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SexSCapades: Role Play

USC Student |
March 4, 2013 | 5:50 p.m. PST


Editors Note: SexSCapades is a weekly sex and relationship column. Have a question you want to see addressed next week? Comment below or email here!

Photo by Jean Koulev
Photo by Jean Koulev
I was 16 when I first role-played.  I had been dating the same guy for about six months when he suggested it. Sex was the main aspect of our relationship, although I certainly didn’t realize that then, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. I was pretty adventurous, even then, so I obviously agreed. His fantasy was typical; he wanted me to be a schoolgirl. So I armored up with my most scandalous button down blue shirt, the shortest plaid skirt I could find, and most importantly a ruler.  

I was a little nervous at first that one of us was going to burst out laughing but turns out role play is way more hot than humorous. As long as you’re comfortable with the person, which generally you are in a relationship of a few months, role play is the perfect way to spice things up.  Not that relationships get boring, but sometimes they can become routine, especially the sex aspect.  It can be planned with costumes, like this time was, or it can be a spur of the moment decision where you just speak differently to each other. 

In another occurrence recently, I was hooking up with someone when out of nowhere, he suggested we try role play. I thought I misheard him because it was so out of character but the spontaneity ended up making it that much sexier. Usually the guy likes to take control, like my first time, but if you’re a girl, do not be afraid to put yourself out there and tell him what to do. It’s actually fun for roles to be reversed every once in a while and I’m sure he won’t mind taking a break. Plus, what better time to try than when you’re acting as someone else? Not to mention, you just may end up liking the power.  

If you’re interested in role playing and not sure how your partner will react, though, how can you go about initiating without it being awkward? First, it’s best to do it with someone you’re already comfortable with so that if something unexpected happens, you can just laugh it off and joke about it later.

It may also be good to suggest it while you’re already hooking up, like my guy did. When you’re already in the heat of the moment, it will be much less intimidating to propose the idea and they’d probably be way more likely to go with it. This way, your introduction will also be tamer than doing a role-play with full-blown costumes and allow you to get a taste to see if you actually like it. And, if your partner wasn’t into the idea, this allows them the opportunity to just ignore the suggestion and continue hooking up instead of being forced to awkwardly decline. 

Regardless of whether the role-play is planned out or not, there are so many different characters you can choose to play. First, if you or your partner has some sort of fantasy, this is definitely the direction to go in. If neither of you have anything specific in mind, though, your choices are endless.

For starters, something generic like teacher and student is great. It clearly defines who’s in control and everyone knows the teacher/student dynamic. There’s also no rule that says you can’t switch roles halfway through.

Any roles that specifically define who’s in control are going to work best. If you or your partner are really into conventionally masculine roles, something like a plumber or electrician would be great. This may seem boring but can give way to some really great dirty talk. Another choice is prisoner and guard. In this fantasy, the prisoner would have to do exactly as the guard says until it’s time to switch roles; then it’ll be pay back time. 

Most importantly in role-play, though - and really sex in general - is confidence. In role-play, if you feel like you’re making a fool of yourself, you probably aren’t. Just commit and keep going with it because your partner probably loves it. You can’t really mess up because you’re not even being yourself. Pretty much anything goes as long as you're having fun!

Email [email protected] with any relationship or sex related questions!



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