Dean Who? Colette and her charming Charlie out to an early Valentine's Day dinner in Rome. "Pan Am" ABC Sundays at 10. (Image courtesy of ABC)

Well, that was interesting confusing. If anyone else is wondering what on earth ABC just aired Sunday night, I am proud to say I have deduced an equation, and it is as follows: With just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right, put their hands on their hips and pull their knees in tight, and with a pelvic thrust that really drives you insane – "Pan Am" did the Time Warp again.

Blame it on unlucky 13. No one really knew what they were getting into this week, and I suspect that many, myself included, expected a new episode, some kind of follow up on that killer (no pun intended) cliffhanger from a couple weeks ago. No dice.

What we got instead was a well put together episode – “Romance Languages” that was originally meant to be aired in November, but fell into the abyss until Sunday night. Perhaps it was meant to be pertinent to the upcoming lovey, dovey day of singledom doom everywhere, Valentine’s Day. If this was the case, then might I just say – I don’t get it. If these mini sagas were the best ABC could pull for the most romantic day of the year then I suggest that they realize the presence of the word Valentine does not make “My Bloody Valentine” an appropriate guidebook for this sort of occasion.

Love was massacred everywhere. It wasn’t pretty. But what can be said about this episode is that it was a veritable chocolate box full of unanswered questions. It gave us closure we never knew we needed, 20/20 romance hindsight, and some much appreciated character development – albeit a little late in the game.

So, maybe you are wondering…

Whatever happened to Ginny? Ha. Just kidding. I know you were never wondering that. Buuuut, just in case you were the answer is insanely simple – she went crazy. This Girl Interrupted decided the appropriate way to get Dean not to break up with her was to throw something at his head. Not saying he didn’t deserve it – women over history have typically not taken well to the notion that the man they just professed their love for was just using them for a good time. However, if Ginny was so inclined to change his mind, going all Naomi Campbell on him was probably not the best strategy. Nor was following him to Rome and waiting in his hotel lobby with just the perfect punch line to creep out him and Colette. Seriously? I mean, seriously? Since when was acting like a 1960s Batman bad guy attractive? Since never. Also not attractive? Head-butting a window when your man doesn’t appreciate your romantic gesture (STALKING) and still wants to break up with you. Ginny’s reasoning is that she just doesn’t know how to be alone – my solution? Send her to an institution where she can become BFFs with a pouty-mouthed sociopath named Lisa.

Or, maybe you were wondering…

Where, oh where is Colette’s perfect man? Answer: right in front of her… just ten years too soon. Charlie, or as she purrs in her French accent “Sharley” is such a renaissance man. If it weren’t so hugely illegal, it would be adorable. This feisty twelve year old had all the moves, speaking French, charm, confidence, and the ultimate Barney Stinson approved lady snagging move – magic tricks. He took her out to dinner, third-wheel Dean a little preoccupied with one Ginny-gone-wild, and tried a little too hard, getting rebuffed when his magic trick ended up to be an unexpected kiss. Public humiliation was not enough to keep Houdini Jr. from his lady, and honestly his persistence in the pursuit of Colette just makes Dean look pathetic by comparison. However, “Sharley” took it a little too far showing up in Colette’s hotel room in the middle of the night. But she took it all in stride and had a heart to heart with the mini monsieur, telling him that growing up isn’t really all it is cracked up to be. She showed him the rose he gave her earlier, how she had kept it just like she would keep the memory of him. Too bad it didn’t work out. Maybe in ten years.

Or, possibly you have been wondering…

When did Laura go from Strawberry Shortcake to Strawberry Fields (as in Bond girl Strawberry Fields)? Well, right about when the photographer she was about to lose the big V to apologized for not being considerate of how “young” she was. Ouch. Laura became immediately insecure of her innocence and set out to make her own decisions and become her own woman. Her chastity was to remain intact for another couple months, randomly lost somewhere between her indignant demand for espresso and her confession to Ted that while some chose to wait for marriage, she didn’t. However, more importantly, her attitude changed instantly. She eschewed Hot Chocolate in favor of coffee, and decided the best way to take her life into her own hands was to take nude photos. With those risqué images being a major plot point of the most recent (continuous) episode, it was interesting to see how large of a role they played in Laura’s liberation.

Maybe you weren’t wondering any of these things, maybe you were wondering all of them, but what is important now is the season finale is airing next week! From the looks of the promo, it is going to be good. Highlights are as follows:
•    Maggie rolling in a bed full of cash (is she a rap star now??)
•    Kate’s CIA contact Richard showing up at her door with a gaping gun wound in his side
•    Ted professing his love for Laura (kisses to follow)
•    Amanda professing her pregnancy to Ted… ??!!!??!?
•    Dean and Colette in what looks like a reconciliation
•    A New Years countdown to 1964
Now that I have basically spoiled the whole thing, the link is below if you still want to watch it. You should! It’s good. Watch it!!

Reach Kelly Hanelt here

Check back every week for Kelly's reviews of "Pan Am" episodes.