Slapstick Sports: The Dodgers Are Bankrupt Edition
Slapstick is a weekly article on Neon Tommy poking fun at some of the hottest topics and figures in sports.
• The Los Angeles Dodgers filed for bankruptcy protection Monday. The judge approved a $60 million loan to cover payroll but denied Frank McCourt’s request to borrow the car on Saturday night.
• Charlie Sheen told Sports Illustrated in its most recent issue that he took steroids for “six to eight weeks” while filming his 1989 baseball classic “Major League.” He said the performance enhancing drugs helped his fastball increase from 79 mph to 85 mph--no word yet if the drugs affected his speedball.
• Tiger Woods signed on for a 3-year deal with a Japanese company to promote their muscle pain relieving heat rub. Since he is taking a break from golf to fully heal from injuries, Tiger now has ample time to fully devote himself to the rub and do a hands (on) job.
• Roger Federer took a disappointing defeat to France’s Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in the quarterfinals of Wimbledon. Rafael Nadal, on the other hand, handily beat some Fish guy. Spectators spotted Federer having lunch with Tonya Harding and a large, scary looking man before Nadal's semifinals match.
• The NFL Lockout is at day 106. Team owners are claiming they’re going to hold a “hard line,” so players are starting to look at other options. Peyton Manning lost his DirecTV endorsement but was offered a position in the field. He even gets his very own blue truck.
• The South Carolina University Gamecocks won their second straight College World Series. [Insert Gamecock joke here]
• Ron Artest filed a petition with the L.A. County Superior Court to legally change his name to Metta World Peace. In other news, Chad Ochocinco has filed petition to legally change his name to Ron Artest.