"True Blood" Recap: "Gone, Gone, Gone"
Aside from Reverend Steve and Russell Edgington’s decision to listen to Katy Perry while hooking up – they’re gay, not fifteen-year-old girls – the penultimate episode of “True Blood’s” fifth season was actually pretty good.
By far the most powerful element of “Gone, Gone, Gone” was Hoyt’s decision to leave town without his painful memories of Jason and Jessica. In the beginning of the episode, Hoyt tells his ridiculously overprotective mother that he’s taking an oil-drilling job in Alaska. Later, he meets Jason and Jessica at Merlotte’s and despite their protests, informs them of his move. Furthermore, he asks Jessica to glamour him to forget that she and Jason ever existed, and to forget about their heartbreaking affair.
The scene in which Jessica glamours Hoyt is one of the season’s most impactful and genuinely heart-wrenching moments, as it is clear that Jason doesn’t want
to lose his best friend and Jessica doesn’t want to be forgotten by her first love. The pain in Jessica and Jason’s eyes as they realize they are indeed about to lose a loved one is so intense that it makes you wonder if these are really the same people who started an affair in the first place.
“True Blood” could really use more scenes like these. Boobs and blood are all well and good, but nothing packs a thought-provoking punch like a paradox. And as Jason and Jessica leave Merlotte’s as strangers to Hoyt, we can’t help wondering if we would all be better off with our less-than-savory memories.
Jessica certainly could use her own relief as she agonizes over her lost love with Hoyt. Weirdly enough, she gets it when Bill sends a security team to her house, forcing her to leave Bon Temps and join him at the Vampire Authority. Jessica actually looks pretty happy when Bill tells her she will be staying at the AVL (no Hoyt memories there) but she looks slightly terrified as he gets philosophical about how he’s found God in a hopeless place and gives her a book of Lilith. The barely contained horror on her face resembles what I would look like if both of my parents decided to become Scientologists and became BFFs with Tom Cruise.
But, like Bill, I’m getting ahead of myself. Before Jessica arrives, the Vampire Authority undergoes a couple changes: namely, the loss of Molly (you know, that computer geek who kinda looked like Juno? Well, she got staked) and the gain of Eric. Indeed, Bill gives Eric, along with Nora, some of Lilith’s blood in order to turn him into a “believer.” Instead of seeing Lilith, they see Godric, who tells Nora that hunting humans, as Lilith wants her to do, is wrong and that his evolution has helped him be a better person. Lilith comes up behind him and chops his head off, dousing herself in blood despite Nora’s pleas to spare Godric’s spirit. And in doing so, she kind of looks like Carrie. As if seeing that image once in my life wasn’t enough.
After this ridiculously bad trip, Eric comes out even crazier than the rest of the Authority. He says he pledged his allegiance to Lilith once she destroyed Godric and even goes so far as to apologize to Russell Edgington and forgive him for his sins against his family. Um, okay. Are there any sane male leads left on this show?
Predictably, though, the love for Russell doesn’t last long. The Council balks when Russell tries to convince them that vampires need to find a way to walk in the daylight, and Salome asserts that vampires should stay nightwalkers. This spat escalates faster than that Superman ride at Six Flags, and everyone – Bill, Eric, Nora, and Barb from “Cougar Town” – takes Salome’s side. Russell storms out of the Vampire Authority, most likely making a beeline for the Reverend. After all, Steve had seemed pretty excited about the daywalking idea when Russell brought it up to him during their “Teenage Dream” listening sesh.
He’s not the only one with an eye out for the Reverend. After Russell and Steve kidnapped (or wolf-napped) Emma at the end of last episode, they rose to the top of Luna’s most-wanted list. Luna and Sam see a TV promo for Rev Steve’s next live appearance, which clues them into his whereabouts. They shift into mice and sneak into the Rev’s dressing room, hiding in the bag that he conveniently takes back to the Authority with him.
Their timing is perfect, as Emma has transformed back into a little girl and is really, really homesick. Just as Reverend Steve is berating her for being human – the Tiger Mom has nothing on him – Luna and Sam (in their mice forms) dart out of his bag and into her room. Their sure-to-be-amazing escape will be continued next week, in the finale.
This week, though, something truly incredible happens: for the first time in five seasons, Jason outsmarts Sookie. Encouraged by Sookie’s mention of the Gran vision that told her to look under the bed for clues to their parents’ murder, Jason taps on the floor until he finds another box hidden under some loose floorboards. In this box, they find a piece of parchment with some ancient-looking script on it. When they have it looked at by a professor, they are told that the script is not any known language…at least not any human one. Oh “True Blood,” you are sooo clever.
Befuddled, Sookie and Jason go to Fairyland, which is now apparently their Sunday night haunt, to see if anyone there will recognize the script. Claude introduces them to Andy’s ex Maurella, who tells them it’s a 1702 agreement between an ancestral Stackhouse and M. Marlowe in which Stackhouse grants Marlowe his first female heir capable of child-bearing. Apparently, since 1702 the Stackhouses haven’t had a fertile female heir…until Sookie. Poor girl just can’t catch a break.
In other news, Elijah, the newly appointed “sheriff” of the district/the lost member of My Chemical Romance or some other terrible emo band that I liked in seventh grade, tells Pam and Tara that Fangtasia should get some peepshow-like booths in which vamps can suck on humans for a fixed price and time. Sounds…trashy. He also warns that he’ll take possession of Pam’s assets, including her progeny, if Pam fails to help the district produce at least 30 new vampire babies each year.
Later, Pam tells Tara that she doesn’t care if Black Parade Boy takes Fangtasia because she and Tara can “live in the wind.” Yeah, because Pam really seems like a low-maintenance, in-touch-with-nature kind of girl. Somehow, I can’t picture her doing peyote and finding her spirit animal.
In a rarely admirable act, Tara refuses to run. Instead, she tricks Elijah by saying that she thinks she’s sucked a human dry and, as he’s leaning over the mortal, she fatally stakes him. As an annoyed Pam walks in, Tara tells her that they shouldn’t have to go anywhere.
Thankfully, many of my least favorite characters were a no-show this week, including JD, Terry, Arlene, the evil smoke monster, the Obamas, and Martha. While the hate groups and fire monsters seem to be gone, chances are we’ll see the wolves next week for a battle of a season finale.
Last but not least, the quote of the week:
Lafayette to Holly and Andy as he makes them dinner: “Save room for dessert. I ain’t gonna tell ya’ll what it is, but best believe it’s gonna be flamin.’”
Reach reporter Lindsay Dale here.