warning Hi, we've moved to USCANNENBERGMEDIA.COM. Visit us there!

Neon Tommy - Annenberg digital news

Worst Horror Movies (Most of Which You've Heard Of)

Erin Richards |
October 29, 2009 | 9:46 p.m. PDT


There are no creatures in this village. Lame.

I have to say that I have a pretty over-active imagination. But I also love to watch scary movies. Yet, they scare the crap out of me.

Even during the movie, I want to turn it off, but can't, because I have become so entangled in my fear. Having an imagination, I'm not hung up on the "it's so implausible" or other such ninny digs at horror movies as a genre. Of course, we all know that people don't turn into zombies and come to eat your brains, but I will still scream bloody murder when I see someone being attacked by a zombie on-screen.  That being said, there are movies that don't get me riled up enough to hide under the covers or are way over-hyped and just plain bad. Here is a list of my top 10 picks for worst horror movies:

10. House of Wax: Commonly known as one of the worst movie remakes, the 2005 version of "House of Wax" is mostly a snooze fest. The only good thing about this movie is that you get to see a bloody end to Paris Hilton. Teenagers are on their way to a football game and experience car trouble. They hitch a ride into a small deserted town where the only attraction is duh duh duh...the House of Wax, a museum of wax figurines that look too real, because they are in fact, real people covered in wax. The romp ensues as the homicidal twins of the wax museum attempt to capture torture and kill the intruders.

9. The Mist: This movie is not just lame, but depressing. The film is set in a town below a military base doing experiments on the space-time continuum, and low and behold, a mishap spreads "mist" into the town below, opening windows into other dimensions which also happen to contain a host of deadly monster creatures. The town is terrorized by giant lethal acid spewing spiders and a giant mantis with pincers spearing people. However, the ending is the worst. It's not scary; just ironic and depressing. Fleeing from the monsters, a few characters are driving through the mist and of course they run out of gas. They come to the conclusion that the only way to escape a gruesome death is to kill each other. The old couple kill themselves and a father kills his wife and young son to then run out of bullets when he turns the gun on himself. At just that moment, the military comes in and the mist clears. Anguish. The End. For a horror, I was supremely disappointed.

8. Quarantine: This movie is possibly one of the worst zombie-esque movies of all time. A reporter/journalist follows a team of firefighters to an emergency call to find the residents have fallen ill...and want to eat you! As you can imagine, the zombie virus spreads and the CDC quarantines the building, keeping anyone from escaping. The movie is predictable, and short, not drawing out the best parts of zombie movies, and the characters are disappointing. All in all, go watch "28 Days Later" instead.
7. Wicker Man: This movie is mostly occupied by feelings of "What am I even watching right now?" Nicolas Cage makes us all say "what is going on?" when he searches for an ex-girlfriends lost daughter in a weird island community involved with freaky rituals (of course involving human sacrifice) to ensure that their main resource (honey) is maintained. Because human blood is necessary for bee-keeping. Cage stumbles around most of the movie, yelling at people and causes a ruckus. Some memorable moments are Cage stealing a bicycle from a woman, punching and roundhouse kicking a young girl into a wall, wearing a full bear suit, and being overcome by a swarm of bees. This movie is just plain weird.

6. Halloween: Resurrection: Not even Tyra Banks' or Busta Rymes' awesome acting skills could save this movie from utter awfulness. Michael Myers is back (again) and when people are sent to investigate his childhood home on Halloween night, he (surprise) kills them. Yawns. This dead of a Halloween sequel is not in any way interesting, or particularly surprising or scary.
5. Freddy vs. Jason: This movie is more comical than scary as Freddy Kruger (Nightmare on Elm St.) faces off against Jason (Friday the 13th). Its hockey mask and machete against fedora, striped sweater and claws in this clash of the fright titans (I just wish we had Michael Myers to referee). Mostly it gets old because neither can really be killed, Freddy is a demonic invader of dreams and Jason keeps coming back to slash at teenagers making out again and again.
4. Mirrors: In this movie, Kiefer Sutherland tries to prove that he can act as more than Jack Bauer, but we're not buying it. Sutherland takes a job as a security guard of a creepy old hospital and has to polish the mirrors, is terrorized by his own reflection and family members are killed by the demons in the mirror. He has to find the girl from whom the demons were confined to the mirrors and after doing this, Kiefer finds himself on the other side of the mirror. Although there are some freaky parts and some gruesome imagery to this movie, the acting is rather terrible (sorry Kiefer) and the plot doesn't seem to go anywhere.

3. Black X-Mas: How can you not love a movie whose tagline reads: "This Christmas, let the slay ride begin." If this pun causes you to think twice about this movie, trust your instinct, it's not worth it. The story centers on two siblings, Agnes and Billy, who essentially spend their time terrorizing a sorority house near Christmas time. Some memorable scenes include Billy eating cookies made out of skin and stabbing the guard outside his asylum cell with a sharpened candy cane.  The ridiculousness takes away from the fear, and thus, the movie is reduced to a mass of Christmas punned foolishness, with some blood on top.

2. The Ruins: This movie looked so promising from the previews. Old ruins, natives you can't understand and an off the beaten path map is a recipe for disaster. Our fearless vacationing teenagers decide to take a day trip to an off-the-map temple run in Mexico for some sightseeing and end up facing angry natives who kill one of the characters and turn to their only refuge: the temple. Of course, the teens have no food, water and no cell phone reception (gasp!) and are terrorized by an unseen threat from inside the ruins. But the movie is completely ruined when the threat is revealed and it's....plants. Yes that's right, carnivorous, flesh eating, smart plants. Done. I am not scared of plants, no matter how clever they are. Sorry.
1. The Village:  M. Night Shyamalan, why oh why did you make this awful movie? Set in a small remote village, this movie is based on the premise that the residents of the village are surrounded by terrifying creatures in the woods that do not enter the town because they don't venture in the woods. But of course, someone ventures into the woods for medicine, and their reality comes crashing down as the woodland creatures are all made up to keep the Village sheltered in the real world. Some moments cause some shock, but THERE ARE NO CREATURES. Lame, M. Night Shyamalan, lame.

Join Neon Tommy's Facebook fan page or follow us on Twitter.



Craig Gillespie directed this true story about "the most daring rescue mission in the history of the U.S. Coast Guard.”

Watch USC Annenberg Media's live State of the Union recap and analysis here.