need to remind members of our generation that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Regardless of whether or not the statistic is accurate, their remarks illustrate a greater problem: attitudes toward divorce and marriage in general. 

Most people get married with the goal of staying married, but perhaps people should instead get married with the goal of staying happy.

It is inevitable that people continue to grow and evolve long after they get married, and in an ideal world they would grow together; but in reality sometimes people grow apart. Rather than suppress personal changes or grow resentful of one another for changing, sometimes the best course of action is simply to accept that perhaps a one-time love isn’t necessarily a forever love. There should be no shame or feeling of failure from admitting that perhaps a change of heart, rather than death, is reason enough to part. 

The impermanence of love is not something that people can control, no matter how hard they try. For the sake of their happiness, people must simply enjoy the love that they have while it lasts, and not allow fear of loneliness to force them to stay together once the joy fades away. Once the love has left a relationship, both partners ultimately deserve the chance to look for love again, rather than trying to force together pieces that no longer fit. To some people this may sound like a defeatist attitude or a cop out, but to be able to look back on a past love with fondness and warmth is better than allowing to it expire, better than forcing it to sour and decay like spoiled milk.

Many studies suggest that divorce rates are much lower than 50 percent, and may be as low as 35-40 percent. While many people fear that this high number indicates failure, the truth is that it is a sign of freedom and progress. Just a few centuries ago, there was no possibility of divorce. Once a person uttered those two binding syllables, there was no longer any ability to change his or her mind when the love dissipated from a marriage or if the opportunity for a deeper, truer love presented itself.

As the wage gap continues to narrow, women become increasingly capable of independently supporting families, and the ability to leave an unfulfilling marriage is becoming more accessible to women as well as to men. As stigma against divorce fades and economic dependencies weaken, fewer constraints stand in the way of people being able to do whatever they must in order to attain the optimum level of happiness and fulfillment.

When you love someone, you give your partner your whole heart, mind and soul. This is not something that should be taken lightly. Just because someone feels ready and willing to make a commitment for a time does not mean that he or she should have to forsake future love or happiness simply because he or she had at one point thought that the love was lasting enough to say “I do.”

 

Reach Guest Contributor Sara Newman here; follow her here.