Tea Party Rally (Creative Commons)

It’s not that I’m afraid of commitment—in fact, I felt left out when all my friends were falling head over heels for President Obama two years ago. And I can’t say I wasn’t just a little turned on by the sight of Gadsden Flags covering the Capitol Mall—coalescing masses of political neophytes on a message of lower taxes, smaller government and constitutionally enumerated powers. Yet, despite the fact that we seem like a match made in heaven, I still can’t take the plunge.

If the Tea Party were a woman, she’d be an ex-girlfriend of mine—a gorgeous brunette who would charm the pants off you one minute and then fly into an alcoholic rage the next (a massive dent in the passenger side of my car is about the only memento I kept from our relationship). On the one hand, Tea Party rallies seem blessedly free of the boorish homophobia and religious bigotry that have festered within the American right for several decades. The rallying cry of America’s Tea Parties seems to center around a classical, liberal tradition that has unfortunately disappeared from political discourse in this country. On the other hand, the Tea Parties of various states have boosted the careers of several troglodytes that make even Sarah Palin seem intellectual.  

Christine O’Donnell is a prime example. Her primary victory in Delaware a few weeks ago may mark the unfortunate decline of a promising movement into predictable social-conservative demagoguery. O’Donnell’s political career started with a stint as an anti-pornography crusader and transformed into the president of a lobbying group for so-called Christian values .O’Donnell’s victory follows the defeat of Lisa Murkowski in Alaska by Tea Party Express-backed candidate Joe Miller, who opposes abortion even in cases of rape and incest, and takes the imbecilic view that there exists no scientific basis for global warming. 

There are many that say that these “extremist” candidates will cost the Republicans a shot at the majority in the Senate. As a conservative, I say this is a good thing. One need only look at the record of George W. Bush and the Republican majority between 2000 and 2006  to see that the reckless spending bemoaned by Tea Party activists across the country did not start with Obama.

Though the Tea Party prides itself on coming from the grass-roots level, it has grown so big since Rick Santelli’s rant on the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange that it’s time to at least narrow down some policy platforms.

Here’s a good start: Tea Parties around the country should resolve that any candidate getting their support should be able to answer the following questions. It is no longer enough just to say global warming doesn’t exist, you have to come with a plan on how to deal with a negative externality without creating another massive bureaucracy (hint: try a carbon tax). Also, you also can’t cry about the deficit and talk about lowering taxes without first identifying which programs you’re willing to cut, (another hint: if we cut our defense spending in half, we’d still spend over 300 percent more than our largest competitor).

There are many reasons to be encouraged by the emergence of the Tea Party on the national political scene. Any movement that brings people to the streets in the name of scaling back the amount of power and money that goes to Washington should be applauded. However, as the November election draws closer, those candidates finding themselves holding a Tea Party endorsement ought to offer more than platitudes about rooting out waste.

While these core values of the Tea Party Patriots are a great start, Tea Party supporters ought to demand more substantive platforms from their candidates to ensure that the new crop elected this year are different from the big-government Republicans of the last two decades. After all, it was a wiser man than me who said that a man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.

Reach Columnist Stan Oklobdzija here.

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