Reporter's Notebook - January 19, 2012

Neeta Patel grew up in what she characterizes as a “hybrid culture.” She’s a first generation Indian American whose parents emigrated from Indian in the 70s and settled near other Indian immigrants in Anaheim, California.

Growing up, Patel heard messages about dating and sex at school, only to be told at home that she would not be going out or socializing with boys. Patel built a support network of friends and cousins who were encountering the same disconnect between home life and Western culture. With time, Patel said, she could feel her parents’ distrust of the younger generation lessening.

But one topic that never came up in her household or even among her friends was the possibility that one of them could be gay. Patel’s family is Hindu. In her family, conversations about faith centered on worship – going to temple and festivals, maintaining the family temple, saying morning prayers, dressing properly – and broad morals like working hard and valuing your family. They never discussed sexuality.

“I think my parents are pretty accepting [of the LGBTQ community.] But I have absolutely no idea.” Even among her first generation Indian American friends, Patel never talks about sexuality. “It is still taboo,” she said, to talk about following a different path than marrying a man and starting a family. She added: “It hasn’t come up in a negative sense either. No one said ‘it’s wrong’.”

Her parents talk about marriage a lot though. Patel is almost thirty and she said they’re getting antsy. They regularly try to introduce her to men. But they don’t expect her to have an arranged marriage like them. They knew each other for a week before their wedding. Through living in the U.S., Patel said, “they’re being forced to accept that marriage isn’t just about stability and kids. The things we look for in a marriage are different.” Patel’s parents accept that she will marry for love. Although their version of marriage has shifted, it hasn’t yet shifted to include same-sex marriage.

Reach Emily Frost here.