Long distance relationships can be the hardest kind of relationship to maintain. I was in one for three months and can definitely vouch for that. Those who have done it would most certainly agree and those who have not may think it’s quite easy, as I naively did back in the day. Before I scare anyone off, I should clarify that long distance relationships are hard but not impossible. Some people are better at making it work than others and some relationships can withstand it. My boyfriend and I were some of the lucky ones; we managed to survive those grueling months apart.  

The key to long distance relationships is trust. In order for that to exist when you're not physically together, though, there has to be great communication. This doesn’t mean you have to be texting and calling each other every minute, but a daily phone call is good and video chatting once every few days is also nice. Having an idea of what the other person’s schedule is like is helpful so you don’t have unnecessary doubts about why they aren’t responding or who they’re with. Again, this doesn’t mean nonstop texting or updating the person every time you tie your shoe, but just informing your partner that you’re going to be in a meeting, for example, and won’t be reachable for the afternoon doesn’t hurt.  

As long as you’re in (reasonable) constant communication, and you trusted each other prior to being apart, maintaining trust now shouldn’t be too different. One of the most obvious difficulties about being apart is the physical aspect of your relationship. Not having sex for a prolonged period of time when you’re used to having it several times a week is a huge adjustment. Some people are okay with not having sex for a few weeks or months, but other people are obviously not.

To make your time apart and these periods without sex seem shorter, you absolutely need to visit each other every few weeks or months (depending on how far apart you are). Beware that the first few days alone after seeing each other, though, are the most depressing of them all. If you are two people who don’t like going more than a few days without sex, cheating or breaking up are not the only options.  

One of the greatest features of video chatting is that you can actually see one another. So say goodbye to old-fashioned phone sex, and hello to glamorous Skype sex: the closest thing you’ll be able to get to real life sex. You can start Skype sex by reliving a previous sex session between the two of you that was especially hot. Tell each other what you really liked about it and then start to suggest what you would do to the person if they were actually there now. Recreating a past experience is the perfect transition into a new one. In video chat sex, you’ll also be getting yourself off in front of one another, which usually actually turns on the other person even more.  

Another way to go about long distance relationships that some people feel works great for them is an open relationship. I think open relationships are the biggest copout. Either you’re together or you’re not, and blurring the lines can get messy and complicated. Your trust goes out the door because the definition of an open relationship is hard to define. What’s appropriate and what’s not always is a thin line, and when you disagree about where the line is, you create conflict within the relationship.

Going to college, for example, most people need (or want) to have the “typical” college experience at some point during their four years. If this is you, don’t do an open relationship. Break up with your partner for a time and if you still want to be together after a semester or year of being with other people, then by all means go for it! But don’t hang on to each other as safety nets while you have sex with other people until the moment you see each other and all of a sudden are madly in love again. It’s just not realistic and only leads to more problems, which are even harder to deal with when not together.

Relationships take effort regardless, but when you’re apart for a long period of time, they can be much more taxing. You can make them work, you just need trust, communication, and a maybe a little lesson on dirty talk.  

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