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SexSCapades: A First Time For Everything

SexSCapades |
February 18, 2013 | 6:15 p.m. PST


Editors Note: SexSCapades is a new sex and relationship column. Have a question you want to see addressed next week? Comment below!

Photo by Jean Koulev
Photo by Jean Koulev
Entering college, everyone thinks they need to have already had sex. No one takes virgins seriously; no one will find you attractive; and no way will you ever find someone to do the dirty deed with now. This is probably one of the biggest relationship myths about coming to college. USA Today says that almost a fourth of all college students enter as virgins and that number is only increasing.

It's actually becoming less likely for students to have already had sex prior to their freshman year. So for any of you who have yet to get down to business and think you're alone, think again. 

Virgins at college are for some reason thought of as a strange and rejected rarity, so they feel the need to lose the title as soon as possible. It's as if a switch goes off and there's a sudden need to make up for lost time and have sex as much as possible. So many people who spent all this time waiting because they were scared or weren't ready realized, "something [they'd] built up in [their] mind totally didn't exist."* As with anything that you thought to be daunting, it is not surprising to want so much more of it once you discover it to be the opposite. 

But why have so many incoming freshmen not yet had sex? The majority of people who take the plunge in high school were those who were in relationships, so without that, "the opportunity just didn't present itself." Most people don't feel that they have to wait for "the one." They're often just looking for someone who they are comfortable enough around, and that is typically a boyfriend or girlfriend.

In reality, most 18-19 year olds don't have even remotely as much experience as they seem to think their peers do. But because everyone operates under the assumption that no one else is a virgin, there's that imminent need to be on the same playing field.

The worst part, though, is the fear that because a college student didn't have the experience in high school, they won't be able to find anyone here and then would seem "pathetic when [they] find someone [they] want to be with." It's almost like a never-ending cycle of the feeling of "permanent inexperience." But don't fear, there are far more people at college with much less experience than you think.

Even if you feel inexperienced, college truly is a time of experimentation. As a freshman, no one has ridiculously high standards, seeing as they have very little experience themselves. Or even if they do, they're not going to judge you because you weren't perfect. Most younger guys aren't going to notice a difference between good sex and bad. More likely than not, they're probably just going to be happy to be getting some in the first place.

Girls, on the other hand, are a little more sensitive to the quality but are also more selective when it comes to what guys they'd have sex with. So if they are already in bed with you, chances are it doesn't matter how good you are, especially if it's a one time thing. And if the goal is for consistency, they probably won't care as much about the quality or will give you tips on how to improve (which is much less embarrassing than it sounds). 

Plus, if you find a partner that is just as inexperienced as you are, there's even less room for insecurities. In both cases, you'd have nothing to compare it to and it's probably not going to be that good anyway, leaving plenty of room for improvement.

Sex is fun, but it's made to be a way bigger deal than it actually is. It would be a big deal if the extent of your experience was kissing and you suddenly jumped all the way to sex, but chances are you're going to do a little more than kiss before you decide to lose your virginity. It shouldn't be taken lightly because of the possible consequences, but take the proper precautions and sex should be something to excite you, not scare you!

*All quotes provided by participants who chose to remain anonymous. 

Comment below with your questions for next week!



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