"New Girl" airs Tuesdays on FOX (FOX)

Schmidt, our favorite resident Jewish douchelord, and Cece, our favorite sassy Indian supermodel, have been keeping their pseudo friends-with-benefits relationship a secret for weeks now. However, it proves to be harder and harder to hide from best friend and roommate Jess. When Jess appears unannounced at Cece’s apartment to go train for an upcoming charity marathon (Jess was super pumped to listen to Diane Keaton’s biography while burning some cals, and I mean, who can blame her), Schmidt is forced to hide under some couch cushions until Cece is able to force Jess out of the apartment. Upon Jess’s exit, Cece’s Russian model roommate starts screaming “Jew in the sofa! Jew in the sofa!” How charming! Or, as Schmidt puts it, “Well, she’s not wrong.”

Back at the loft, Winston, burdened down by the weight of being the only one who knows about the Schmece relationship, finally cracks (Say crack again. Crack! Had to put a “Mean Girls” reference in there somewhere) and makes the mistake of telling Nick, who is notoriously bad at keeping secrets. As soon as Jess arrives home, she can see that Nick is keeping something from her, and he caves, telling Jess everything. Jess is immediately furious and goes all “Flavor of Love”/“Bad Girls Club” crazy on Schmidt and Cece, speaking in Native American and throwing things and vowing to never to speak to Cece again.

Meanwhile, Nick is having a hard time juggling all the young, crazy, 20-somethings he has been having adult sleepovers with. He can’t seem to buck up and get the balls to kick these Stage 5 clingers out of his apartment, which leads to some awkward situations, like one girl demanding to search through his phone to make sure no other girls are texting him or another raiding his apartment after a one-night-stand for her “fave circle scarf”. As a young, female, 20-something, I found it rather offensive that we were portrayed as some heightened version of a character from “The Hills”, but hey, I guess I can see where the writers are coming from, I mean, if I had left my fave circle scarf at some guy’s place after a one-night-stand, I’d totes come barging into his apartment at 7 a.m. the next day screaming and stomping around like a stampeding rhinoceros demanding to get it back.

This leads Nick to begrudgingly turn to Schmidt for “douchebag lessons” on how to deal with crazypants women like the Gamma Pi Mu, crazy circle scarf sorostitute he just had over. Schmidt is happy to oblige, and, surprisingly, it kind of works. Who knew young, female, 20-somethings responded so well to pretentious douchebags? Oh wait…

The episode culminates with Jess and Cece finishing their charity marathon together, upon which, Jess has an epiphany and realizes the Cece *gasp* actually LIKES Schmidt! As in, likes him, likes him, middle school style. Cece at first is terrified to admit it, but slowly realizes that Jess is right, and they make up upon the condition that Jess can tell no one about Cece’s secret feelings for the douchelord. Hey, Cece, if you’re not that into him, I know at least one girl who would gladly trade places with you. Just sayin.

“New Girl” airs every Tuesday at 9/8 central on Fox. 

You can reach reporter Hayley Formolo here. You can follow reporter Hayley Formolo on Twitter here.