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It's A Deal Breaker, Ladies!

Helen Jeong |
September 21, 2010 | 3:04 p.m. PDT


Photo courtesy of Creative Commons
Photo courtesy of Creative Commons
When two people start dating, everything is peachy. One can easily spot a woman in this position: she giggles like a little girl when checking her text messages; she suffers from a constant good mood and may paint her face for menial tasks like grocery shopping.

But let me tell you right now - that peachy period does not last long.  Once reality hits, you will start noticing annoying things about the new guy. For example: he doesn't like dogs. This might make you think whether you will be able to continue dating when your dog, Skip, growls at him all the time. Or, the fact that he always, ALWAYS forgets to put down the toilet seat. And then when you pee in the dark of the night, your pretty bottom gets stuck in the toilet bowl.

These are certainly not reasons to break up with someone.  But if there are bigger, scarier red flags, maybe it's better for you to find someone better. Here are three lessons I learned from experience on when to call it quits.

1. "I love me some beer"

Hal is a 34- year-old guy.  He is normally polite, smart and quite gregarious. But when he's on a date, he freezes. Conversations do not flow as he would like them to.  

I went on a couple of dates with Hal.  At the beginning of the night, he seemed too reserved.  He almost came off as dull and boring.  

Then he started drinking cocktails and began to talk out of his ass.  He told me my hairstyle seemed "old-fashioned," and I should grow out my nails.

First of all, I love my hair.  I spend $300 every six months to get the natural, wavy look. (No Asian girl has naturally curly hair.) For him to criticize my hair - when he does not have the best hairstyle himself - was offensive.  Any guy who knows women well wouldn't dare to say anything about their hair.

Second, within an hour, Hal went from being a quiet, shy guy to monstrously obnoxious.  I couldn't figure out which one was the real him. 

The lesson: If a guy needs a glass of ego-booster to make the date interesting or make the conversation flow better, it's got to be a deal breaker. After all, no girl wants to be known as the one who dates guys with drinking problems. 

2. No scrubs

Some girls expect guys to pay for everything. Whether it's dinner or a movie, these girls do not believe in paying for any of it while on a date. Most of them say they refuse to pay on dates because it costs a lot to look pretty when going out. (Yes, the new blush from Nars and the new dress from DVF do add up.)

I consider myself a modern woman.  I pay on dates.  If the guy I'm on a date with pays for dinner, I usually get coffee or drinks. 

But this guy I dated a while ago, Bob, took my generosity for granted.  He gradually became more resistant to paying when going out.  

Don't get me wrong: if the guy I'm dating is going through financial troubles or is in between jobs, I'd love to take care of him. But Bob works for a hedge fund firm. He has a beautiful apartment near downtown Culver City and drives to his fancy office in a fancy car.

Our dating situation deteriorated to a point where he didn't even want to pay for our dinner at Chipotle.  

The lesson: If your man does not want to dish out $6.69 for a cheap dinner, he doesn't deserve you. (You're worth more than $6.69!)

3. Social butterfly

We like cool guys. A cool guy is the one who can have a conversation with anyone and be himself under any circumstances.  But it's never cool to pretend you're like a cool guy.

Not too long ago, I met someone at a party; I'm going to call him Tim. Now Tim is not ugly, but he certainly is not going to model next to Cristiano Ronaldo in the new Armani Exchange ad.

However, he walked around as if he could get any girl in the party, then flirted with a number of girls there and even allegedly dry-humped one.  

His demeanor reminded me of Paris Hilton, who pretends to be cool but is nothing more than a reality star who launched her career in a homemade porn video. I almost wanted to go up to him say, "Dude, drop the act.  You're not as cute or cool as you think you are!"

Although I think harmless flirtation is acceptable, it is quite disgusting and egotistical for guys like Tim to act as if all the girls in the universe would fall for him.

Bottom line: Unless they are on the same level as hot footballers like Cristiano or Angelina Jolie, wannabe-players should get no love. (Here's a list of celebrity wannabe-players, for your reference.)

Of course, there are truly great men out there.  And these great men may have small flaws as we girls do too. We love them just the way they are.  

But if you are a girl who values herself, you should be able to say, "That's it. It's a deal breaker. Shut it down!" to douche bags like those described above.

I've dated these douche bags.  Once you encounter these losers, getting your butt stuck in the toilet bowl once in a while doesn't sound too bad. 

To reach Helen, click here.



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