Asian ceramic makers are said to make hundreds, if not thousands, of pottery to create the one perfect piece. After going through a painful process of shaping, glazing, decorating and firing ceramics, they usually end up with a large quantity of imperfect ones. These ceramics with flaws are usually thrown away or broken into pieces.

Dating is often like making ceramics.  We go through tens of men or women to find the perfect one for ourselves.

To find the perfect one, it's also important to toss out the flawed ones.  So when do we throw away the ones that do not suit us?

(*Disclaimer: The names of the characters in this column may or may not have been altered for privacy and other reasons.)

1. That is one shady boy!

Women often trust their intuition or gut feeling to make decisions.  I also find myself relying on my gut feeling to weed out the bad ones.  

Dale is a 32-year-old male from Brentwood.   He is a good looking guy with his own successful hedge fund business.  He is smart and funny, and has a great, full set of hair.  
 
During the first few dates, I tried to figure out what the heck was wrong with the guy and wondered why this seemingly great guy was still single.

Then it hit me that he reminded me of a notorious movie figure, Patrick Bateman from the American Psycho.

Luckily he didn't bring his chainsaw to our date, but he did have something that is scarier than mass killing equipment: his inability to "open up."  

I had a hard time getting straight answers from him.  Men who are reading this may roll their eyes and say that is typical of men.   But whenever I ask him personal questions like his family, he was not very clear.  After the 10th date or so, he finally talked about his personal life.  I also learned that he ended his previous relationship because his ex-girlfriend was older and wanted something more, as in marriage.

Okay, I may not be picking our china patterns and flipping a minivan catalogue for my imaginary family.  But as a girl who is not getting any younger, his fear of commitment was a deal breaker.   

I have to admit his cuteness blind-sighted me for a couple of weeks, but I eventually had to make the decision to end it.

2. Cheaters!

When I was in college, I dated this gentleman his mid-20s for a few months.  Let's call him Barry. He was successful and confident --- two characteristics I didn't see a lot in my fellow classmates.  He treated me like a princess.  Dinner at four-star restaurants that I hadn't heard of.  Weekend getaways to fancy hotels I had only seen on TV shows.  

Things were going great.  Then one day I received a call from a woman while Barry was hanging out at my apartment.  

At first, she claimed she was Barry's cousin and asked me whether she could speak to him.  Barry took the phone as I told him, "It's for you."  Without even answering the phone, he turned off the phone.  

As soon as he turned off the phone, the crazy woman called me on my cell phone.  (How did she get my home and cell phone numbers?  I will never know.)

When I answered the cell, it was the woman again.  Barry took the phone out of my hand and stepped out.

I don't know what was discussed between Barry and the "cousin" while he was outside.   But soon after, the woman called AGAIN.

Then She claimed that she was married to Barry.  As she was going on and on about how she and Barry had been married for two years, I could hear a baby crying.  

In the end, Barry begged me to believe him that he was not married and did not have a child.   I knew that he was telling the truth as I confirmed with his sister who set us up.  

Regardless, if one attracts psychos like that woman with superpower to track down my phone numbers, she or he may not be suitable as a good boyfriend or girlfriend.

Despite dozens of flowers and hundreds of "I'm sorry" calls, I never spoke to him again.  

3.  Shortcomings.

People are attracted to different things.  Some women like hairy men.  Some men like super skinny, stick figures.  I like 'em tall.

My attraction to tall gentlemen has often prevented me from having a relationship with shorter guys.

James is a successful 30-something man who works in the entertainment industry.  Smart, cute, kind, considerate --- any gal would be lucky to have him.

But when I wear heels, which is all the time, i'm taller than him.  

I have been called crazy for discriminating against short men.  But the girl likes what she likes.  

Appearance may be an extremely shallow reason to break up with someone.  Women criticize men for breaking up with their girlfriends after they put on some weight.  

Not that I'm condoning the shallow dating attitude, I believe two people need to be physically attracted to maintain a good relationship.  After all, we are in Los Angeles.

"Is s/he out there for me?"

Yes, dating is hard.  And many singletons are so sick and tired of hearing, "There's someone special out there for you."  

Even so, we shouldn't settle.   Instead of dragging on a relationship that has no future, stop wasting time and move on with your life in search of your better half.

Reach Helen here.