Superman arrived shortly before noon on Tuesday, trailed by the Incredible Hulk. The reporters were already waiting for them at the steps of L.A. City Hall. NBC, ABC, CBS, the LA Times, LA Weekly. Before crossing the street, Superman stopped to have his picture taken with a couple of men in suits. He handed them a bright yellow flyer:

THE SUPERHEROES OF HOLLYWOOD HAVE BEEN KICKED OFF THE WALK OF STARS. MANY OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE BEEN ARRESTED BY THE LAPD SIMPLY FOR WEARING A COSTUME ON HOLLYWOOD BLVD. THIS IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL AND MUST STOP!

Christopher Dennis, whose dyed black hair is a perfect shade of black, true black, whose expression rarely deviates from that of extreme seriousness, whose business card reads "Professional Actor" and Christopher Reeve "Look-A-Like" (those quotes are his, mind you), and who has been playing the Man of Steel for 19 years, filled us in on the salient details.

In May, LAPD arrested Batman, Superman and a few other costumed characters along Hollywood Boulevard. Superman received a letter from Leron Gubler, president and CEO of the Hollywood chamber of commerce, informing him that the crackdown was a response to "complaints from tourists and businesses about being harassed from overly aggressive characters and CD vendors demanding money."

The characters have since filed a lawsuit against the city of Los Angeles and several LAPD officers. 

"It’s un-American," complained the Hulk, nèe Joe McQueen. "We’re a part of Hollywood Blvd. Tourists come to see us."

By now Darth Vader (aka Christopher Mitchell) had arrived, looking a bit girlish with his trim figure and velvet cape, not to mention fanny pack.

"It’s for my belongings," he explained, his voice run through some sort of audio box to make him sound like the genuine article. He also had a toy lightsaber, in blatant disregard for the flyer, which admonished those attending to leave props at home.

Incidentally, the costume character community is a tight-knit one, with comraderie but also competition and a bit of squabbling (some of which can be seen in this preview for a documentary in production, not to be confused with the already completed documentary). 

Rounding out the group of aggrieved superheroes was the White Power Ranger, played Tuesday by Rebecca Holland, by far the most articulate of the bunch.

"We’re not crackheads," she said. "We’re SAG actors. We’re being criminally profiled. It’s no different…" and here I thought she was going to go the racial profiling route, but I’d underestimated her "…it’s no different than if one of us stole a purse. Would you arrest all of us?"

Holland, who is also a horse trainer, a third-degree black belt, and a former general manager of the Spanish Kitchen on La Cienega (she told me she was these things, mind you, just as actors tell you lots of things and you just take their word for it because, well, who has time to look all those things up anyway?), arrived with a homeless man named Christian Calloway, who was holding a cardboard sign that read, “I AM HOLLYWOOD HOMELESS SUPPORTS HOLLYWOOD COSTUME CHARACTERS.” Here’s where things get weird.

Calloway turned out to be Holland’s husband and not actually homeless at all. His business card identifies him as a SAG actor specializing in cowboys, homeless people, mental patients and abusive husbands.

Hollywood homeless.

Calloway and Holland have been together for five years (he said they were married, she said they were boyfriend and girlfriend, so there’s a bit of ambiguity there, but I didn’t want to cause a fight). The two met on Craigslist. 

By now, the TV anchormen had finished interviewing the costumed characters, and they all began to do their stand-ups. 

"Costume characters say their civil rights are being violated…" said one, in that sing-song way, and then told the cameraman, "That’s a bridge."

"But when superpowers fail, that’s when the courts come in…" said another.

 

Reach reporter Hillel Aron here.