Hanna and Caleb tried their best to hide their love away from "A". (ABC Family)

You have been missed “Pretty Little Liars”. Not just by this recapper, but also by the general population of melodrama-deprived TV-zombies you have made us all into trying to wade our way through the thoroughly unfrightening fall TV season. I, for one, certainly missed that overwhelming sense of paranoia every time I pass a not-fully-covered window, and the chills that run down my spine when I see things like a hand clawing its way out of a burial plot. Really though, what would we do without you “PLL”? Besides, you know, sleep restfully at night?

I guess the plus side of my “PLL” insomnia is that I had alllll night to sit and mull over what an amazing catastrophe Tuesday night’s Halloween special was. The episode clarified as many issues as it created. The most frustrating form of equilibrium. So, without further ado I present the top 5 revelations and burning questions from “This Is a Dark Ride”. Ready to get your mind blown? All aboard.

Revelation #1 – Garrett really didn’t kill Alison.  Newly released from prison, Garrett spent most of his time in the episode trying to confess to Spencer what really happened between him and Alison the night that she died. His first attempt was thwarted by a “protective” Toby, who immediately threw Garrett out of the Hastings household. Garrett finally got Spencer alone… all he had to do was abduct her. Casual. But this time around, Garrett seemed less in the mood for honesty and more in the mood for survival. His disposition was desperate and frantic. He told Spencer that she was the one he really wanted to keep safe but he wasn’t strong enough. “I’m going to tell you everything I know and then I’m gone.” That was his deal. Spencer took it. That fateful night, after Melissa stormed into Ali’s bedroom, Garrett took Jenna outside to give Melissa and Ian some space. They found Ali in the DiLaurentis’s backyard, and she immediately started threatening Jenna about coming back to Rosewood. The threats escalated into an all-out girl fight and Garrett ended it by pretending to hit Ali with a field hockey stick. He hit a tree instead, but to the blind Jenna, it sounded like Ali’s demise. Garrett went back to check on Ali later, which is when he realized…

Revelation #2 – Ali and Mr. Montgomery had a secret “thing” going on. Apparently-innocent Garrett stumbled on a not-so-innocent meeting between Ali and Aria’s pop later that night. It went something like this – Ali: “I’m not the one that makes people do these things. If you don’t pay for your mistakes, how can you become a better person?” Byron: “You say all of these grown up things, but you’re still a child. “ Ali: “Don’t kid yourself. You know what I’m capable of.” Umm… say what now? We all know that Papa M has a thing for younger girls, but that young? Aria was immediately in denial and insisted that Garrett was lying. But if he was lying, why did… 

Revelation #3 – The “A’s” murder Garrett. They say that dead men tell no tales. I guess the “A” Team was listening. A drugged and abducted Aria found herself locked in a wooden crate with a very dead Garrett. She successfully stabbed one of the “A’s” in the hand (it sounded like the guy “A”… who sounded a lot like Lucas) and was rescued by the girls before being thrown off the train. Too bad no one was there to save Garrett. By episode’s end Spencer realized “A” manipulated them into getting Garrett out of jail the whole time. The sooner he was a free man, the sooner he could be a dead one. That’s two members of the NAT club down. Jason better watch his back.

Revelation #4 – It’s kind of fun knowing Toby’s secret. As much as we were all devastated to find out that the absolutely ab-tastic half of Spoby was Mona’s “A”ccomplice, this information has given the show added depth. When we see Toby get physical with Noel at the end of the episode, we realize it’s not so much because Noel is a raging d-bag, but because he needed the ice bucket to fall and reveal the body bag inside.  Seeing the inner-workings of the “A” team creates this dark dynamic during the show. It’s almost as if you’re thinking through “A’s” moves with them. You become “A”. Creepy. I like it. If there is one thing this episode confirmed above all else it’s that Toby and Mona are not alone in this game, so we can look forward to trying to piece together the rest of the puzzle as the season plays out.

Revelation #5 – Ali = zombie!?! In the last scene of the episode, viewers were “treated” to a clue about Ali’s death – it didn’t happen. At least not like everyone thought it did. We saw a hand, wearing Ali’s signature charm bracelet emerge from the ground in Ali’s backyard where she was supposedly buried alive. The autopsy listed Ali’s cause of death as being buried alive after suffering blunt force trauma to the head. What else happened to Ali that night? How the hell did she get buried alive twice in one night? Or is the autopsy fake? All these questions transition us perfectly into the second half of this assessment –

Burning Question #1 – Boo! Seen a ghost? Between Paranormal Activity 4 this past weekend, and the long-standing tradition of using adorable little kids as twisted horror movie mechanisms (The Exorcism, The Omen, The Shining, etc.), I have developed a serious distrust of children. Cute kindergartner? Try homicidal maniac (Orphan, anyone?). Someone should have warned Mrs. Marin about this Tuesday night, as she developed a little too much attachment to one creepy-as-hell little girl. Blonde ringlets, blue eyes, white nightgown, lost from home. Everything about this just screams NO. Then the freezing cold little girl started talking about her abusive twin sister and their depressed mother. OH HELL NO. And then, just as quickly as she appeared, the little girl was gone. As if she never even existed. Mrs. Marin, like the rest of the audience, was justifiably spooked. But the question remains, who, or what, was the little girl?

Burning Question #2 – Was Ali a twin? Anyone think the creepy little girl looked familiar? No, she was not from your nightmares (well…maybe), but rather was the exact same actress who played the twin girls in Alison’s Halloween story last year. Fans of the books already know where this plot line is headed, but the rest of us are left piecing together clues of one of the biggest reveals coming on this show. Did Ali have a twin sister? That’s certainly what they want us to think. If so, then what the hell happened to her? Well, that’s the real question, isn’t it?

Burning Question #3 – Ezra’s definitely in on it, right? If the secret baby, the fake name, and the sock drawer full of money wasn’t enough, Tuesday night’s episode all but guaranteed that Ezra Fitz isn’t as squeaky clean as his big blue eyes hypnotize you into thinking. Just hours before the party train took off, Ezra bailed with some obviously fictitious story about a meeting in Philadelphia or whatever. But he magically showed up at the end of the episode, right about the time Toby resurfaced,  with some story about how he was trying to surprise Aria at the “end of the line.” Curious wording Ezra. Pretty sure that’s exactly what A’s text read earlier. If that wasn’t incriminating enough, one only need look at the troubled expression on his face when he and Aria embraced. That wasn’t an “oh shit, my girlfriend just almost died” face, but more of a “oh shit, I almost just helped kill my girlfriend” face. Ruh roh. But for those of you still holding out hope for Ezria, take note – I rewound 3 times to specifically confirm that there were no wounds on Ezra’s hands, meaning he was not the male “A” Aria attacked when trying to get free. Is there hope for him yet?

Burning Question #4 – How many “A’s” are there? It was really hard to keep count. There was the Queen of Hearts, who everyone initially thought was Mona, but was actually…  a dude? Okay, so there was cross-dressing “A”, and then hoodied “A”, who was seen lurking around Em and Paige’s rendezvous, and then Ali mask “A”. The latter was ultimately revealed to be Mona (what’s up with her caressing Hanna … creepy), but who were the other two players? And where does Toby fit into this? I checked the hands of every person at episode’s end but couldn’t find any stab wounds. As Hanna said during the episode, “Everyone’s messing with us. You can get a varsity letter messing with us.” New theory – everyone is “A”. Let’s run with it. 

Burning Question #5 – What’s going to happen next? The episode ended with a major cliffhanger as Alison’s body (or what we are meant to presume is Alison’s body) was discovered on the train. Who the hell put it there? I haven’t a clue, but I’d bet that the “A’s” will have framed Garrett. And oh yeah, how the hell are they going to explain that one? I see another witch hunt on our hands. Will Jason be the “A” Team’s next target? All the signs point to yes. As a concerned viewer who has recognized a pattern of all the most beauteous men on this show either A) being evil, or B) getting shot, I’m not liking these odds for big bro DiLaurentis.  And Byron, boy does he have a storm brewing in his direction. Could you imagine Aria’s devastation if she finds out her father and friend were having an affair? Or, as the conspiracy theorists have already speculated, did she discover this years ago and put an end to Alison herself?

I’ve counted exactly 30 questions in this article, plenty to keep you curious cats satisfied until “PLL” returns on Jan. 8. And if that’s not enough for you, here’s a Tumblr completely dedicated to “PLL” conspiracy theories. Have fun!

Reach TV Editor Kelly Hanelt here, or follow her on Twitter here.