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Game Of Thrones Recap: “The Old Gods And The New”

Michael Chasin |
May 8, 2012 | 11:08 a.m. PDT

Contributor

(Buddy TV)
(Buddy TV)
We’re thrown right into the action this week with Winterfell under attack. Theon’s implied plan is working perfectly, at least for now; by luring away the remaining Stark forces his crew was able to take the castle unawares, and now he simply has to convince Bran to surrender. He wakes the young lord to find the boy none too cooperative, and the betrayal really hits home when we see Theon still talks to Bran almost as if they’re brothers. The oldest Stark left in Winterfell agrees to yield in the interest of keeping everyone safe.

In the courtyard, Theon lets everyone know who’s in charge. Most are disgusted by the traitor, but Osha’s too practical to hold a grudge; she’ll serve any way she can. Just as Theon is trying to assert himself, some of his men return with a captured Ser Rodrick Cassel in tow. The knight spits on the new “lord of Winterfell” rather than serve, and when Theon tries to imprison him, his first mate steps in. The dungeon’s no good. If Theon wants his men’s respect, Rodrick will have to die. 

Seeing as how the young Greyjoy will do whatever it takes to win acceptance, he grudgingly goes through with the execution (by his own hand, at Rodrick’s prompting) while Bran screams at the injustice of it, considering they just agreed to a peaceful surrender. No mercy to be found, though. Theon brutally, messily decapitates the loyal knight, sealing his treachery in blood.

Beyond the Wall, Qhorin Halfhand leads Jon and a few other rangers through the gorgeous yet barren northern wastes. The old Night’s Watchman tells Jon about the virtue of their duty, then contradicts himself immediately. “It’s just words, boy.” Not too clear if this is the most or the least idealistic person Jon’s met since he arrived at the Wall.

At Harrenhal, Tywin chastises one of his council for barely being able to read; the Warden of the West is fairly certain Arya could do better, and it just so happens he’s right. Then Littlefinger arrives, which is bad news for Arya since he’s more than capable of blowing her cover. Baelish implies the Tyrells might be more than willing to join the Lannister cause, provided Loras and Margaery would be able to get the vengeance and the power they respectively seek. Arya tries not to make herself too obvious, but it’s very possible the master of coin realizes exactly who just spilled wine on him. If he has, though, he’s elected to keep quiet. For once. 

Back with Jon, as the rangers flank a few wildling scouts. They kill all but one, a redheaded woman that our bastard holds awkwardly at sword point. Her name’s Ygritte and, a wildling through and through, there’s no reason to let her live save the fact that she’s very attractive and Jon is a young, heterosexual male who hasn’t seen a (non-inbred) woman in months. Not too fond of the crows, as she calls them (a practice I will adopt from this point forward), Ygritte promises that King Beyond the Wall Mance Raydar has amassed hundreds of thousands of wildlings to his cause. That might be some trouble. Jon takes execution duty, while the other rangers bafflingly leave him alone.  A far better man than Theon, he deliberately misses. Ygritte takes the moment and runs. Jon catches up to her, but they’re a long way off from the other crows. The two are on their own for now.

In King’s Landing, a crying Princess Myrcella is shipped off to Dorne while the rest of the royal family looks on. Cersei, smoldering with hatred, vows that one day she’ll take away someone whom Tyrion truly loves. Joffrey, ever the sentimental type, thinks young Tommen is weak for crying at his sister’s departure. Sansa tries to interject with something about it being normal behavior, but considering he’s a complete and utter psychopath, Joffrey doesn’t quite see her point. They all head back to the palace, the royal procession surrounded by commoners. A lot of commoners. Tyrion, uneasy, tells the guards behind him to get Prince Tommen to safety. A few citizens are hailing their king, but it’s sarcastic-sounding praise indeed. Then one calls Joffrey a bastard, and another with fantastic aim nails the young ruler in the head with some cow feces. Completely incapable of realizing a powder keg even when he’s waist-deep in one, Joffrey flies into a rage and demands the perpetrator brought to him immediately. So he can be fined, perhaps? 

The already tumultuous crowd breaks into a full on riot. Joffrey shouts for everyone to be slaughtered, but clearly he’s gifted with neither mathematical nor tactical prowess, for the surrounding crowd clearly has the advantage. At the very least they’re angry enough to literally tear a man to pieces like a pack of the raving undead. 

All the Lannisters make it out okay (barely) while several men pursue Sansa. Tyrion explodes at Joffrey in the most satisfying verbal beat down the sadistic ruler has received so far, basically telling him the people are right to want to rip him limb from limb. Joffrey’s only counterargument is that he’s a king, and Tyrion can’t address him so harshly. Tyrion strikes the idiot, shooting back “and now I’ve slapped a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?!” Glorious. 

By now the men have cornered Sansa, intent on raping her. In the nick of time, the Hound arrives and butchers them all, saving Sansa’s life. He didn’t do it for Tyrion, says Sandor Clegane. Clearly he has some affection for the “little bird,” as he calls her.

Across the Narrow Sea, Dany and Xharo Xhoan Daxos meet with the spice king to convince him his ships to her cause. Not a good business move, is the delightfully smarmy merchant’s answer, for she has no army and no allies, and can’t truly promise to repay her debt.

Back in Harrenhal, Arya is clearly growing on Tywin. He’s impressed that she can read, and relates how Jaime is dyslexic (not that that’s what it’s called in Westeros), but as Tywin’s son he learned his letters regardless, with a lot of effort on both of their parts. Arya asks Tywin what his own father was like. A weak man, he says, who almost ruined their family before Tywin stepped in. 

Despite their nice chat, Arya grabs a message from the table in the hopes of helping Robb’s war effort. Before she can get anywhere with it, though, Ser Armory Lorch catches her in the act and goes to tell Tywin what’s happened. Arya runs to find Jaqen H’ghar and tells him he has to kill Lorch immediately. He tries to act all mysterious, but Arya makes it clear the situation is very dire. Jaqen sighs, hilariously. Tywin answers a knock at his door to see Lorch…who falls to the floor, dead, a poison dart in his neck. Two down, one to go. Although now everyone in Harrenhal will know there’s some kind of assassin on the loose.

Robb walks through his camp, and finds the nurse he became so quickly enamored with when she cut off that soldier’s leg and told him his war was unjust. They flirt, and Robb tells her that he can tell she’s of noble birth. Before he can find out more though, Catelyn arrives, and gives the both of them very knowing looks. Sadly, she reminds her son, he’s still betrothed to a Frey. Following his heart isn’t really on the table. Just then Lord Roose Bolton arrives with some dire news.

It’s bedtime beyond the Wall, and Jon ties Ygritte up so she doesn’t make a run for it or try to murder him while she sleeps. The wildling suggests they cuddle for warmth, and grinds against the crow when he obliges. Not subtle, some would say, but then again it would appear she’s still not being quite obvious enough for the good Lord Snow to take the hint.

After that amusing interlude, we get back to the less cheerful side of things as Robb learns of Theon’s betrayal and Ser Rodrick’s execution. He wants to head back to Winterfell at once, but that’s not exactly a practical move considering there’s a war going on. Roose Bolton has it covered, though; his bastard son is holding down the (Dread)fort in the North, and should have no trouble retaking Winterfell. 

Speaking of which, Osha wants out of the Star homestead, and offers to sleep with Theon in exchange for her freedom. He takes her up on the offer, but she overreaches a bit and sneaks out of Theon’s bed, kills one of his men, and escapes Winterfell with Bran, Rickon, Hodor, and the direwolves accompanying her.

Back in Qarth, Dany is frustrated with her options. Xharo points out that to make his fortune, he had to do some very bad things indeed. Gaining power from nothing necessitates compromise. They arrive back at Dany’s place to discover a massacre. Qartheen and her own servants lie dead, Irri included. And sure enough, her dragons are gone, stolen by Qarth’s warlocks and currently en route to the House of the Undying.

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