(Amazon.com)

Lauren Frances is a relationship coach and the author of, "'Dating, Mating and Manhandling: The Ornithological Guide to Men." Her work has been featured on media outlets as diverse as "EXTRA," Dr. Phil's "Decision House," "The Real Housewives of Orange County," The Huffington Post and Men's Health. She founded the Institute for Romantic Research and offers individual and group coaching.

She sat down with Neon Tommy to chat about love during leaner times, first-date advice and texting etiquette.

How has the recession affected dating?

I feel like my field is recession-proof. All of the online dating sites have been more robust lately. When the economy isn't doing well, people focus on their love life as their source of fulfillment. Instead of buying a new car or handbag, they're asking themselves what's really meaningful.

Do job security issues or unemployment affect dating patterns?
 
Men feel like unless they have their professional lives organized, it's hard to focus on their love lives. Women don't compartmentalize as much. They might have heavier work curves, but they multitask better.

How has new technology affected dating?
 
It's been a big shift. Texting is the downfall of romance. People are accessible all of the time. There's a pressure to be more available than a girl wants to be, and the other person is hurt when there's not an immediate response. And sexy texting makes you feel closer than you really are.

How do you coach people to deal with technology?

People under 35 are massive texters. That's just how that generation has come up: very available, very quickly, and that's socially acceptable. People over 35 like to be called and are miffed about not being asked in a proper way.

So I tell guys, if you can call, don't text. But it's nice to get a thank you text from a man after a date. Texting has allowed women to put themselves out there in more provocative ways, but follow that man's pattern. If he's texting, you can text back. But you don't have to right away.

When you're on a date, don't respond to other people's texts. Be with the person you're with. Turn off your phone and don't take it out. At the end of dinner, it's okay to look at your phone, but don't start messaging unless you're alone. If you're out with someone and you're not the focus, and you just started dating - that's really bad form.

What other first-date advice do you give your clients?

On the first date, guys talk about themselves. It's peacocking - showing off their fabulous plumage, that they have the best sperm on this side of the Rockies. A man who is impressed with you is trying to impress you. Keep the focus on him and listen. Don't fall into unfocused flirting - that's where girls start to worry about themselves, what he thinks of you. Your responsibility is to make good choices for yourself.

Limit your alcohol to one or two drinks. You don't know him. If you get into a car with him, you're entrusting your physical well-being into his care. And drunk boys are stronger.

Also, listen for the "male lemon law disclaimer." That's where - somewhere in between talking about how he was captain of the crew team and got straight A's and is going to Spain - he'll let a comment slip about what's wrong with him. For example, he'll say he's a lying, cheating pervert or doesn't believe in love, or that he's to busy to fall in love. He'll discount it as a joke, but it's really true. 

In your book, you describe men as birds. . .
 
It started out as humor, as a teaching tool, but then a study came out that confirmed that the closest bonding paradigm to humans is birds. Men, like all wild things, don't want to be trapped; they want their space and freedom. They want to choose. They don't want to be in a cage unless they fly in their out of their own volition, but then they want to be able to leave and not be blocked. The good guy will come back. Guys vet to see if they won't be controlled. It's about being respected.

How do male and female mating patterns differ?

The male intimacy pattern is different than females. They like to see, hunt, and take a break. Female patterns are to get closer, closer, and closer. But it's in those breaks that there's a renewed sense of passion. Men fall in love when they're thinking about the woman and not with her. It's the whole cliché of the guy who's not proposing, then they break up and he comes sobbing back.

How does this apply to couples that are married?
 
Men need their space even when they're married. The challenge now is how to keep it sexy and hot. People think that if you're really in love, there's always romance. But dating is really like an appointment for sex and romance. But when you're living together, it can become more about chores and bills.

When you want to reignite - I call it my Sexual Rx. In a weekly kind of way, make appointments for romance. This is important, because when that special spark goes away, it takes a big hit. So go on dates. Really make appointments for quality time together. Alternate who plans each week. Show up with a good attitude. And if you choose an activity your partner doesn't like, it's probably not the best thing to do together.

Learn one new thing a year. If you're learning together, you're growing together. I knew a couple that learned Italian and then went to Italy together. Another started golfing and then went to the PGA tour. Another learned salsa dancing - and then went salsa dancing in Brazil. But it doesn't have to be expensive. Take an art history class together and go to museums. Dancing is cheap - and so are competitions.

When you create mental intrigue by learning something new, it creates bonding. Your brain chemistry changes when you fall in love - it releases dopamine. Dopamine is also released during new, adventurous experiences. So when you're skydiving with your spouse, you're reconnecting romantically. 

What's the most common mistake you see your clients making?
 
Until he's the one, he isn't. Never get exclusive or have sex until they say that want that [exclusiveness]. Date other men until he's committing to you.

http://laurenfrances.com/