USC's Department of Public Safety mandated the installment of fingerprint scanners into all on-campus housing in November. (Graham Clark/Neon Tommy)

I’ll have to admit, my first reaction to hearing about the increased security that would be provided through this technology could only be described as sardonic. “Oh boy, fingerprint scanners,” my Facebook status proclaimed. “Because all of the problems around here have totally been because of people climbin’ in yo windows and snatchin’ yo ID’s up.”

While such a simple status may be truly insignificant, the idea behind it was relevant. The primary problem I immediately saw with the system was that it was superfluous. The fingerprint scanners aren’t deterring anyone – it’s the fact that there is a live, polo-wearing body monitoring dorm traffic. If there was someone sitting in each lobby merely checking ID’s or even re-swiping them, the exact same effect would have been produced. No publicized theft had been committed because a criminal had a student’s ID and used it to gain entry to a building – it is exceedingly likely that recent thefts have been due to the ill-intentioned act of following a student into the building after he or she has used an ID. Therefore, any of those crimes could have been halted had someone been present to verify their identity. It seemed a little irrational and cost-neglectful to invest in fingerprint scanners when they were so unnecessary to achieve the purported goal.

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In reasoning specified in further information sent to the student body, the reason for fingerprint scanners rather than ID checks was apparently so that students who lost their IDs could still enter the building. If the ID scanners on the buildings and elevators are not required to enter a building, they really no longer serve a purpose. However, that didn’t necessarily stop the administration from installing brand-new ones (our $60,000 a year has to go to something other than concerts, right?).

However, if one looks past the fact that it doesn’t address the original problems particularly well, there aren’t many remaining problems. Inconvenience and standing in short lines seem to be the first-world problem causing an outcry among disgruntled students. Such students are also the first to say that a StaffPro worker and a collapsible table won’t prevent a crazed gunman or strong-willed criminal. While this claim is valid, it is highly irrelevant. The former measures also didn’t protect from such a scenario – in fact, there aren’t many measures that could. The human ability to reason seems to have curtailed any efforts to commit such a crime thus far. If someone reaches a point so far from this reasoning ability, then it is more likely to fear that they will venture to steal students’ fingers. However, in reality, any security system can be circumvented if someone “on the inside” is helping out, and the scanners are no exception. There are several measures that will remain unidentified that can be taken to avoid them if one really wanted to.

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The longstanding issue I foresee arising from this new technology is the sluggishness of the guest pass process. Not only is it excessively frustrating trying to get into the dorms of neighbors, but any guest, if visiting for more than an hour, has to exchange an ID for a guest pass so frequently that the attendant no longer asks for the room number. This can be especially annoying when you have a student, their parents, their eight siblings, their maid, and their dog ahead of you. The slow-moving guest pass system is really what creates the traffic and impatience.

So students, have patience, wait for the days of upperclassmen identity, where the Promised Land of Cardinal Gardens awaits. Be thankful for the kind StaffPro workers and be patient with the ones who aren’t. Few jobs require such vigilance at three in the morning.

Run and tell that, homeboy.