Last night on True Blood, Sookie interrupts her own hookup by barfing all over Alcide’s shoes, Jason has a seriously disturbing dream in which his parents bleed to death, and the crew finally finds Russell Edgington.  He looks like Voldemort with hair and a fully formed nose.

Just as Sookie and Alcide are about to finally have sex, she pulls a Cady Heron and throws up all over him.  "Word vomit…no, actual vomit."  Vampire Plastics Bill and Eric walk in and smirk before ordering her to help them find Russell.  This is pretty much the worst scenario I could imagine for a potential hookup, poor Sooks.

Before complaining once again about how she wishes her life was normal – after all, this is Sookie, and she has a whininess quota to fulfill – Sookie, along with Alcide, agrees to help Bill and Eric find Russell.  She reads one of Alcide's employees' minds and learns that a female Authority employee helped hide Russell in a conveniently nearby Haunted Mansion.  Her help turns out to be really valuable because Bill and Eric just heard that their Harnesses of Death would kill them by midnight if they didn’t find Russell.  

As they drive to the R-rated, Louisianan version of Disneyland, Bill and Eric argue about whether Nora helped release and hide Russell.  Bill thinks that Nora, who told the Authority she was a secret Sanguinista/human killer, only kept them alive so Russell would find them and reward her for helping him get revenge on his enemies…or something like that.  Eric gets mad at him for suggesting such a thing and says that Nora would never betray them because she’s like in love with him or something.   Honestly, I think Salome did it.  She seems pretty untrustworthy with her red lipstick and constant cleavage and general air of untrustworthiness.

Does this look like the face of a trustworthy woman to you? Photo courtesy of HBO.

Who helped free Russell remains a mystery until next episode, but Russell himself does not.  Even though they find him resting in bed, it’s clear that he’s gotten a lot stronger and, by the looks of how he leers at Sookie, is ready for some fairy blood.  Alcide turns into a wolf and it’s clear that they’re preparing for a battle.

Meanwhile, in the non-vampire world, Terry’s storyline just got a little more interesting.  Eller, who Terry and Patrick found last episode, tells them that one of the many Iraqi civilians they murdered (seriously, these people are the worst soldiers ever) cursed them, and now vicious fires will kill them and everyone they love.  While Patrick still thinks Eller's a PTSD-infested crackhead, Terry remembers seeing spirits rise out of the dead bodies and believes him. Pretty much the second that Patrick and Terry leave Eller’s house, what can only be described as an evil fire monster swoops in and kills Eller.  Well, where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

Things are going much better for Terry’s cousin Andy, who feels really guilty for cheating on Holly.  Jason tells him the sex club was really a fairy safe house, and while the sheriff’s apparent prowess with the fairies impresses him for a second, he resolves to never return to or discuss the safe house, which definitely doubles as Katy Perry’s second home with all its candy-themed decor.

The sheriff’s let’s-not-talk-about-it attitude doesn’t bode well for Jason, who is really messed up at the moment.  Last episode, his fairy cousin Hadley, who works at the safe house, told him that vampires killed his parents. This revelation causes him to have an extremely disturbing nightmare in which he sees his parents alive again, only to watch them bleed to death from their necks, the blood mixing with their breakfast cereal.  Not gonna lie, this scene really freaked me out.

It freaked out Jason too, who is clearly beginning to develop an anti-vampire attitude.  He blames vampires for the murders of Emory and Suzanne, Sam’s shifter buddies.

Sam, on the other hand, has no clue who killed his friends.  He goes to Luna’s house and asks her if she knows of anyone who would want them dead, and she says she does not.  (She also forgets to tell him that little Emma is a werewolf…whoops).  As they walk outside to say goodnight, a KKK-like gang drives by and shoots them!  Sam doesn’t look dead, but Luna looks pretty much done for.  Thankfully, Emma escapes, but not before seeing her mom’s possibly-dead body.  Yikes.

Emma and Jason aren’t the only ones seeing dead people.  After convincing himself that his dolls are talking to him and smashing them, Lafayette prays to Jesus (his ex-lover, not the religious figure) to please please please quell his creepy witchy alter ego.  Whoever hears this responds by sending Jesus’ disembodied head with a stitched-up mouth to, um, help Lafayette.  Understandably, the decapitated head terrifies Lafayette but when his crazy mother sees it, she’s not scared at all.  Figures.

While all this is going on, Vampire Tara is sulking around Fangtasia, looking buffer and angrier than Serena Williams.  After Pam not-so-gently reminds her that she must not feed off of the customers, Jessica sees Tara’s misery and tells her that being a vampire can be awesome.  They bond for about a minute after discussing how badly they want to eat humans and have sex…at the same time.

It's about to be a girlfight. Photo courtesy of HBO.

Unfortunately, their friendship ends abruptly when Tara breaks a rule of feminism by feeding off of Jessica’s ex Hoyt and Jessica throws her across the room.

In conclusion, this episode was creepy and depressing and I didn’t like it very much, but it did have some good quotes:

Pam to Tara: “You actually look halfway decent.” Tara: “If I wanted to look like a drag queen, I would have raided Lafayette’s closet.”

Sookie: “Alcide?  Are we ever gonna talk about the fact that I puked on your shoes?” Alcide: “No.”

Sheriff Bellefleur: “I f***ed a fairy?”

Reach reporter Lindsay Dale here.