Just because they aren't in a war zone, doesn't mean the liars aren't handling some pretty explosive situations this week. "Pretty Little Liars", ABC Family Tuesdays at 8. (Image courtesy of ABC Family)

Think you’ve got it all figured out? Think again. With the season finale rapidly approaching, it’s just about the time that “PLL” has historically gone bat-shit crazy on our unsuspecting behinds… and judging by this Tuesday’s brilliant display of that aforementioned “bat-shit crazy” factor, we have arrived. Despite numerous pledges from show runners and actors alike that the show’s “A” was not the same as the book’s, March’s unmAsking of Mona followed the novel’s plotline exactly. What has this taught us? Don’t trust anyone or anything (in exclusive context of the show, of course, I am not about to make reckless conspiracy theorists out of the lot of you). Yeah, so they released 12 possible candidates for the next “A”ccomplice, but who’s to say that the real “A” wasn’t Maya? Or isn’t still Mona? All we really learned this Tuesday is that all bets are off. It’s kind of easy to get wrapped up in all the clues and metaphors and blinking arrows of blame in the coming weeks. But I urge you to sit back, relax, and just enjoy the show. Leave all the overthinking to me, that’s what I’m here for. Shall we begin?

The episode opened with Hanna and her mom rearranging potted plants on their patio… an obvious metaphor for how easily “A” is manipulating and moving the girls around like pieces on a chessboard. JUST KIDDING. I’m not going to get that crazy on you. They were actually moving around potted plants as a perfect excuse for Hanna to come across a decaying letter from Maya to Emily that someone (cough cough, “A”) left on her porch sometime (cough cough, the Ouija board incident). The contents of the note read as such: Emily, I’m sorry for everything. I know we’ve had a disconnect, I hope you’ll give me a chance to explain. I have to show you something. Don’t call my cell. Someone stole it. Meet me at… the letter was so damaged, the end of Maya’s letter was illegible. However it wasn’t too damaged to make out the date – April 12th, the day she died.

When Aria arrived at Ezra’s apartment with breakfast, it was all too clear that she wasn’t willing to let the Maggie thing die. She was so stiff, distant, and weird, even Lana Del Rey looked cuddly in comparison. The only person not picking up on her vibes was Ezra, who chomped down on his bagel with (feigned?) ignorant delight. Aria made it obvious for him, she brought up Maggie and her distress over the fact that he never tried to locate his spurned ex. Ezra told her that he did, for a long time, before he just accepted the fact she didn’t want to be found. She still blasted him for not telling her, especially when he opened up about Jackie. Ooh, Jackie. Just another reminder that this boy’s romantic history is a spectacular failure with “Mommy Issues” written all over it. Ezra was not so willing to let Aria criticize his secrecy. She invented secrecy. (That’s why her hair’s so big, it’s full of secrets.) He brought up the Jenna thing, and “A”, incidents that an appalled Aria classified as “completely different.” He excused himself to take a shower, and Aria left for school with a very bitter taste in her mouth… and I don’t think it was that jalapeno bagel.

And to keep the awkward encounters coming, Hanna was surprised at The Brew when Wren showed up, searching for a morning coffee, finding imminent heartbreak instead. See, I think Hanna Banana forgot to tell her luscious doctor that in the downtime since their brief kiss, she passionately made out, and got back together with her ex. Did Wren even cross her mind once Caleb was back in the picture? Seems like no, judging by how firmly she told him that their little connection can never happen again. Geez, Hanna, he only asked you to get coffee. She tried to buffer the rejection with a lazy compilation of excuses ranging from Spencer’s friendship, to her recuperation from the Caleb split. Wren was too smart for this (he is in medical school after all), and saw the situation for what it was – a lost hope. He told Hanna if she ever changes her mind, she knows where he’s at.

Just as you felt overwhelmed with pity for the guy (I mean, striking out with Spencer, then Hanna?), Emily swooped in to distract us all with her obsessive re-reading of Maya’s letter. I don’t care how she acts around Paige, Em is still clearly hung up on her ex. Can’t blame her though, the only closure she got came in a body bag. Unlike Emily, Spencer was focused on the now – as in now that she knows Toby is safe at an out-of-town job, she can focus on bringing her grades back up. “B is for bad!!” she barked at Emily.

Meanwhile, Ella was having an impromptu date with Zack (Remember, the hottie biscotti barista/ owner of The Brew?), who brought her an adorable lunch assortment that they shared over a desk in her classroom.  But the brie cheese wasn’t all they were sharing, as Aria walked in to find the two in the middle of a not-so-PG kiss. Having seen more of her mother making out than any person ever should, Aria interrupted their lovefest with very pronounced, “HEY MOM.” So. Awkward. Zack was slightly, and rightfully, embarrassed to be meeting Ella’s daughter this way, but handled the situation with grace, charming Aria before making a swift exit. Aria was clearly baffled about her mom’s new boytoy. He was cute, but not at all what she expected. Ella thought her daughter was bothered by the age difference. Umm, no, if there is one person in Rosewood who can’t complain about the age difference, it’s Aria. Besides, big age gaps seem to be a thing in this town. (Aria and Ezra, Jenna and Garrett, Ella and Zack, Mr. Montgomery and Meredith, Wren’s determined attraction to high school girls…)

While Aria and Spencer were at school, like normal teenagers, Hanna and Emily had a midday meeting at Hanna’s house. I will never understand this. These girls are practically never in school during school hours. Except for Spencer, because, you know, B is for Bad!!! But I digress, Emily astutely noticed something was bothering Hanna when she found her friend surrounded by large photos of Maya, all blown up and printed from her blog. When Em pressed Hanna for her motives, she immediately confessed that Caleb figured out the second “A”. They agreed to be together but pretend not to be together, for his safety, but the whole situation definitely had Hanna wigging out. Enter the big Maya pictures. Hanna thought that she might be able to pick up on a detail that was too small on the computer screen. Her plan ultimately worked, as they located Maya at the Kahn’s cabin in the last pictures she took of herself. She was in pajamas during the daytime, which meant she clearly had slept over. Record scratch…what??

Thank the TV writers that be that Spencer called at this exact moment, clearly bored in the downtime between getting all A’s, and looking for a new clue to overanalyze.  Oh, hi there Noel!  Spencer walked up to him and immediately accused him of lying to her. “Which time?” he asked. Maya wasn’t just a random guest at his parties, so what gives? Noel said he occasionally hooked Maya up with drugs, that’s all. Noel didn’t seem phased at all by Spencer’s confrontation, telling her how hot he thought it was that she thought he’s capable of murder.

Speaking of capable of murder, guess who paid a visit to Emily at work? That would be Nate. His semi-unstable behavior became downright aggressive when he saw Jenna there with Noel. As Noel left to go … somewhere, Nate saw an opportunity to give Jenna her comeuppance for blowing him off. After she coldly brushed off his greeting, he stormed (literally) up to her and started berating her about having a present he needed to give her. Jenna played it cool, telling Nate that since they never went out, she could not accept his gift. But he got increasingly agitated, asking repeatedly where he should drop off the gift. Jenna got up and sternly told Nate to stop, and that he needed to move away from her. He realized that he took it a little too far and ran out of the shop, leaving behind Em’s custom cappuccino for him, and Em herself, completely aghast at what she just witnessed.

Back at school, Aria learned that her mother was enjoying dating a little bit too much, booking three dates with three different guys in the span of 48 hours. What about Zack? Ella really likes him, but expressed skepticism over his commitment. A guy like that has got to be a player, right? Aria didn’t think so, and definitely didn’t hesitate to warn her mother about the precarious position she was placing herself in. She’s Ella Montgomery, not Hugh Hefner, after all.

Paige found Emily at work, clearly looking for a little comfort after their swim coach benched her because of a C grade. If B is for Bad, I wonder what Spencer would say C is for? Crappy? But Em knew that in this instance, C was for Console. She told Paige that she was already an amazing swimmer, and invited her over for a movie that night. Then she got to Paige’s favorite part of the consolation – the kissing. The happy couple parted, to meet up again at 8, since Em had to go “shopping” with Hanna after work.

Taking a cue from Emily’s text that Noel had left for practice, Spencer checked on him herself, before taking a detour home… through the boy’s locker room. She located Noel’s locker and picked the lock open with a nail file, successfully stealing Noel’s phone before two guys came back for a shower, forcing her to hide (very obviously, I might add) behind some sports equipment. Clearly not wanting to watch the full display these boys were about to give her, Spencer directed her attention to Noel’s phone, searching it’s history for Maya. Nothing came up. And yes, I freeze-framed the messages on Noel’s phone, there was nothing even remotely suspicious. As Spencer returned the phone to Noel’s locker, he walked in. But before he could even process what was going on, Spence slipped out in the sea of sweaty lacrosse players.

Meanwhile, Hanna and Emily took the whole illegal extra-curricular thing to a new level by breaking into the Kahn’s cabin outside of Rosewood. Too bad they failed to notice the fancy video surveillance set up in the yard… oops. Their trip initially seemed like a bust, as they uncovered nothing more than the usual day-after-party mess, including a bra hanging from the chandelier, and enough red solo cups to make Toby Keith cry with joy. The girls were about to leave when they noticed a door hidden behind some shelves in the game closet. The room they found was made up like a makeshift bedroom, someone was definitely staying there. But not just someone, Maya. Hanna found her bag hidden in some furniture and the girls sifted through its contents. Maya wanted to show Emily something, was that something in there? What they found was a hunting knife engraved with the letters LJ, a card Emily gave to Ali for her 14th birthday (umm, what??), and Maya’s bus ticket to San Francisco, meaning that she had never left at all. Just then, the door slammed shut, followed by all the shutters outside, trapping them inside the pitch-black room.

Em proved what she had learned from previous “A” encounters, and immediately grabbed a fire poker for protection. The girls shouted that this wasn’t funny, and “A” taunted them more by randomly opening and closing the shutters outside. There was no cell service available, forcing Emily to accept that they were in this alone. After a while, Hanna noticed that their tormentor had left. They found a window with a little light peaking through, and Emily smashed it with the fire poker, trying to create an escape. She couldn’t get through the locked shutters though, so Hanna took over with the hunting knife, until she accidentally cut herself in the thigh. Emily finished the job with a baseball bat and the girls escaped to try and get Hanna some help. On their way out, they saw “A’s” message for them, spray-painted on the exterior of the cabin, reading: I’m saving you for later – A.

Back in town, Aria and her mother were walking home after a leisurely yoga class. Ella spilled that her earlier coffee date was a bore, and Aria told her that she should just go after Zack. She visited The Brew earlier with Ezra, and got to know more about Zack, like the fact that he was only dating her mother. He effectively won Aria over, but she warned him, “If you ever hurt her, I will crush your scones.” Haha. Aria summarized their encounter for her mother and urged her to be straight with him before it’s too late.

Hanna and Emily finally arrived back to safety at Hanna’s house, but the wound in her leg was not getting any better. Hanna refused to go to the hospital because she didn’t want to explain to her mother, and forbid Emily to call Caleb for help. So who did Emily call instead? Wren, who was more than happy to come stitch up Hanna’s leg. She evaded telling him what happened, explaining only that she messed up when cutting a really big carrot, and he respected that she didn’t want to talk about it. Being much too gentlemanly to give Hanna antibiotics on an empty stomach, Wren went to work cooking her dinner with the negligible amount of ingredients housed in their fridge.  How romantic. Kind of.

Elsewhere in Rosewood, Emily returned home to find Nate waiting for her on her porch. He wanted to apologize for how he acted with Jenna. He had difficulty accepting the permanence of Maya’s death, and that Emily could empathize with. She showed him Maya’s bag, and after spotting a piece of clothing she used to wear, Nate broke down in tears. Emily C-for-Consoled him, however, like with Paige, this  soon turned into K-for-Kissing. Speaking of Paige, guess who arrived at Em’s just in time to catch this impromptu make out? Yup. And she was pissed. As Nate expressed how long he had wanted to kiss Emily (surprise to absolutely no one), Paige covered herself and texted that she was sick and had to cancel.

Things weren’t looking much better with Aria and Ezra, who watched a movie in his apartment in total silence. When Ezra said he was tired and just wanted to go to bed, Aria confronted their awkward situation. “We’re fighting without actually fighting,” she said. She apologized for her part in it, and how badly she reacted that morning. But that wasn’t what was bothering Ezra. He found Maggie.

Earlier in the afternoon, Spencer returned home to find an anonymous email on her computer, saying only “Stay out of my locker” with a giant smiley face and a link to the surveillance footage at Noel’s cabin the night Maya was killed. Fast-forward to that evening and Spencer was still at her computer, watching the surveillance video like a hawk. She spotted Maya biking up to Noel’s house at 10:04 p.m. When Aria arrived, she explained that since she was last spotted with Garrett at 9, this meant he wasn’t the last person to see her alive.

In happier parts of town, Ella stopped by The Brew for a late night drink with Zack. Apparently Aria’s advice resonated with her, and she decided to come clean to him about dating other people. She found it hard to believe that he wasn’t as well. Zack said their age difference wasn’t that big (her response: Try 10 years) and he was willing to give it a real go if she was. At least someone got a happy ending this episode.

After Hanna finished the dinner Wren cooked for her, she tried to move herself over to the counter to sit with her leg propped up, per his advice. Wren was only too happy to help hoist Hanna up, and even happier to linger around after as if waiting for a kiss. Hanna was steadfast in her rejection though, and told him that he should probably leave. He didn’t even try to hide his disappointment this time, even answering with sarcasm when Hanna thanked him for saving her. He just can’t compare to Caleb. Maybe his hair isn’t long enough…

The next day, Emily met up with Paige in the girl’s locker room to check that she was feeling ok after canceling on their date. Paige wrote it off as being “sick to her stomach.” Ouch. Only Emily didn’t know she was being insulted and went on to tell Paige about spending time with Nate that night. She left out their kiss, which only angered Paige more. If Paige was crazy enough to try and drown Emily just because she had an unrequited crush on her, I am really scared to see how she is going to retaliate on this matter.

Spencer called a meeting with the girls, minus Emily (why is she never here for these things?) to show them a key scene in the surveillance footage. At 1:14 a.m., Noel and a still “blind” Jenna arrived at his cabin, kissed, and went inside. Seconds later, Maya snuck around the side of the house into the front yard, where she was grabbed out of screen by an unknown assailant. So what does this mean? Since Noel and Jenna were in the house, and Garrett was arrested around midnight, none of them killed Maya. So who the hell did?

In our final “A” scene, “A” unpacked in their new apartment. They hung up a row of 5 black hoodies (5 members of the “A” team?) on a clothing rack (CeCe works at a boutique, she could have easy access to those). Tired of watching the news report about the impending jury selection for Garrett’s trial, “A” switched the station to “Wheel of Fortune” instead. Did anyone else see the word Hopkins on “A’s” box? Hopkins as in Johns Hopkins? Their medical school and residency program are both located in Southern Pennsylvania, which would implicate Wren.

See what I said about leaving the overthinking to me? After this week, there are so many questions, it’s a little bit daunting. So I’ll leave you with this one – With so many suspects all seeming so completely guilty, is it possible that the entire town of Rosewood is “A”? Now I’m starting to sound like one of those conspiracy theorists… that’s when you know it’s time to wrap this article up.

Next week, “A” threatens Spencer with a snake in her changing room. There is nothing I could possibly say to make this sound less random, so go ahead and watch the promo to see for yourself.

Reach reporter Kelly Hanelt here.