The fourth episode of “True Blood” packed plenty of punch – and vodka, tequila, and rum, as Sookie spent almost the entire episode drinking herself into oblivion while the other characters actually did something productive with their lives.

Sookie hit the booze as soon as she recognized that, as Lafayette so eloquently put it before going witchy and messing with the brakes on her car, she is the “f***in’ angel of death.”  In the wake of Debbie Pelt’s murder and Tara’s unwanted induction into the vampire world, Sookie realizes that her actions often lead to trouble and people kind of hate her.  The fact that she’s just learning this now indicates that there must be a hole in her brain even bigger than the gap in her teeth.

She runs into Jason’s house and tells him and Jessica about killing Debbie and convincing Pam to turn Tara into a vampire.  She begs him to put her in jail for Debbie’s murder, which he obviously doesn’t do.  Then, she starts whining that, like Regina George, she’s a life-ruiner.  She ruins people’s lives.

Her only real accomplishment this episode is jumping out of her cursed car before it wraps itself around a tree.  She follows this up by getting wasted and hooking up with Alcide, who tells her he lied to Debbie Pelt’s parents by telling them that Marcus killed Debbie after she wouldn’t hook up with him.  Then Alcide got mad and killed Marcus.  

The two truths and a lie thing works really well, because the Pelts buy it and the fact that Sookie doesn’t actually have to go to jail makes her very happy.  As she annoyingly croons “you loooove me,” into Alcide’s ear – ugh – Bill and Eric, who have finally escaped the Vamp Authority, see her hooking up with him.  This doesn’t bode well with either of them, and they start planning how they’re going to make her help them find Russell Edgington.  Thank goodness.  Girlfriend clearly needed some guidance/forced labor in her life.

While Sookie romps around with Alcide, other people are covering her tracks, as usual.  Despite the Pelts’ request to drop the search for their daughter, Sheriff Bellefleur tells Jason that he plans to continue the investigation – that is, until Jessica glamours him into forgetting Debbie’s murder and even her name.

Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Alcide (Joe Mangianello) stare lovingly into each other's eyes. Photo courtesy of HBO.

  His sudden memory loss gives him and Jason an opportunity to do what they do best – party.  Sleazy Judge Clements takes them to a place that initially appears to be some sort of strip club/sex joint/Magic Mike fan club (where’s Joe Mangianello when you need him?).  Andy sees his former fairy hookup Maurella and forgets all about Holly. After completing his own obligatory hookup, though, Jason runs into his cousin Hadley and learns that it’s really a fairy safe (sex) house.

Hadley urges him to find Sookie and take her to the safe house because all those vampires she casually sleeps with will one day find her and kill her, just like (drum roll, please) they killed Jason and Sookie’s parents.  Of course, Jason freaks out about this and tries to learn more, but he gets kicked out of the club and teleported back to Bon Temps.

He’s not the only one discovering jaw-dropping secrets.  After torturing Nora for like, three episodes, Vampire Authority bigwigs Roman and Salmone realize their tactics aren’t working and that they need to hit her where it really hurts.  Roman threatens to kill Bill (haha) and Nora’s slam piece/brother Eric unless she reveals the treasonous Sanguinista (human hater) on the Council.

She finally breaks and tells them that Chancellor Drew, the incredibly annoying Justin Bieber lookalike, is the traitor.  Roman then holds a meeting and literally rips the kid apart.  (Apparently Hollywood’s no-killing-kids rule doesn’t apply to vampires).  As blood goes everywhere, it’s obvious that there’s gonna be one less lonely boy on the Council.

Unfortunately, Tara, who capped off last week’s episode by attempting to fry herself in a tanning bed, doesn’t suffer the same fate.  Pam pulls her out of the bed and commands her to stop trying to kill herself before Tara can adequately burn, and before the writers of Final Destination 3 can sue for plagiarism.    

Pam also forces her to feed on a girl who looks exactly like Aria from Pretty Little Liars.  Once she’s done saving Vampire Tara’s miserable afterlife, she and Eric have a less-than-loving reunion where he accuses her of knowing Russell Edgington’s whereabouts and she dares him to release her from his care.

Later in the episode, though, he does exactly that.  Explaining that he’s going to be killed by either Russell or the Vampire Authority, Eric tells Pam that she’s his only legacy and he doesn’t want to drag her down with him.  As her maker, he officially ends his guardianship over her.  The scene is really emotional, and it’s like watching a parent send his child off to college – if that child was a badass ex-madam who still wears pink Juicy suits in 2012 and doesn’t care what anybody says about it.

Bill reunites with Jessica, his progeny, too.  He praises how she’s grown up into a nice, hard-partying sex fiend and she encourages him to go see Sookie.  That’s when he sees Sookie with Alcide and decides to make her life miserable.

In other news, Sam joyfully (for him, anyway) sees some of his old shifter buddies only to not-so-joyfully discover that they’ve been slaughtered, probably by still-fuming werewolves, only a few scenes later.  Also, while Terry and Patrick travel to Eller’s bunker in South Dakota, Terry remembers Eller killing civilians in Iraq.  Judging by the way he points a gun at them about a second after they arrive at his bunker, he’s still a little trigger-happy.

Among last night’s amazing one-liners:

-Pam telling Eric about turning Tara into a vampire: “Congratulations, you’re a grandfather.”

-Pam about Tara’s feeding habits (or lack thereof): “Three days old and she has an eating disorder.  Why me?”

Reach reporter Lindsay Dale here.