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1) Charlie Sheen is in his adorable 1987 prime.

2) Michael Douglas is as unstoppably cruel as ever. Every human must hear his character Gordon Gekko’s “Greed is good” speech at least once in their lives.

3) It manages to stay realistic and gritty while still communicating morality—Evil perishes, and Good begins to rebuild itself. 

In order for this movie to be cemented as a classic, its director, Oliver Stone, knew to send the corrupt broker, Gordon Gekko, to prison. That retribution is what makes the film so satisfying.

So, let me ask you this, Oliver Stone: Why on earth would I want to see Gordon Gekko released from prison? 

Yes, Oliver Stone has decided to direct a sequel to this classic, entitled 'Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,' co-starring Shia LaBeouf and Carey Mulligan. 

Let me explain. I don’t want to see Gordon Gekko released from prison. When Gordon Gekko was still behind bars in my sheltered movie-mode mind, I was safe. Charlie Sheen was safe. America was safe. And Gordon Gekko was suffering. Seeing the über-villain collect his impressive gold watch and gargantuan 1980s cell phone on his way out of prison does not exhilarate or entice me; if anything, it shatters what trust I put into in the original 'Wall Street,' rendering whatever redemption I felt obsolete. 

Something that could be contributing to my impatience with this idea is that it further cements the fact that Hollywood is stuck in a nostalgia rut. Let’s look at the evidence:

-‘The A-Team’

-‘Alice in Wonderland’

-‘Predators’

-‘Toy Story 3’

-‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’

-‘The Wolfman’

-‘The Karate Kid’

-‘Robin Hood’

-‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’

-‘Star Trek’

-‘Sherlock Holmes’

Sensing the pattern?  

While I completely understand that in this economy, film studios are more willing to invest millions of dollars into scripts that theoretically have a built-in following, I can’t help but view this move as a blatant crutch. 

This is especially true with ‘Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,’ from what I can tell. While the idea of Douglas reprising one of his most famous roles is interesting (his power is undeniable), he also must stay Gordon Gekko (a.k.a. morally bankrupt) in order for the original ‘Wall Street’ to maintain its integrity. And from what the trailers suggest, it seems as if some family power plays are coming into the mix. LaBeouf gets Gekko’s attention by blurting out that he’s marrying his daughter. This stops Gekko in his tracks, and he follows up by asking about his daughter.

So, now not only am I forced to witness Gordon Gekko’s release from prison, but I’m meant to tap into my original memory of him, revise it, and begin to view him as a father figure? Even if he ends up resorting back to his true, dishonest character—why put us on this confusing roller coaster?

Perhaps I’m being too rash in brushing off this sequel. Maybe this isn’t about profiting from audiences’ memories; maybe Hollywood is giving Wall Street—the actual Financial District—a chance to be revamped as a father figure for America. In other words, even though corrupt CEOs screwed over our economy, as Gordon Gekko screwed Charlie Sheen, maybe Wall Street deserves another chance, too!

Oy. 

Dear Hollywood: Please, for all of our sakes, let sleeping classics lie.