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Slapstick Sports: Shaq is Back…On T.V. Edition

Sara Ramsey |
July 15, 2011 | 1:02 p.m. PDT

Associate Sports Editor

Shaq played in the NBA for 19 years. Photo courtesy of Keith Allison/Flikr
Shaq played in the NBA for 19 years. Photo courtesy of Keith Allison/Flikr
Slapstick is a weekly article on Neon Tommy poking fun at the hottest topics and figures in sports.

Shaquille O’Neal has signed on with TNT’s Inside the NBA. The longtime Laker turned Heat turned Sun turned Cav turned Celtic will join Charles Barkley, Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith as an analyst. The already successful show is looking forward to the addition of Shaq’s engaging personality, eloquence and lucid delivery style. “Print media is gonna hype it up, NBC is gonna hype it up, ESPN is gonna hype it up, China Stations is gonna hype it up, Yugoslavia stations is gonna hype it up, everybody is gonna hype it up. Can you dig it? Period. P-E-R-E-U-D. Period,” Shaq said.

Cardinals’ manager, Tony La Russa turned in the wrong lineup card for last weekend’s game against the Diamondbacks. A Cardinals intern said he saw La Russa passed out on a running lawn mower hours before the game.

Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Hard was arrested on DUI charges outside of Atlanta. Ward was released on $1,300 bond. Roger Goodell has decided to suspend Ward for the upcoming, much-anticipated NFL season and has also stripped him of his 2011 “Dancing With the Stars” Mirrorball Trophy.

Cincinnati Bengals cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones was arrested on disorderly conduct charges. Fans are disappointed in Jones’ action, which they say are completely out of the ordinary and out of character.

Joe Flacco, Raven’s QB, recently married his high school sweetheart. The blogosphere is abuzz about his wedding photos, one especially where his groom’s men are lined up as backs, his bride at center and Flacco at the helm. Wedding guests have revealed that they were shocked to find Mrs. Flacco was registered for a set of shoulder pads, a helmet and thigh-high stockings. Happy Honeymoon! Check out the photo’s here.

The most unpretentious, generous (and possibly idiotic) Yankees fan ever, also known as Christian Lopez, was recently faced with possibility of having to pay upwards of $14,000 in taxes to the IRS for the tickets and memorabilia he received from the baseball club after returning Derek Jeter’s 3,000 hit ball.  Amongst the many companies coming to Lopez’s aid, Topps, the trading card manufacturer, has reached out to the cellphone salesman about creating a Christian Lopez baseball card to be included in sets. [This is not a joke. i wish it was. it is actually happening!]

Video of the week:

In the 9th stage of the Tour de France, a television car hit riders Juan-Antonia Flecha and Johnny Hoogerland as they led the peloton. Both riders were able to get back on their bikes and finish the stage, despite their injuries. 


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