David "Big Papi" Ortiz has not been his jovial self this season.
(Creative Commons)

The 2010 baseball season kicked off last week, and what a week it was. The league started the season in grand fashion, pitting the two best teams in baseball against each other in the first official game of the year as the Yankees took on the Red Sox in Fenway. As always, the series generated a lot of excitement and controversy (see below). The Red Sox may have won on Opening Day, but it was the Yankees who took the opening series two games to one.

Let's take a look at this and other major storylines from baseball's opening week.

Big Papi, Bigger Temper
 
David Ortiz is off to a bad start for the second year in a row. The former slugger is quickly becoming less of a threat to opposing pitchers and more dangerous to inquisitive reporters. After going two games without a hit, writers started to wonder if Big Papi was done. A few reporters made the unfortunate mistake of asking Ortiz what he thought of his struggles at the plate. He responded with a profanity-laced tirade during which he accused the press of getting so worked up after only two games.  

Well, Papi, we're now seven games into the season and you still have zero homers and three hits, and are batting nearly half your weight (.136). Can we bring it up yet?

West Doesn't Know What's Best

Joe West apparently has places to go and people to see, as the umpire criticized the Yankees and Red Sox for the length of their games in the opening series -- all three games lasted longer than three hours. West called the games "pathetic and embarrassing" and "a disgrace to baseball." Perhaps West got confused and thought the reporter was asking him what he thought of his judgment behind the plate -- West makes calls so egregious his eyes must be closed.

West's comments generated a lively debate. Sure, some fans are sick of the long, drawn-out games between the two teams. But many of those fans are residents of Baltimore, Toronto and Tampa Bay who only wish their team's games were as meaningful and dramatic.

What West said was so out of line that even Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter stepped into the fold. The quiet Yankee closer spoke out first, saying "If he has places to go, let him do something else. What does he want us (the players) to do, swing at balls? We don't want to play four hour games, but that's what it takes. We respect and love the fans and do what we have to do, and that's play our game."

Jeter followed suit, asking: "At what point is it no longer pathetic and embarrassing? Who decides that?"

I could be wrong, but I think the three hour games are harder on Mo and Jeter than they are on the umpires; and you can be damn sure Rivera and Jeter have better things to do after the game. If you can get the two calmest, least controversial men on the planet to criticize you, you know you did something wrong.

No, No, NO!...You Never Say "No-No" During a Game

Yankee ace C.C. Sabathia was within four outs of pitching a no-hitter in Tampa Bay on Saturday, but the idiotic broadcasters calling the game jinxed it. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver seemed to go out of their way to break a rule as old as the game itself: you never mention a no-hitter before the game is over. Ever. The second those two mentioned it, it was all over for C.C. Sure enough, Sabathia gave up his first hit of the game to Kelly Shoppach in the eighth inning, ending the no-no.

Buck and McCarver went on at great length about how there is no such thing as a jinx if you say "no-hitter," before the final out. But guess what? They aren't the ones attempting to make history. C.C. and the players are -- and I guarantee they believe in the jinx. Baseball players are very superstitious. Wade Boggs used to eat chicken before every game. Turk Wendell refused to step on the chalk lines. And a certain Met (Moises Alou) used to piss on his hands before every game.

If this were the Harry Potter series, Buck and McCarver would be beaten with an old shoe by a crazy house elf named Dobby for mentioning "that which should not be named." But alas, this is the real world, so instead I just have to hope C.C. seeks retaliation.

Keep Your Day Job

President Barack Obama certainly doesn't look like he's on the White House softball team, as his ceremonial first pitch at the Washington Nationals' home opener left a lot to be desired. The only thing moving slower and farther off target than his pitch is this whole convoluted health care reform.

Bue-ta-ful
 
Chicago White Sox ace Mark Buehrle made what will probably be the best play of the year during the team's first game of the season. The White Sox were beating the Indians 4-0 in the fifth inning when Indian Lou Marson hit a rocket back toward Buehrle on the mound. The ball ricocheted off Buehrle's leg and would have been an easy single for Marson had Buehrle not displayed more agility than Jackie Chan.

That play was simply amazing. When Omar Vizquel popularized barehanding the ball in the 90s, I tried to mimic the move for an entire summer. I have a feeling I may pull a groin trying to pull off Buehrle's move. But if I do it, it'll look really cool.

Heyward Worthy of the Hype

The Braves' 20-year-old rookie Jason Heyward was the talk of spring training, amazing teammates and scouts alike with his power and potential. The outfielder has done nothing to dispel that belief in the regular season, as he blasted a home run in his first major league plate appearance and threw a runner out at the plate in the Braves' opener.

Fans in Atlanta definitely have a reason to be excited. Through the first six games of the season, Heyward has three home runs and a .292 batting average. He's playing better than Big Papi! Don't tell Ortiz though. He might get jealous.

Pujols Takes Flight
 
Let's not get caught up in the Heyward hype and talk of Joe Mauer's contract extension and forget who the best player in the game really is. Even if we did, Albert Pujols made sure to remind us. The Cardinals' first baseman went yard -- not once, but twice -- in the Cards' season opener. Even more amazing: he hit them despite tweaking his back a few days earlier. The slugger is already up to five homers this season -- and the season's only seven games old! Maybe we should start making him swing one handed.

Carl Crawford is a Ninja

The Rays' young outfielder is really good at baseball too.  His two-run double powered Tampa Bay to a walk-off win over the Orioles in their first game of the season. Yet that wasn't his most impressive feat of the day.

During an interview after the game, teammate Dioner Navarro started to sneak up behind Crawford to hit him with a celebratory pie. Before Navarro could strike, Crawford somehow saw what was going on behind him and disappeared. With all the talk of where he is headed next season, maybe Crawford is holding out for a much richer pie in New York.

Tri-State Brethren

Just in case Mets fans were worried their team wasn't going to take this season seriously, David Wright let the public sneak a peek at his new training regimen. I guess it helps to have a fitness expert located close by.

Milton Bradley, Definitely Not a Kids Toy

Those hoping for a fresh start from Milton Bradley in Seattle obviously haven't heard the saying about old dogs and new tricks. It doesn't work. So it should come as no surprise that Bradley decided to endear himself to Rangers fans, who remember the malcontent all too well, by giving them a present. Bradley clearly has a death wish -- hasn't he heard of the crazy gun laws they have down there?

There's a Reason Santa Claus Checks His List Twice

USA Today released a story on April 5 about the decline of player salaries in Major League Baseball. The only problem was their statistics were wrong. The MLB Players Association pointed out that the average salary is actually upwards of $3 million higher than the one reported in USA Today. The newspaper later published a corrected version of the story reporting that player salaries didn't go down by 17 percent last year; they actually went up by one percent. And we wonder how the events leading up to the financial crisis went unnoticed for so long...