In the midst of “midterm madness” an important entertainment story may have been mistakenly overlooked by many.  It was reported Monday that Disney star Demi Lovato unexpectedly dropped out of her international tour with the Jonas Brothers to seek treatment for “physical and emotional issues.” These issues were further revealed by sources to be an eating disorder and cutting behavior.  

I’d like to commend the 18 year-old Lovato for making the extremely adult decision to enter treatment for an illness that can be fatal.  My heart breaks for Lovato because I have been where she is today.  I battled an eating disorder for six years and during part of that time I was also a cutter.  Most people in my life know about my fight to overcome my eating disorder, but only a select few know about my cutting behavior.

According to National Eating Disorders Association statistics 10 million people suffer from an eating disorder and 80 percent of them do not seek treatment.  Those who have battled anorexia or bulimia know that these diseases are not about being skinny.

So how does someone like Lovato, a young woman with a successful acting and music career, develop such a devastating illness?  She has spoken out in the past about being bullied and the effect it had on her self-esteem.

My Story

I developed my eating disorder as a freshman in college and it was the most severe when I was 24-25 years old.  My physical health deteriorated severely, causing me to seek medical attention and at one point my doctor and therapist grew so worried about my health they staged an intervention and urged me to enter a treatment center.

I am from a middle-class family, growing up in Western Massachusetts, and my parents were happily married up until my father’s death, which occurred when I was 26.  I had a great childhood, I danced and played sports and I was a good student.  There were no traumatic events in my past.

At first I thought my behavior was about losing weight, but now I know now it was less about my weight and more about wanting to be in control.  I wanted to be perfect, to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend, student, etc.  The horrible irony about an eating disorder is that the more you feel you’re in control--i.e. by restricting food intake or exercising excessively--the less you actually are.  

I hated myself so much and carried so much pain inside because I wasn't perfect.  No one knew this because I always had a smile on my face and I didn’t tell anyone.  In my mind I was a failure, and that’s when I began to cut myself.  Cutting is not a suicide attempt; in fact, I took great care not to cut any areas on my body that were near major blood vessels such as my wrists.   For me, cutting was a way to feel something.  I didn’t know how to express emotional pain so I transformed it into physical pain.

The physical scars have completely healed, as have about 90 percent of the emotional scars.  I have accomplished some amazing things since I got healthy.  I’ve been a contestant on Jeopardy (came in third if you’re wondering), traveled to some amazing places, interned at CNN, graduated from college, earned a Masters from Georgetown University and now I’m studying at the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism.  Most importantly, I have built loving relationships with many people in my life.  For years I have said that I wouldn’t wish what I went through on my worst enemy but I also wouldn’t change a thing; my experience has made me the woman I am today and you know what, I love her.

This was an extremely difficult column to write; it brought up things that I haven’t thought about in a long time, but sharing my experience felt like the right thing to do.  If the reports about Demi Lovato are true, she has a long, hard road ahead, but she can persevere if she is willing to do the work.  I, for one, am pulling for her.