Peyton Manning and the Colts made it to the Super Bowl, but you won't see him
in the Pro Bowl this season.
(Creative Commons licensed)

The Boy Becomes a Man, But It's Manning Who Wins the Game

While growing up my mom always said, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". So instead of writing about how much I may or may not hate, loathe, despise, and detest Peyton Manning, or about how bitter I may or may not feel every time he gets a win, I'll try to focus on the game itself.

In fact, since my column last week was so mean, I'll go out of my way to mention something nice this week. Manning is such a nice guy that he can frequently be found in attendance at birthday parties and bar, or bat, mitvahs. He is such a charitable guy that he makes these appearances for the low, low price of $200k.

For perspective, that's about four times as much as a teacher makes in a YEAR. I don't see them charging parents an appearance fee.

On the field, Manning shined as bright as always, leading the Colts to a 30-17 over the Jets in the AFC Championship game.

The Jets dominated the first half, and were actually leading 17-6 near the end of the second quarter, but they made the mistake of giving Manning the ball back with time on the clock. Manning proceeded to take his team 80 yards for a touchdown, quashing any momentum the Jets may have had.

Manning finished the day with 26 completions in 39 attempts for 377 yards and three touchdowns, made all the more impressive by the fact that the Jets shut down his primary targets: wideout Reggie Wayne and tight end Dallas Clark. The Colts' star quarterback went to other options in Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie, both of whom finished with over 100 yards on the day. 

Since the Colts scored 24 unanswered points to end the game, the final score didn't indicate just how well Mark Sanchez and the Jets' offense played. Apparently coach Rex Ryan wasn't lying when he said that Sanchez didn't look like a rookie anymore. He was calm, cool, and collected all game, making key plays and tight throws when he had to. The rookie quarterback finished the day with 17 completions on 30 attempts for a total of 257 yards and 2 touchdowns, and didn't seem rattled at all by the fact that he was playing for a shot to go to the Super Bowl.

Although they didn't win, Sanchez, Ryan, and Jets definitely ended their season on a high note, giving their fans something to look forward to next season. Few thought the Jets would be just 30 minutes away from winning a trip to the Super Bowl, especially when fate was against them. Sports Illustrated just had to go and crash the Jets' party, placing Mark Sanchez on the cover of last week's issue to keep the SI Curse alive.

The other quarterback gracing that issue's cover? Brett Favre- who also lost a game that would've taken his team to the Super Bowl.

Don't tell me the curse isn't real; it's even more potent than the Madden Curse - this one can tank players and teams in every sport!

Fate Decided by the Flip of a Coin

The two hottest teams in the league are heading to the Super Bowl, as Garrett Hartley kicked a game-winning field goal in overtime to give the Saints a 31-28 win over the Vikings in the NFC Championship game.

The game was every bit as fast-paced and exciting as fans expected it to be. Unfortunately, for the Vikings, it was also a much sloppier game than anybody thought it would be.
Minnesota coughed the ball up three times - and that doesn't even take into account the times they suffered from a case of the "oopsies", but managed to fall back on the ball. You can't expect to win a game if your offense turns the ball over that many times. Minnesota's 457 yards of offense easily eclipsed the Saints' 257, but their mistakes cost them dearly.

Brett Favre played one hell of a game, especially after suffering an ankle injury in the third quarter. He continued to play despite the injury, and, more impressively, continued to dive into the pack whenever one of his running backs coughed the ball up. It's official: this guy is tough. He could probably walk on fire without blinking an eye.

Unfortunately, Favre committed one cardinal sin. With less than a minute left on the clock in the fourth quarter, and with the Vikings within field goal range, Favre passed the ball across the middle of the field, right into the hands of a Saints defender. The interception was eerily similar to the late-game pick that Favre threw in the NFC Championship in 2007; the one that sent the Giants to the Super Bowl.

Yet you can't blame Favre for the Vikings loss. Had his running backs and wide receivers had any semblance of a grip on the ball, the game would have ended differently.
Star running back Adrian Peterson was the biggest offender, fumbling the ball far more frequently than he broke away for a big play. Apparently, this is quite odd, because, according to Joe Buck, Peterson has a death-grip while shaking hands. I guess that just doesn't translate to leather.

If Favre comes back next season, he should require all of the running backs on the team to lather their hands with glue before every game. 

New Orleans was on cloud nine after Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, and the Saints won the game and secured a berth to the Super Bowl for the first time in the franchise's 43-year history.
Despite the loss, Vikings fans couldn't help but get a little excited. General Larry Platt of "American Idol" fame traveled with the team to sing this song for the Vikings and their fans before the game. Apparently the man became a local legend and good luck charm after Brett Favre sang the song during the team's postseason celebration in their win against the Cowboys in the divisional round. 

Amateur Idea

Congratulations, NFL. You managed to make the Pro Bowl even less relevant and appealing than it already was.

For those who haven't heard, the league decided to try something new this year, scheduling the Pro Bowl earlier than usual, and moving the location from Hawaii to Miami. The new location may be more enticing to marketers and event planners, but the players may not be as pleased.

A major reason the Pro Bowl was so appealing to players in the past was that it gave them an excuse to take their families on vacation to Hawaii. Now, no such luck. In fact, if voters actually got it right and picked the best players in the league to go to the game, many of them will be playing in the Super Bowl a week later. And everybody knows the winner of that game gets to go to Disney World!

This year the list of players invited to play in the Pro Bowl included Peyton Manning, Philip Rivers, Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger. Brady declined the invitation, Rivers opted out, Manning wouldn't risk getting hurt the week before the Super Bowl, and Roethlisberger suddenly developed a phantom injury as an excuse to avoid the game. That leaves Matt Schaub and Vince Young as the lone remaining AFC quarterbacks. And Young wasn't even the Titans' starter until the seventh week of the season!

That's just one position. What about, say, kicker? Well, this year Nate Kaeding of the Chargers was picked to represent the AFC. You may remember him. He missed three field goals in the Chargers' loss to the Jets last week. Clearly the cream of the crop will be at the NFL's version of the All Star game next week!

I can't wait.

What Will Johnny Do?

As baseball continues to slog through its long hibernation, the question everybody seems to be asking is what will Johnny Damon do?

The veteran left fielder is one of the few remaining big-name free agents still on the market, and plenty of teams are looking for outfield help. The team that keeps popping up in rumors is the Yankees, but, being a "Boras Brat," Damn already turned down a two-year, $14 million dollar offer from them. It appears Boras and Damon overvalued Damon's worth, as no teams seem willing to meet his unreasonable demands.

Now Damon's free agency has turned into a circus. There seems to be at least one new rumor every day regarding his destination. First it was the Yankees, who he snubbed; then the Giants, who signed Bengie Molina instead; then the Cubs, who said they don't want him; then the Braves, White Sox, and Mets, none of whom appear to have the money necessary to land him.

The latest rumor to surface is that Damon has started to contemplate retirement. Not likely.
It will be interesting to see the Damon saga resolve itself, if for no other reason than we'll finally stop getting outrageous, unfounded tweets from Jon Heyman purporting to have special information regarding Johnny's plan.

Coping with Offseason Boredom by Going to Court

Tim Lincecum is going to be very familiar with the United States legal system by the time Spring Training starts. The young ace was already stuck in court for a few days in Washington, D.C. to settle his pot charges. Now it appears the Giants are going to drag him back to the courtroom to settle his salary through arbitration.

The Giants definitely are not scoring any points with this one. Low-balling a guy with a ridiculous offer that even Scrooge would laugh at isn't exactly the way you want to treat one of the premier young pitchers in the league, especially when he is pretty much the only reason your team is even relevant.

Taking "Die Hard" to a New Level

Just in case there was ever a question about how zealous sports fans are, they can now continue rooting for their favorite team in the afterlife. If they so choose, they can actually have themselves cremated and put in an urn brandishing their favorite team's logo.

Don't worry; if you'd rather go six feet under, there are options for you too. MLB has coffins fit with the colors and logo of all 30 teams.

If you really want to go the distance, you could even ask the cemetery (or, more likely, your best friend, fellow fan, and cohort) to buy a bag of the MLB's new official stadium grass seed and use that to cover the dirt. That's probably not what Scott's Lawn Care and the MLB were thinking when they started this crazy new marketing scheme, but hey, if you're going to spend that much money for something you could just as easily buy at Home Depot for half the price, you may as well put it to good use.

Meet the Mess

This offseason has been terrible for the New York Mets. So far they have missed out on the ace starter they were looking to fill out their rotation behind Johan Santana; mistreated Carlos Beltran by ripping him in the media for deciding to undergo a knee surgery that no fewer than three different doctors recommended; and signed outfielder Jason Bay after the team he really wanted to play for refused to offer him a four-year contract because team doctors thought he was too big of an injury risk.

The latest move in the team's push toward mediocrity: trading reliever Brian Stokes to the Angels for outfielder Gary Matthews Jr.

The Mets traded a pitcher with potential and committed $2.5 million to land Matthew Jr, prompting many to wonder who exactly is shaking the little Magic-8 ball that keeps saying "Yes," to all of these terrible ideas. Running ideas by that toy soothsayer is the only possible explanation for the Mets' questionable decisions.

One MLB scout was so intrigued by the decision that he decided to revisit a scouting report he had written on Matthew Jr. According to the report, "Matthews is a player to be avoided. Slow bat. Declining range. And above all else, a player who wants to be a regular and will be an unhappy distraction in your clubhouse when he's not in the lineup every day."

By the way, the Mets signed Matthews Jr to be their fourth outfielder, which means plenty of time riding the pine. To summarize, Matthews Jr is not good on offense, he's not good on defense, and he detracts from team morale. Great job, Mets!

Nonsensical Thought to Get Your Work Week Started
 
Watching Reggie Bush and Drew Brees wear NFC Championship hats on the postgame show got me thinking, what in the world happens to all of the souvenir garb for the losing team?

The league has memorabilia for both teams printed well before the game begins, so, unless these games are rigged (and there are pictures of the losing items, so this most likely isn't this case), this seems to be an incredible waste. Luckily I'm a pretty curious guy. Before I investigated before I decided to harangue sports leagues across America for creating thousands of souvenirs destined for destruction. As it turns out, pro sports leagues now donate all of the losing team's swag to a humanitarian group that gives them to people in impoverished nations.