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Now that is shocking.

Let Tuesday night’s “Dancing With The Stars” elimination be a lesson to all those primetime network dramas striving for the most stunning, over-the-top, chatter-inducing season finales… you don’t need pregnancies, explosions, or assassinations to wow viewers, all you need is to kick off Maria Menounos.

While I know this isn’t the most applicable piece of advice (how many shows can she be on? Current count: 2, with at least 3 guest appearances and 1 movie in the past year), the fact rings true. Absolutely no one saw Maria’s elimination coming, especially not after topping the scoreboard Monday night just 1 point away from a perfect 60. So what was it that did the entertainment guru in? Your guess is as good as mine. Judging by the past three weeks, Maria had made the most progression, and was one of the best dancers. Who could forget that flawless vampire paso doble? Who would want to? It was the standout routine of the season.

Now that I am done showering the recently eliminated contestant with some little-bit-too-late compliments, let’s really get down to it. Donald has the manly-man-who-watches-“DWTS”-only-because-his-wife/girlfriend-has-it-on-but-secretly-votes-online-later vote hands down. William has more than sufficiently covered the Justin Bieber vote – AKA: The delusional thought process of: if I applaud/scream/vote for you it will make you love me. Katherine is harder to pin down, appealing to Delta Nu sister girly girls/ guys that think she’s hot/ people who appreciate her flawless dance technique. I would say opera fans, but really there are so few of those that their numbers couldn’t really influence anything. So after all that, who was really left to back Maria? She took it like a champ though, smiling and thanking everyone repeatedly. It must break America’s heart just a little to see the end of the Derek/Maria romantic saga, but let’s face it, they’ll probably be on every tabloid cover in just a matter of months. Like Gladys, Maria was lucky enough to end on a high note. I’d say we’ll miss her, but she’ll be back for the finale next week, so really it’s like she never left at all…right?

Katherine, the lowest score/ injured party of Monday night was – shockingly – the first star guaranteed a place in the final. William quickly followed in her path, leaving Donald in jeopardy with Maria. Cohost Brooke Burke-Charvet was Stephanie Tanner wuuuuuude enough to tell this to Donald twice. I think he got the point! Needless to say, coming back from the brink of elimination will guarantee that Donald brings his absolute best game for next week’s finale. He’s got the enthusiasm down. When asked if he wanted to make it to the finale Donald yelled (jokingly) at the camera “Do I want to make it to the finals? HELL YEAH I want to make it to the finals! What kind of question is that?!!?”

Who needs a Mirrorball Trophy when you have shoes like Carrie's? (Image courtesy of ABC)

Tuesday night was chock full of entertaining performances, starting with Ryan Reynold’s most successful ex (sorry ScarJo, I know you’re an Avenger and all, but no dice) and 7 time Grammy winner Alanis Morissette. She crooned her new single “Guardian” while two obscenely flexible dancers stretched and contorted all across the dance floor. Carrie Underwood took the stage later to perform her new hit “Good Girl.” While her singing was beyond impressive, and the 4-person dance going on below was flashy and fun, all I could pay attention to was Carrie’s shoes. Maybe the fact that the she’s singing about getting on some “goodbye shoes,” makes stunning footwear a must (just take a look at the music video for more evidence) but damn. Those shoes were hot. 

Speaking of hot, let me just take a moment to give the at-home audiences of “DWTS” some major props for putting together the best possible Macy’s Stars of Dance “Design a Dance” humanly possible. We got back two missing favorites, Tristan and Chelsie, we got Beyoncé’s “End of Time”, we got one fiery samba. All I could think during this routine was: This is why they are professionals. The sssamba was ssssizzling. Even Tristan was licking his lips at the end of that. I’m just glad we were spared having to hear any creepy perverted comment from Bruno, because their samba would have given him a whole lot of source material.

Lastly, little sis Julianne Hough was back in the ballroom to promote her new movie “Rock of Ages”, also to torment the remaining dancers with all the outstanding success she has had since departing the show. The musical performance, also featuring her co-stars Diego Boneta and Mary J Blige (where’s Tom Cruise??) was like rock week reincarnated. It featured “Juke Box Hero”, “I Love Rock and Roll” and “Anyway You Want It” and a whole lot of grinding, thrusting, and flying money. I almost wanted to cover Len’s eyes for him. Carrie Ann, however responded by hailing the ballroom with a rock sign. Ha. Watch the whole spectacle below.

It’s crunch time now so Donald, William, and Katherine better bring their all for next week’s finale. With Katherine’s back… back in fighting shape, and William and Donald bringing more manly manliness than the “Two and a Half Men” theme song, it is sure to be a close one. Maria’s would-have-been theatrics will be missed in the final, but who knows, after the way Derek “love love love[s]” dancing with her (3 loves? That’s soul mate speak) and says she has “reinvigorated” him, we may see her back next all-star season for round two.

Reach reporter Kelly here.