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Weekly Wonderings - What's Up With Barry Bonds' Big Old Head?

Michael Green |
March 26, 2011 | 1:03 p.m. PDT

Staff Writer

Barry Bonds has a big old head. (Creative Commons)
Barry Bonds has a big old head. (Creative Commons)
1. Prosecutors allege that Barry Bonds’ head, feet and hands grew over the course of his career due to HGH use. The defense countered that such growth was necessary in order to create space for Bonds’ ego.

2. Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe recently diagrammed his interpretation of the NFL lockout. The illustration depicts an NFL owner holding a bag of money, wearing a cowboy hat, standing next to a pile of gold. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones called the drawing grossly inaccurate, citing a lack of coked-out hookers lying next to the pile of gold.

3. The New York Mets have released starting pitcher Oliver Perez and second baseman Luis Castillo as part of a continued effort to follow the Charlie Sheen guidebook to winning this season.

4. The University of Tennessee fired coach Bruce Pearl after the team was knocked out of the NCAA tournament by Michigan. Pearl looks forward to using his new freedom to pursue his passion: hosting cookouts for high school basketball players.

5. A critical Buck Showalter said he would like to see what GM Theo Epstein could do with the Tampa Bay Rays’ payroll. The Baltimore manager added that he would seriously like to see what Epstein could do with a payroll similar to Tampa Bay because the Orioles’ front office hasn’t done anything with it.

6. Chad Ochocinco has begun a four-day MLS tryout with Sporting Kansas City. The outspoken Bengals receiver chose to pursue soccer after losing his day job as a clown in shoulder pads.

7. A Cleveland Browns fan has sued the team over the recent NFL lockout. Legal experts say the man will have trouble building a case as Browns’ tickets have actually been appraised as having negative value in recent seasons.

8. The Carolina Panthers have been awarded three compensatory draft picks for the loss of Julius Peppers. The team also received a compensatory GM in exchange for drafting Jimmy Clausen.

9. BYU star Jimmer Fredette was understandably upset after getting eliminated from the NCAA tournament by University of Florida...mostly because he was made aware that a jubilant Gators squad would be allowed to engage in pre-marital sex after the game without getting suspended.

10. Packers’ defensive end Johnny Jolly has been arrested again on drug charges in what can only be described as a gross contradiction of one’s surname.

11. A portrait of pitcher Pedro Martinez was unveiled at the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery to much fanfare Friday. Unfortunately, a joyous occasion turned ugly when the portrait viciously attacked a sculpture of Don Zimmer.

12. Shout out to the St. Joseph Notre Dame men’s basketball team for winning the California Interscholastic Federation Northern California championship plaque! Way to rep the often unheralded Division V!

More next week...


Weekly Wonderings is Michael Green's tongue-in-cheek take on the week in sports. Check back next Saturday to read more wonderings or click here to reach him by email.



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