Why are old people so funny when they watch "Jersey Shore?"  Just try turning it on while your parents are in the room, and they'll be like, "What is this garbage? Is that young lady feeling okay?" 

Alessandra Stanley first tries to comfort her old, "Jersey Shore"-watching peers.  "There is no need to panic," Stanley writes.  

Other points she makes:

* "Reality shows that exalt indolent, loud-mouthed exhibitionists may seem like almost biblical retribution for our materialistic, celebrity-obsessed age."  Sure they do, Alessandra, sure they do.   

* "But actually, these kinds of series are an extension of a time-honored form of entertainment, one that reaches back to the era of landed gentry, debutantes and social seasons in places like Newport, R.I., or the French Riviera." Booooring. 

* "It’s important to remember that 'Jersey Shore' is on MTV, a youth-oriented cable channel that has a hortative streak: series like 'Teen Mom' and 'If You Really Knew Me' carry a strong 'don’t try this at home' message."

Stanley then finds a poem from 1900 and somehow relates it to "Jersey Shore;"

"The Goops they lick their fingers

and the Goops they lick their knives

They spill their broth on the tablecloth

Oh, they lead disgusting lives!"

Dear old people, you are totally overanalyzing this show.  

It does not carry a strong, "don't try this at home" message. "Jersey Shore" carries a nostalgic, "that totally used to be me" message.

You know those smart kids of yours that go to (somewhat) prestigious, four-year universities? They literally all act exactly like the cast of "Jersey Shore." Sammi and Ronnie are basically every college couple.  It's all romantic until the girl tells the guy the exact opposite of what she means so that she has an excuse to scream at him later. And then he drinks 15 shots and freak dances with everyone for a very mature form of revenge.  

Your child might not be wearing sunglasses covered in diamonds like Snooki does, but that doesn't mean your child's not blowing $300 on a more normal-looking pair of shades, like Ray-Bans.  

Force The Situation to take some business classes, convince him that he's destined to become a big-time CEO instead of a professional abs-owner, and he's basically every Frat guy.

The only difference is that college kids blend in better with society because they look less trashy. They also complain about their homework sometimes, apply to law school a lot and get into drunk debates about the overpopulation crisis.

Young people love "Jersey Shore" because it reminds us all of how self-absorbed and idiotic we once were in our own, unique ways, and how much fun it was to be like that.

Photo credit: university.unions